Making the Best of It
by Brumeier
Summary: After Steve's mother dies, his father sends him to live with relatives in New Jersey. Can he overcome his anger and grief to accept the friendship that Danny offers him? How will he adapt to life in Jersey? Spans a year in the life, 1992-93.
1. September 1992

**Standard Disclaimer:** I do not own the characters or anything related to the show, a fact which always causes me much sadness. This is all just for fun!

**Prologue  
**

Everything changed when Steve's mother died and he hated her for it, even though he knew it was wrong. Mary became clingy and fearful, following Dad around like a puppy. Steve had to see the school counselor once a week and so he started skipping school. Predictably, his grades began to suffer but his teachers were very sympathetic. Everyone seemed to treat his family different and he hated that too. He wanted things to go back to normal but he knew they never would. Instead, everything just got worse.

School had just started, it was only the second day, and he'd come home to find Dad sitting at the breakfast table nursing a bottle of whiskey. Not an unusual circumstance lately, but there was something heavy in the air and Steve knew he didn't want to hear what his father had to say.

"I'm sending you and your sister back to the mainland. You're leaving tomorrow."

Nothing could've prepared him for that, and he sat down heavily in the nearest chair. His backpack thudded to the floor.

"_What?_"

"Mary's going to stay with Aunt Deb. You're going to be with Aunt Leigh and Uncle Tommy. It's the best I could do."

"I just started junior year. Why are you _doing_ this?" Steve tried to think of some scenario where this made sense and couldn't come up with anything. His dad was sending him away so he could, what? Wallow here all by himself? Stop looking at the faces that reminded him of his wife?

"It's not safe for you here anymore. You have to go now."

That made even less sense, though he could see his dad absolutely believed that to be true. John McGarrett had changed the most these last four months. The fun, boisterous man that used to take Steve hiking and taught him how to fix a car was gone, drowned in grief and alcohol. There was something else underneath that but Steve couldn't quite put his finger on it. It was like his dad was keeping a secret and felt guilty about it. Or maybe it was just because he was sending his children away, and had probably been planning it for months without telling them.

"You're gonna stay."

"I can't leave. I still have work to do here."

"You know what? _Mom_ would never have sent us away." Steve knew it was a low blow, but the vague anger that had been hovering around him since his mom died was starting to coalesce and he focused it on the man who seemed determined to take what was left of his life and turn it completely upside down.

"Well, your mom is _gone_, okay?" His dad finally lost his temper, his own face twisted in anger. "Now it's just _me_!"

Steve got out of his chair, glowering. The anger couldn't mask the hurt at his dad's words. Like he hadn't noticed that mom was gone, like they all hadn't been suffering.

"Listen, I…Steve, you'll be graduating before you know it and pretty soon you're gonna need to decide what kind of man you are."

"What kind of man are _you_?" he countered. "Breaking up our family."

"I'm the kind of man that can't walk away from a fight. My first responsibility is not my safety – it's yours. And you don't have to like it. I just hope someday you can understand that. Steve – you may not hear from me for a while."

There'd been no changing his mind and no amount of arguing on his part or crying on Mary's made the least bit of difference. Dad couldn't even give his children each other to cling to; they left Hawaii on separate planes headed to separate destinations, with barely enough time beforehand to pack their things, much less say goodbye to their friends. Steve hated his dad for that, hated him for tearing apart their family when they most needed to stay together.

Steve especially hated his dad for sending him to New Jersey, so far from the ocean and the island he loved so much. He felt as if he'd lost a limb. And as much as Aunt Leigh and Uncle Tommy tried to make him feel at home, he couldn't fake being happy for them. There was nothing familiar for him here, apart from his uncle's strong McGarrett features – no salty tang on the breeze, no palm trees, no casual greetings of "howzit" from friends. Everyone here seemed so serious, and the air was choked with smog and city smells and the sound of shrieking car alarms.

He refused to go out, sitting in his room reading or just staring out the window at an unfamiliar, hostile landscape. Aunt Leigh dragged him out school shopping, which had been torture. The clothes that were suitable back home wouldn't work here; he needed winter things, warm things. His dad called the night before school started but Steve refused to talk to him; he hadn't remembered to call for his son's birthday and so Steve was punishing him the only way he could. He did talk to Mary, though, because she understood what it was to be cast aside.

_I wish you were here, you big jerk,_ she sniffed_. This stupid state is landlocked. At least you have an ocean._

"Trust me, it's not anything to get excited about. I bet none of these haoles knows how to surf."

_We're the haoles now, big brother_, Mary pointed out quietly. That had only depressed Steve more. He and Mary hadn't been the best of friends even before Mom died, but at that moment he would have given anything to be in Indianapolis with her. What good was having an ocean when it was the wrong one?

_Are you nervous about school?_

"Nah. School is school, right?"

_Yeah. I'm not nervous either._

Steve could hear that she was, though, and wished he had something to tell her that would make her feel better. Not that anything could.

Tomorrow he'd be starting his junior year all over again at a school full of strangers – the school year here started a month later – and the thought had his stomach in knots. No-one would care that he was Steve McGarrett, class president and football star. He would be an outsider, a haole just like Mary said. He didn't cry himself to sleep, but it was a close thing.

**September 1992**

Steve stood in front of Trenton Central High and felt completely overwhelmed. The school was huge and imposing, the red brick so different from the clean white walls of his old school. Students were pouring off buses and out of cars, strangers with acid washed jeans and big hair. No-one gave him a second look, standing there in his baggy carpenter jeans and red Kukui High hooded sweatshirt.

The warning bell rang and he reluctantly got moving, joining the tide of students entering the building. Steve heard them comparing summer vacations and class schedules, and felt a pang of loss when he thought about doing the same thing just weeks ago with his friends back home. Now they'd be talking about how he was gone and wasn't that sad and who will be taking his place on the football team.

Steve pulled his schedule and a map of the school out of his pocket, trying to smooth out the wrinkles while he walked. His locker was on the second floor and it was easy enough to follow the other kids up the stairs. He kept his head down, surreptitiously checking locker numbers out of the corner of his eye. It didn't take long to find number 1265, and open it up with the combination scrawled on the back of his map.

He didn't have much to stuff in there, just his mostly-empty backpack. He kept out his brand-new notebook and a couple of pens, stuffing the latter into one of his pants pockets. His first class was English with Ms. Olsen. He slammed the locker door shut and started heading up the hall, when he heard a mocking voice behind him.

"Check out the kook, D."

Steve froze, his jaw clenched. He made himself take a deep breath; after all, he didn't know the guy was talking to him. The next words out of the idiot's mouth killed that illusion.

"Kook High? I bet you were at the top of your class." There was laughter, a lot of it, and Steve's hands balled into fists, his schedule getting crinkled up in one hand and the spiral binding of his notebook cutting into the other.

"Shut up," he said, turning slowly. There were three guys standing there, and he didn't know which one had made fun of him so he prepared himself to fight all three.

"Well how do you say it then?" asked one of the guys. He was shorter than the others, blonde hair spiked up and wearing a red flannel shirt over a plain white tee.

"It's pronounced koo-Koo-we," Steve said tersely. "Why don't you think first before you open your stupid mouth?"

"Hey, don't bite my head off!" The blonde guy stepped forward and poked Steve in the shoulder, hard. "I was just..."

Steve didn't wait to hear was he was _just_, he merely pulled his arm back and popped the guy in the jaw. Not surprisingly, he went down fast. The surprise was how quickly he sprang back up and landed a fist to the side of Steve's head, knocking him back into the lockers.

With a roar of rage, Steve launched himself at the short blonde, catching him around the middle and slamming him into the far wall. He was dimly aware that they had drawn a crowd, but the rush of blood in his ears kept him from hearing anything they might have said. He grappled with his opponent, pushing at him without any real plan of attack.

The next thing he was aware of was someone pulling him backwards and away, holding him by the collar of his shirt so tightly he was almost choking.

"That's enough! Both of you!" The voice was adult and masculine and the only thing that made Steve stop pulling to get away. "The Superintendent's office, now!"

"He started it!" the other guy complained.

"Zip it, Williams. Move."

The firm grip moved from his collar to the back of his neck, keeping his head faced forward. Steve tried to calm his breathing down, the rage melting away and leaving behind annoyance and dread. This wasn't the first day of school he'd been imagining and if they had to call his aunt and uncle he knew he'd be in even bigger trouble; especially when his dad heard about it.

By the time they'd reached the Superintendent's office Steve had calmed down considerably. He stared down at his feet, ignoring the guy standing next to him. He was ashamed now of his behavior. McGarretts didn't solve anything with their fists, that was one of his dad's cardinal rules, and this was the first time he'd broken it.

"Mr. Williams. Mr. McGarrett. I can't thank you enough for helping to get this school year off to a positive start." The Superintendent, Mr. Baers, sat behind his desk with his hands folded and a passive look on his thin face. "The first bell hadn't even rung and you two were…what exactly was it you were doing?"

"Mr. Baers, I'm very sorry for the altercation," the Williams kid said. Steve fought the urge to look over at him. _Altercation?_

"And what prompted this altercation?"

"It was a misunderstanding, sir."

"I see." Mr. Baers stood up and started to pace behind his desk. "Cultural differences, was it? Mr. McGarrett, I understand you've transferred here from Hawaii."

"Yes, sir," Steve replied.

"Is this typical behavior for a first day in Hawaii?"

"No, sir."

"Do they have detention in Hawaii?"

"Yes, sir."

"Wonderful, then I won't have to explain how it works. Mr. Williams, you and Mr. McGarrett can become acquainted and resolve your cultural differences all this week after school."

Steve wasn't looking forward to explaining that to his aunt and uncle. And he didn't understand why Williams was covering for him; he threw the first punch, after all, so he was clearly in the wrong.

"Mr. Baers, I have an after-school job. I can't have detention." Williams was sounding a little panicked, and Steve wondered if he'd change his story now that the sentence had been handed down. He looked over at him out of the corner of his eye, amused at the way his hands were waving around.

"Mr. Williams…"

"You don't understand, I _need_ this job. Honestly, it was just a mistake. It won't happen again, I swear it won't! Can you please be a little understanding here?"

Steve felt his mouth drop open. Williams had a lot of nerve, talking to the Superintendent of the school that way. Was he crazy? Possibly not, since Mr. Baers merely sighed and sat back down in his chair.

"You will serve detention after school today, and then you will be Mr. McGarrett's welcome wagon and personal guide to all things Trenton Central for the next two weeks."

"But…"

"It's either that or detention, Mr. Williams. You decide."

"Fine."

Steve exchanged a look of mutual consternation with Williams before returning his gaze to his own feet.

"Mr. McGarrett, you will be a model student from here on in, do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, sir."

"Both of you go to the nurse for some ice, and you may remain there until second period begins. Report to the library after school for detention."

"Thank you, Mr. Baers," Williams said, though he didn't exactly sound sincere. He accepted the scrawled hall pass and led the way out of the office and back into the main part of the school.

"This way," he said and started walking. Steve shuffled along behind him. He could work with one day of detention, fudge it so his aunt and uncle didn't know. God, he hated New Jersey!

"How's the head?" Williams asked after a little while, throwing Steve a quick glance over his shoulder.

"Look, no offense but we don't have to play friends. Okay? I already have all the friends I need."

Williams snorted. "Yeah, I can see them. Look, I'm sorry okay? Dale was being a jerk, he can't help it most of the time."

"Whatever."

"You know what? Fine. Be all moody. I don't care. Unlike you, I have actual real-life friends." Williams stomped into the nurse's office and went straight for the mini freezer that housed the ice packs; clearly he'd had need of one before today. The nurse looked them both over with a raised eyebrow.

"Looks like one heck of a first day, boys."

"Mrs. Rossi, you have _no_ idea." Williams tossed Steve an ice pack, then spent the rest of first period sitting on the edge of the nurse's desk regaling her with tales of his summer trip to the shore. Steve lay back on one of the beds and tried to wish himself back to Hawaii. He wasn't successful.

*o*o*o*

Steve sat at one of the library tables, doing the little bit of homework he'd been assigned and trying to ignore the headache that had been pounding most of the day. The Williams kid – Danny, he'd learned – sat at the table next to him doodling on a piece of notebook paper. They pointedly ignored each other.

The rest of the day hadn't gone as badly as the first ten minutes, though the big bruise on his head had drawn a lot of attention. Danny had received a hero's welcome amongst his friends, presumably for having kicked the new kid's ass. Whatever. Steve didn't care. No-one had given him so much as the time of day, and that was fine. He wasn't here to make friends.

Steve finished his English essay and flipped his notebook over, drawing on the back cover. He'd called Aunt Leigh and told her he was staying after school to talk to his class advisor about what subjects he might not be up to speed on. He felt bad for lying, but he wasn't about to admit that he'd gotten into trouble already. Of course that left him without any way to get home once detention was over.

He drew a big wave with his pen, and a surfer shooting the curl. He missed being out in the ocean, missed his morning swim and surfing with his friends. Mom had always said he was part fish because he was happiest in and around the water. He felt like he was slowly dying here without it.

"You surf?"

He flipped the notebook over, hiding his drawing, and scowled at Danny. He hadn't heard him move and now he was sitting at Steve's table, tipped back in his chair. His jaw was swollen where Steve had decked him.

"Jeez, don't have a cow. I was just asking. There's always guys surfing at the shore in the summer. I never personally saw the point of it."

"You always talk this much?" Steve grumbled, tucking his notebook into his backpack.

Danny rolled his eyes. "Look, we're stuck with each other for the next couple of weeks, right? I'm just trying to make the best of it. You don't have to be such a dick."

Without thinking, Steve hooked his foot under Danny's chair and pulled, sending both the chair and Danny backwards to the floor with a very satisfying thud.

"Daniel," the detention monitor sighed. "How many times have I told you not to sit back in your chair like that?"

"Sorry," he muttered, getting up and shooting a death glare at Steve.

"Are you okay? Do you need to see the nurse?"

"I'm fine." Danny sat back in the chair, his hands clenched on top of the table. Steve couldn't help the chuckle the bubbled up and he ducked his head.

"You think that's funny?" Danny hissed. "What's the _matter_ with you? Were you dropped on your head as a baby?"

Steve just ignored him, resting his head on his arms and making like he was going to take a nap for the remainder of detention. He could practically feel Danny quivering with frustration next to him.

"You know, I was gonna offer you a ride home. Now you can walk."

Steve shrugged. The less time he spent with annoying Danny Williams the better.

"You're a real piece of work, you know that?"

Steve flipped him off without lifting his head. He couldn't make sense of the guy. He'd laughed along with his friends when they made fun of him, and then covered for him with Mr. Baers. Now he was chatting him up like they were buddies.

Back home he had a lot of friends, but his best friend was Joseph Chung. They were both on the football and paddling teams, and competed amicably for the top spot in class. Joseph hadn't really understood what he was going through after Steve's mom died but he sat and listened and offered support.

When the bell rang and detention was over, Steve was out of the library like a shot. Once he was outside the school he paused to get his bearings. He'd always had a good sense of direction and figured it wouldn't be that hard to get back to his aunt's house.

"'Scuse me." Danny pushed past him with a smirk. "I have to get to my _car_."

Steve scowled at his back and took off down Chambers Street. Back home he hadn't needed a car; he knew so many people that if he wasn't fine just walking or riding his bike he could easily hitch a ride. He missed that feeling of being known, and hunched his shoulders.

"Hey! McGarrett!"

Steve sighed. What would it take to get Danny Williams to leave him alone? He just kept walking, a dark blue vehicle slowly pacing him. He shot a quick look at it and almost laughed when he saw it was a minivan.

"Come on, don't be a jerk. Get in."

"What do you want from me?" Steve asked, exasperated. He stopped walking and glared at Danny through the passenger window.

"I _want_ you to get in the damn car and not walk all the way back to your house."

"Get used to disappointment. Later." Steve banged twice on the roof of the minivan and then strolled off, putting on a show of I-don't-give-a-fuck. He heard Danny curse and then he finally drove off, leaving Steve to continue walking the unfamiliar streets of Trenton. By the time he finally made it back, Aunt Leigh had dinner waiting and he was exhausted. He only hoped that Danny would leave him alone from here on out; he just wanted to get through his exile quietly.

*o*o*o*

Steve got through the next two weeks by ducking Danny as much as possible. He was tardy every day, lurking in the bathroom until classes started. He ate lunch outside on the bleachers by the football field. During the few classes he and Danny shared, Steve endured the narrow-eyed looks and was always the first one out the door. It seemed to do the trick and eventually Danny was pretending he didn't exist.

He insisted on walking home after school every day, as much to stay fit as to became more familiar with the neighborhood. He saw the blue minivan a lot, usually parked near Italian Peoples Bakery; Steve assumed that was Danny's after school job, but he never went inside.

Dodging Aunt Leigh was more difficult. She'd look at him from across the dinner table with pity in her eyes, asking about his day and how classes were going. He tried to let it go, but one night over meatloaf he lost his temper.

"Everything's fine! You don't have to interrogate me _every_ _day_."

"You wanna watch how you talk to your aunt," Uncle Tommy said, pointing his finger at Steve.

"Steve, we just want you to be happy."

"Then send me _home_!" Steve cried a little desperately. "Can't you talk to Dad?"

Uncle Tommy's hard expression softened a bit. "I may not agree with your father on this, Steve, but I'm sure he has his reasons."

"If you could just try to make some friends," Aunt Leigh started to say.

"I _have_ friends." Steve pushed his plate away, his dinner only half eaten. "They're all five thousand miles away."

"It's okay to make new friends, too. Your friends in Hawaii would understand." Aunt Leigh reached for his hand but he pulled it away.

"I _hate_ it here." Steve got up so quickly he almost knocked over his chair. He was out the door and down the front steps before he had any idea where he was going. He ended up across the street at the park, sitting on one of the tables with his head in his hands. He'd never needed the sanctuary of the ocean more than he did at that moment. When he was swimming everything else just faded away until he was in his own peaceful little bubble.

Steve wished he could talk to Joseph, who understood the call of the ocean. Maybe if he offered to pay his aunt and uncle back for the long distance call they'd let him do it. He just really needed to hear a familiar voice.

"You know, New Jersey isn't so bad." Danny plunked down next to Steve on the table. He sighed.

"What're you doing here?"

"I live on the other side of the park, on Emory." Danny waved his hand in the general direction. "I come here after dinner sometimes, to get away from all the estrogen in my house."

Steve just stared at him.

"I have three sisters," he elaborated. "And Pop has bowling tonight, so he left me to fend for myself."

"Sisters can be a pain," Steve agreed.

"Yeah? You speak from experience?"

"I have a younger sister. Mary. She's in Indiana." Steve sighed again, picking at the seam of his jeans. He should call her, see how she was doing. The last time they'd talked had been when Hurricane Iniki passed over Hawaii and they'd anxiously waited for word that Dad was okay; luckily Oahu had avoided a lot of the damage, though John McGarrett had been busy helping out with disaster recovery on Kauai and had taken a while to let them know.

"Now, see this?" Danny gestured between the two of them. "This is a conversation. This is how normal people communicate. Good to know you have some interpersonal skills."

"Shut up," Steve replied. He pushed at Danny with his shoulder and got pushed back in return.

"Look, I know you've got this whole lone wolf thing going for you, but if you get bored with that you can always call me."

"Why do you even care?" Steve asked, honestly curious. Danny just shrugged.

"Even the Lone Ranger had Tonto to hang out with."

"So you'd be the faithful Indian companion in this scenario?" Steve fought back a grin as Danny rolled his eyes.

"You know, it wouldn't kill you to be a bit more likeable."

"It might."

"Oh, ho! It has a sense of humor!" Danny grinned. "Will wonders never cease?"

Steve just ducked his head. Danny rattled off his phone number and kept badgering him to repeat it until he had it memorized.

"I've got it, jeez. You're like a dog with a bone."

"Persistence can be a virtue," Danny replied airily.

"Keep telling yourself that," Steve shot back. He hopped off the table and flicked a wave at Danny. "Later."

"Yeah. Later."

* * *

_**AN:**__ So, I've read a few fics with the Five-0 characters in high school, and they almost always seem to be set in Hawaii. I thought, what if the tables were turned and Steve had to go someplace he didn't like and had to try to fit in? And so this fic was born._

_This is AU, obviously. In the season two flashback episode, Steve was being sent to the Army and Navy Academy boarding school in California. I decided to send him farther afield for my own evil purposes, though I did use much of the same dialogue. _

_Also, while Danny was a cop in Newark I put his family home in Trenton just so he could live in the 'Burg, like Stephanie Plum. ::grins:: I do not now nor have I ever lived in New Jersey, so it's all Google searches and Wikipedia giving me that info. Pretty much made up his whole family. If you're wondering what I did with his brother Matt, that will come up in a later chapter._

_1992 was a long time ago. LOL! Again, there was a lot of computer research involved to try and keep things current to that time as much as possible. As with all things, I did the best I could and hopefully none of my mistakes will detract from the story._

_Special thanks to smiles2go and my hubby for their suggestions and input. Love yous guys!_


	2. October 1992

**October 1992**

Out of the blue Danny started coming by to pick Steve up for school in the mornings. Steve put some effort into holding up his end of the conversation, and Danny learned not to ask personal questions. He hadn't reciprocated with a phone number, or used the one he'd memorized; he still felt he could get through this on his own.

"You could come over sometime," Danny suggested. "I have a Super NES. You play?"

Steve shook his head. "Video games? No, not really."

"So what do you do on weekends? Surf? Hula dancing?"

Steve scowled at him. "I don't dance."

"See, now I thought that would be on the curriculum or something."

"Yeah, and how to be a mob boss is a class at all Jersey high schools, right?"

"Sensitive much?" Danny pulled into the school parking lot.

"I'm not the one driving a minivan," Steve was happy to point out.

"Better than what you drive," Danny shot back. "Oh yeah, wait. That would be _nothing_."

They shoved each other good-naturedly on their way inside school, and parted ways at their lockers. Steve went through is day as he always did – keeping his head down and ignoring anyone who tried to talk to him. Danny had been trying to get him to eat lunch in the cafeteria but he couldn't think of anything he wanted to do less.

Steve didn't mind eating outside, even though the weather was starting to turn colder. He watched one of the gym classes running laps while he ate chunks of fresh pineapple out of a Tupperware container. Well, not all that fresh compared to what he was used to, but he appreciated Aunt Leigh spending the extra money and not getting canned.

Usually he had the bleachers to himself, but today two guys sat next to him. One wore all black, the other had several piercings in his face that Steve found fascinating. He didn't acknowledge them, but that didn't stop the guy with the piercings from talking.

"McGarrett, right?"

"So?"

"I'm Carl, and that's my buddy Greg."

Steve just looked at him, waiting.

"You're the one who knocked Danny Williams around, right?" Carl asked, a little too eagerly for Steve's taste. "The first day of school?"

"So what if I did?"

"So? That was awesome, man! Williams had it coming, he's such a goody-goody."

Steve clenched his fists, unaccountably angry. It's not like he disagreed; Danny was too nice for his own good. That didn't mean he should be pummeled for it.

"Look, all we're saying is that you don't seem like you fit in around here either. And we thought maybe you'd like to come to a party tonight."

"Not interested," Steve said dismissively.

"Aw, come on!" Greg spoke for the first time. "My parents are out of town. It'll be cool."

Steve continued to decline but Carl gave him the address anyway. He'd been to his share of parties back home – as the star quarterback he got invited to _everything_ – but those had been mostly low key cookouts on the beach or pool parties. There'd been alcohol, and of course Steve had tried some beer, but that wasn't really his thing. He liked to keep himself in shape and drinking seemed counter productive.

He held his resolve until after dinner that night, when he received a surprise call from his dad. He leapt at the phone when Aunt Leigh held it out to him, hoping that this would finally be the call he'd been waiting for.

"Dad! I want to come home."

_I know you do, son. I wish it was time, I really do._

Steve's hopes fizzled, as they always did. Dad didn't want him there, might never want him home again.

_I know you're disappointed, son, but…_

He didn't wait around to hear the rest, just hung up the phone and grabbed his jacket on the way out the door.

"Steve, where are you going?" Aunt Leigh called after him.

"Out!" he snapped in reply. He practically ran the whole way in an effort to escape his father's dismissal. Greg's house was a single-family several streets over and the front door was gaping open when he got there. The muffled sounds of AC/DC drifted out, and Steve followed it through the house and down to the basement.

It was wall-to-wall bodies, the lights were too low, the music too loud, and Steve made straight for the keg. He was on his second cup of warm beer when Carl finally noticed him.

"McGarrett! Glad you could make it!" He clapped Steve on the shoulder.

"Me too," he replied, draining his cup and refilling it.

Carl dragged him around, introducing him to some people who seemed familiar from school and some he didn't know at all; he didn't bother trying to remember their names. After one complete circuit of the room and several more beers he was lucky he remembered his own name.

"Shave ice isn't the same as a sno-cone," Steve patiently explained to the pretty redhead sitting next to him on the floor. "Shave ice is _way_ better."

"Say something in Hawaiian," the girl asked, giggling.

"Aloha," Steve replied.

"Everyone knows that one."

"But did you know it means hello _and_ goodbye? And love."

"_Aloha_," she whispered in his ear.

Steve fumbled for his cup and knocked it over, spilling it all over himself. He jumped to his feet, pulling at his wet pants, and stumbled, catching himself on the wall. When the world stopped spinning he weaved his way across the room and went upstairs. He briefly considered just walking home but he wasn't sure he could remember the way. There was also the little matter of not being too steady on his feet.

Somehow he ended up in Carl's kitchen, clutching the counter with one hand and the phone with the other. He wanted to get out of there and there was only one person he knew to call.

_Hello?_ a female voice answered.

"No, not you. Where's Danny?"

_Who is this?_

"Really. Danny Williams. It's an emergency."

There was a thunk, like the girl had dropped the phone. _Danny! One of your drunk friends is on the phone._

There was a brief pause. _Who is this?_

"Hey, Danny. Finally. It's you." Steve knew he had a goofy grin on his face but he didn't care.

_Steve?_

"Yeah. Yes. It's me. Can you give me a ride? Cause I need one." He thought Danny would probably yell at him, or maybe refuse to pick him up. "Wouldn't blame you."

_Blame me for what? You know, never mind. Where are you?_

"Greg's house. You know Greg? He wears black like that singer." In an effort to be more helpful with that description, he started warbling _Ring of Fire_.

_Jesus, you're wasted. I'll be there in five minutes._

Steve looked stupidly at the handset when silence filled the line, then shrugged and hung it up. He untangled himself from the phone cord and decided to wait outside for his ride. He wasn't alone – there were several other kids out there smoking. The night air was nice and cool on his flushed skin, and Steve sprawled out on the stoop.

"Hey, man, you want a smoke?"

Steve blinked at the guy in front of him and shook his head. "Nope."

The guy shrugged and wandered back inside. Steve tipped his head up and tried to see the stars, but there was too much ambient light. Back home, on his beach, the stars were bright and shiny like diamonds.

He drifted for a little while until a horn sounded, jarring him back to reality. He grinned when he saw the blue minivan idling at the curb, and got unsteadily to his feet. The passenger side window rolled down and Danny's voice called out to him.

"If you're gonna hurl, do it before you get in my mom's car."

"I'm good," Steve insisted as he stumbled over a broken place in the sidewalk. Finally he made it to the minivan and slid into the passenger seat with a minimum of fumbling.

"You look like crap," Danny remarked critically.

"Feelin' good."

"I bet you are." He put the minivan in gear and pulled away from Greg's house. "You wanna tell me why Lone Wolf McGarrett went to a keg party?"

"My dad called," Steve replied with a shrug. He was aware that the alcohol was making him chatty, but it was also making him not really care about that; he was feeling nice and loose.

"Your dad called," Danny echoed. "So?"

"He hates me," Steve sighed. He rested his head back against the seat. "He'll never let me go home."

Danny made some kind of non-committal noise that Steve couldn't begin to interpret in his inebriated state. He closed his eyes, just for a minute, and the next thing he knew they were parked.

"This isn't the right house," he noticed immediately.

"It's mine," Danny said. "You really want to go home and let your aunt and uncle see you like this?"

"Um…no?"

"Come on. I'll sneak you into the basement and you can spend the night." He got out of the minivan and waited for Steve to do the same.

"Basement?"

"Just follow me, tall, dark and intoxicated. And try to keep your trap shut."

"Stealth mode. Got it." Steve made a big show of zipping his lips, which only made Danny roll his eyes. They crept around the side of the house to the back door. Danny did some quick surveillance through the window and then unlocked and opened the door as quietly as possible.

"You're good at this," Steve whispered loudly.

"Practice. And keep your voice down."

They slipped into the kitchen and Danny led the way to a half door in the hall, behind which was a flight of blue-carpeted stairs.

"Go down and wait for me," Danny hissed. "And be quiet!"

Steve did as he was told. There was no railing, so he leaned heavily on the wall as he made his way to the basement. There was only one small table lamp lighting the space but it was enough to see by. Off to one side was a washer and dryer, a basket of clothes sitting on the floor in front of them. On the other side were storage shelves stuffed full of various bags, boxes and bins. The rest of the basement seemed to be Danny's bedroom.

He wandered over to the double bed and sat down; the mattress was too soft for his taste. A large carpet remnant in a bland shade of tan defined the space, which also included a desk, a rolling chair, a wide dresser, a nightstand and two bookcases. On top of the dresser was a twenty inch television and Danny's Super NES game system, plus a stack of games; most of them seemed to be sports related. The back wall of the basement defined one edge of the room and the others were marked off by curtains hung from the ceiling tiles. It was a surprisingly cozy space.

Danny returned just as Steve was starting to yawn and list a little on the bed. "I called your aunt, told her you were staying over."

"She mad?"

"Probably. _I'm_ mad. What were you _doing_ over there?"

"Greg invited me," Steve said defensively. The happy buzz was starting to fade away. "I needed to get out of the house."

"And what? Mine's not good enough? I've been trying to get you over for weeks." Danny sat in the desk chair and put his feet up on the edge of the bed. "I'm good enough to pick your drunk ass up but not hang out with? That's messed up."

"It's not like that," Steve insisted. He was feeling guilty now and he didn't like that at all. It's not like Danny Williams understood what he was going through. Only Mary did, but it wasn't like she was there to commiserate with.

"Don't you get tired of being so angry all the time, man?" Danny asked softly.

Steve looked down at his hands, not surprised to see them clenched into fists on his thighs. "You don't know what it's like."

"And how do you know?" Danny challenged. "You don't know anything about me."

He sounded so angry that Steve looked up, surprised. Danny had been a lot of things during their short acquaintance – annoyed, irritated, exasperated – but never out and out angry. Right now his blue eyes were fairly snapping with it.

"You think I don't know what it's like to push everyone away because I don't want to feel anything but unhappy? To embrace that, because it's better than feeling completely wrecked?" Danny crossed his arms over his chest, emotions playing clearly across his expressive face. "I know what it feels like when you think you'll never be happy again, and then you feel guilty when life goes on and things are good. I _know_."

Steve just stared at him, eyes wide. Everything Danny had said was true; it was like he'd cracked open Steve's head and looked inside. He felt something shift deep in his chest, felt a mixture of gratitude for being understood and resentment at not being left alone with his own inner turmoil.

"I'm sorry about your mom," Danny said, and like magic he seemed to be his normal self again.

Steve blinked furiously against the sudden flood of moisture in his eyes and looked away. "Thanks."

"My brother Matty died three years ago."

He hunched his shoulders against the grief that permeated Danny's words. "He was the oldest. My big brother. He was at a convenience store in Paramus, buying smokes. Mom always yelled at him for smoking but he wouldn't quit. There was a robbery. He tried to stop the guy, got shot."

Steve didn't want to hear anymore. He could barely swallow past the lump in his throat, and a few traitorous tears had escaped to run down his face. He could remember all too well coming home from school that day and finding his dad sobbing in the bedroom. McGarretts never cried, or so he'd believed. He and Danny had a lot more in common than he'd ever imagined, and he wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not.

"Steve, if you ever want to talk…"

"You got a bathroom? I gotta piss."

Danny sighed. "Up the stairs to the right. But be quiet!"

Steve slid off the bed, angling his body away so that Danny couldn't see his face. Bad enough to be crying like a girl, but doing it in front of another guy was embarrassing.

He found the bathroom easily enough and just shook his head when he saw it had a beach theme; there were even little soaps shaped like seashells. He took care of pressing business, then splashed some water on his face. He didn't question how Danny knew about his mother; he'd heard that in the 'Burg everyone knew everything. It didn't mean he had to talk about it, especially when most days he was pretty successfully not thinking about it.

There was some Listerine in the medicine cabinet and Steve washed his mouth out with it, trying to get rid of the bitter beer taste. He was feeling less drunk and more tired when he shut the light and opened the bathroom door.

"So you're Steve?" asked the blonde girl in the hall. "Danny's drunk friend?"

He just stared at her, not sure what to say. This was clearly one of Danny's sisters, but wow. She wasn't very tall but really curvy, and he imagined that normally her hair would be quite poofy; right now it hung in two braids over her shoulders.

"I'm Rose, by the way. And I don't approve of you dragging my brother out this time of night. You know he has to be to work early tomorrow."

Well, no, Steve didn't know that. He didn't realize Danny worked weekends too. "Sorry," he muttered.

Rose's eyes narrowed. "You do this again and you will be." With that pronouncement she stalked further down the hall and disappeared through one of the doors there.

Steve made his way hastily back to the basement. While he'd been gone Danny had changed into a pair of cut-off sweatpants and a white tank top. He was too slow to catch the shorts and t-shirt that were tossed at his head, and had to bend over to pick them up.

"I have to be to work early tomorrow, so I hope you didn't want to do the whole sleepover thing where we stay up all night and curl each other's eyelashes."

"Yeah, I'll pass," Steve replied.

"You can change on the other side of the curtain, if you're worried about protecting your virtue."

"If I can change in a locker room full of football players, I can change in front of you." Steve had never been particularly body shy and it wasn't like he was getting naked or anything, so he quickly stripped down to his boxers and put on the clothes he'd been given.

"I've got the alarm set for four, but you don't have to get up when I do." Danny got on the side of the bed nearest the night stand, flopping on his belly. "Of course, if you stay up later you'll have to deal with the girls and my folks."

"Already met Rose," Steve said, getting in bed as well. Being horizontal was suddenly the best thing about his life; he was exhausted. "She ambushed me outside of the bathroom."

"Yeah, she'll do that. Ignore her, I always do." Danny turned off the light. They lay in the dark for a few minutes before Steve spoke.

"Thanks."

"No problem."

He moved around a bit, trying to get comfortable. He was used to sprawling across his bed, and he didn't want to touch Danny because that would probably be weird. Finally he settled on his back, one arm behind his head and the other hanging off the side of the bed.

"You work at the bakery?"

"Yeah. And I have to be there in like four hours, so can I please get some sleep?"

"Sorry." Steve closed his eyes and felt himself relax in increments. He reminded himself to get up with Danny when the alarm went off; he had no interest in joining the Williams family for breakfast, especially if it meant another interrogation by Rose.

This time it was Danny that broke the silence. "You know, my friend Steph is having a Halloween party. You should come."

"I don't really do Halloween."

"There's a newsflash." Danny sighed. "Seriously, it won't kill you. You survived Greg's party, and there won't be any drinking at Steph's. Just corny Halloween games and candy and stuff. You do celebrate Halloween in Hawaii, don't you?"

Steve frowned. "Of course we do. Honolulu has lots of stuff every year – graveyard tours and haunted mazes. Our street has a block party and a costume contest. We're a little old for that kind of thing, though, don't you think?"

"No. You're never too old for Halloween, McGarrett. I guarantee you'll have fun if you come, and give up your One Angry Man routine for a night."

"I thought you had to go to sleep."

Danny grumbled in reply, but fell silent. Steve had stopped doing the Halloween thing a couple years ago, when he and his friends decided there were more fun things to do than dress up and parade around the neighborhood. Usually they'd go to the Royal Theater for a monster movie marathon. This year he and a couple of the other guys, Joseph included, had planned to work the haunted maze out at the Dole Plantation. It was a paying job and all they had to do was jump out and scare people; it would've been a lot of fun. Certainly more fun than Steph's party probably would be.

When Danny started snoring softly into his pillow Steve sighed and turned on his side. While he was thinking of ways to get out of going to the party he fell asleep.

*o*o*o*

Steve waited impatiently for Danny to pick him up for Steph's party. For the last two weeks he'd been telling everyone what an awesome costume he had, but refused to give out any details. When the minivan pulled up out front of his aunt's house, Steve was destined for more disappointment; Danny was wearing a long wool coat that covered him from neck to ankles.

"Come on," Steve complained. "Seriously?"

"You'll have to wait till we get to the party, Soldier Boy."

Steve was dressed in Army fatigues and had a plastic M-16 slung over his shoulder. The only Navy costume he'd found was the white uniform and he wasn't a big fan of that. He still wasn't sure how he'd gotten talked into coming to this party, except maybe for the big reveal of Danny's costume.

"It's too bad you didn't go with the Sailor Boy outfit, that would've gone better with mine." Danny smirked.

"This better not be lame, for all the talking you've done about it."

"You'll laugh. I guarantee."

Steph Masur lived three streets over and Danny had a hard time finding a place to park. They ended up two blocks down and had to walk. October in Trenton was chilly; Steve could swear it was cold enough to snow. He wasn't sure how much he was going to like winter, though he suspected not much. He'd gotten over the desire to see snow when he was still a little kid.

When they got to Steph's house Danny gave a perfunctory knock on the front door and then walked right in. The living room and kitchen were full of kids from school, all of them wearing costumes. Pearl Jam was playing on the stereo, which didn't seem particularly festive to Steve, and the kitchen counters were covered with finger foods and plastic cauldrons filled with candy.

"Okay, we're here. Let's see it." Steve crossed his arms and waited.

"Yeah, Danny, let's see your costume," Steph added. She came over to join them, dressed like a sexy police woman with her long, curly black hair stuffed up underneath a hat with a badge pinned to the front. "It's all you've been talking about."

"Prepare to be amazed!" Danny turned his back to them and undid the buttons on his coat. Then he whirled around like a flasher, opening it wide to show off his costume. Steph immediately broke into gales of laughter, but Steve could only stare.

Danny was dressed in a hula outfit, complete with grass skirt and plastic coconut bra. He had a tight t-shirt on underneath that was supposed to be skin colored, but was much too peachy. He reached into the pocket of his coat and pulled out a lei made of pink silk flowers.

"Aloha!"

Steve's mouth opened, then closed again. He didn't know what to say. Danny looked totally ridiculous, but he'd dressed up as something Hawaiian and Steve knew it was for his own benefit.

"What's the matter, McGarrett? Nothing to say?"

He laughed. "Yeah. Hau'oli Ka La Ho'ola'a!"

"Once more in English?"

"Happy Halloween, Williams."

* * *

_**AN:**__ So, yeah, I had to do drunken Steve. I figured he's too angry not to get drunk at least once, right? It's a good thing he has Danny looking out for him and trying so hard to be his friend. Can't you just see him dressed like a hula girl? LOL! More Steve and Danny fun times coming in November, and of course more angst for poor Steve._


	3. November 1992

**November 1992**

Steve leaned against the brick wall of the bakery, hands deep in the pockets of his down-filled winter coat. In the week since election day the weather had turned quite cold, at least he thought it had; most of the other people passing by on the sidewalk were dressed more lightly. It was still fairly early on Saturday morning but Steve tried to keep a regular exercise schedule.

The Italian Peoples Bakery was doing a brisk business, and he was frequently assaulted by the smells of freshly-baked pastries. Steve considered it a test of self-control, fighting the urge to go inside and get something sweet. If Danny's shift didn't end soon, though, he was going to have to leave before he succumbed to temptation.

It was another five minutes before the door opened and Danny came out wearing only a flannel shirt and a puffy green vest. "If it isn't Nanook of the North," he said with a toothy grin.

"You smell like bread."

"No shit, Sherlock. I work in a bakery." Danny shoved a small white bag at Steve. "On the house."

"What's this?"

"You could open it, goof. That's what most people do. Well, most normal people and I realize you don't fit into that category."

Steve gave him a dirty look, but dutifully opened the bag. There was a tear-drop shaped…something…inside.

"What is it?" He pulled it out; it wasn't very big but surprisingly heavy.

"You'll like it. Take a bite."

Steve sniffed at it suspiciously, but hurriedly took a bite when Danny looked like he was going to snatch it out of his hands. The chocolate cookie was soft, and covered a dense core of coconut filling. It was delicious.

"Ha!" Danny punched him in the shoulder. "I knew you'd like it. Coconuts are Hawaiian, right?"

"Yeah, right." Steve finished off the cookie as he and Danny walked to the minivan.

"I assume you want a ride home? Or did you stop by hoping for some food?"

Steve shrugged and tried to look nonchalant. "You wanna hang out or something?"

Danny paused with one hand on the door handle, clearly surprised. "You want to hang out? Is the world coming to an end or something?"

"Forget it." Steve got into the minivan and buckled up, glowering. Sometimes Danny joked around too much when he wanted to be serious. He slid behind the wheel, looking contrite.

"You just caught me by surprise, McGarrett." He started up the minivan and pulled out into traffic. "Did you have something in mind?"

Steve shrugged. To be honest he hadn't really thought that far ahead. He'd been faced with another weekend alone and decided he was tired of his own company. More kids at school were talking to him now, ever since Steph's Halloween party, but Danny was still the closest thing he had to a friend.

"Okey dokey," Danny said. "You're not a planner, I can see that. Well, if you don't mind making one stop first we can go back to my house. I'll educate you on the finer points of video football."

"Sure." Steve remained hunched against the window, but his lip quirked up in a grin. Spending the day in Danny's basement room playing mindless video games sounded just about perfect. As long as Danny didn't try to talk about anything too personal.

He didn't pay attention to where they were going until Danny pulled into the parking lot of the YMCA. He assumed they were there to pick up one of the sisters, but Danny got out and motioned for him to do the same.

"What are we doing here?"

"Don't you have these in Hawaii?" Danny held open the door and ushered Steve inside.

"Probably. I don't know." He thought it was some kind of place for underprivileged kids to go and play basketball or something like that. He started to get an inclination of what his friend had in mind when they went down a hall that smelled increasingly of chlorine.

"See, here's what I was thinking." Danny opened the door that led to the Olympic-sized pool. "I know back home you probably surf and swim like every day, and that you haven't been able to do that since you came here."

Steve was at a loss for words, his eyes glued to the wide expanse of water in front of him. He couldn't believe Danny had thought of his, had recognized his unspoken need to swim.

"I know it's not the same as the ocean," Danny said apologetically. "But until it's warm enough to go to the shore this is the best you can do."

Steve found himself impulsively pulling Danny into a hug, which then instantly mortified him. He stepped back, face flaming. "Uh, sorry. I mean, mahalo. Thanks. For the pool."

Danny was flushed too, but he had a huge smile on his face and he gave Steve a hearty slap on the back. "You're welcome. Let's get you signed up and you can work out a swim schedule."

"And then you'll teach me how to play Madden NFL?" Steve asked hopefully.

"If by teach, you mean kick your ass."

They both laughed, and Steve took a moment to think this was turning into the best day he'd had since coming to New Jersey. Well, the best day that didn't involve alcoholic enhancement.

*o*o*o*

"Steve!" Mary flew out of the house before he was even all the way out of the cab. He was pathetically glad to see her, even as he noted how thin she'd gotten.

"Hey, squirt." He caught her up in a big bear hug and swung her around. "Get back inside before you freeze to death."

There was no snow yet in Indiana, though New Jersey had already had a dusting of the stuff. Steve was bundled up in his coat, a wool cap and insulated gloves, but he was still cold. Mary only had on a t-shirt, flannel pants and slipper socks.

"Is that all you brought?" she asked, indicating the duffle bag Steve swung over his shoulder.

"How much do I need for three days?" He paid the cabbie and trailed after his sister as she bounced back into the house. He'd never been to Aunt Deb's before and was immediately overwhelmed by the smell of potpourri and the seeming hundreds of Hummel figurines that sat on every available flat surface.

"You get used to them," Mary whispered, correctly interpreting the horrified look on his face.

"Stevie? My God! Look at you!" Aunt Deb appeared seemingly out of nowhere and captured his face between her hands, giving him a careful once over. "You look good, sweetie."

He could only nod. He'd forgotten how much his aunt looked like her sister – Steve's mother. A wave of painful longing rose up and threatened to drown him, but he swallowed it all back down.

"Woody! Come meet my handsome nephew!"

_Woody?_ he mouthed at Mary. She just grinned. Aunt Deb stepped back and Steve was able to take a more objective look at her. While her facial features were very similar to his mom's, in all other respects they were very different. Aunt Deb kept her normally light brown hair dyed a deep maroon-red and wore it in a messy knot on top of her head. Her nails were long and sculpted, painted a vivid shade of purple that matched the western-style shirt she wore. She was bright and standoutish whereas Steve's mom had been softer and more reserved.

A man came in from the rear of the house, dressed in a sweater vest and slacks, his beard and moustache neatly trimmed. His facial hair was salt and pepper, though the hair on his head was still a dark brown.

"Pleased to meet you, Steve." They shook hands. "Mary's done nothing but talk about you for weeks."

"Woody is Aunt Deb's boyfriend," Mary said helpfully.

"Take your brother upstairs and show him his room. Dinner will be ready in ten minutes." Aunt Deb tugged Woody out of the room; Steve could hear them kissing noisily as soon as they were out of sight.

"He seems…nice." Steve followed Mary up a narrow staircase.

"Woody's okay." She opened the first door in the upstairs hall. "This is the guest room. Mine's right next door."

Steve tossed his duffel bag next to the bed and flopped down on it. The flight hadn't been very long but his layover had been almost five hours; he was exhausted. The sheets smelled of lavender.

"So how's Jersey?" Mary sat at the foot of the bed, legs crossed. "Is it awful and full of smog?"

"It's okay, I guess. Danny says I'm starting to assimilate."

"What does _that_ mean?"

"It means I'm not sticking out like such a sore thumb." He wasn't sure he agreed with Danny's assessment but he certainly was spending less time alone, or with his aunt and uncle. He had, in fact, become a regular fixture at the Williams house – he'd now eaten several meals there, though he rarely joined in the noisy cacophony that passed for dinner conversation.

"And you're still swimming?"

"Every day after school." It was sometimes crowded and lacked every good quality of the Pacific ocean, but water was water and he was getting used to that difference too. "How about you? Things okay?"

"Cripes, I don't want to talk about me. It's all just school and stuff." Mary waved a dismissive hand. "Do you…does Dad call you?"

Steve's jaw clenched painfully. "I haven't talked to him."

"I wish we could go home," Mary murmured. "I don't like it here."

"Kids! Dinner!" Aunt Deb's bellow carried up the stairs.

"Prepare yourself for goulash." Mary pulled a face. "Tomorrow will be better at least."

Steve sighed. He wondered how long it would take until he wished he was back in Jersey.

*o*o*o*

As it turned out, it took Steve until the following morning to wish himself back to Trenton. He switched between the Macy's parade and the channel that showed the parade in Hawaii; when the Kukui High band went marching by on screen his throat tightened up so much he could barely breathe. It went downhill from there. Aunt Deb was hard at work on Thanksgiving dinner preparations and Mary found some fault with each and every part of it.

"You didn't put any pineapple in the stuffing? Mom always did."

"Cranberry sauce in a can?"

"Mom never mashed the yams."

Steve was aware that Aunt Deb was getting more and more annoyed, and he understood that it wasn't fair to her that she did things differently from their mom. And maybe it had been a bad idea coming here for the first Thanksgiving since…

"Mary! Give it a rest!" Something slammed down in the kitchen and Mary went running by Steve, tears in her eyes.

Steve crossed his arms and hunched in on himself. This wasn't how things were supposed to be. Thanksgiving meant watching the parade with Dad, and then gearing up for the football game they'd watch after dinner. Mom would be in the kitchen with Mary, stuffing the turkey with pineapple stuffing and showing Mary how to make apple pie. They'd eat together in the dining room, sharing the same old silly family stories they knew so well. Then there'd be football and the annual viewing of March of the Wooden Soldiers, which Mom had always watched as a kid, and late night turkey sandwiches.

There would never be another Thanksgiving like that now, and he rubbed his arm across his eyes, angry with himself for crying. He turned off the television, not in the mood for any more floats or balloons or marching bands. He knew he should probably talk to Mary, try to smooth things over for the sake of the holiday. Then he spied something on the entertainment center and thought that might be even better.

Steve scrubbed at his face and headed up the stairs to his sister's room. He knocked once and then poked his head in. Mary was lying facedown on her bed, the stream of curses coming out of her mouth muffled by the pillow.

"Hey, Mare." He leaned in the open doorway, arms crossed. "You busy?"

"Go away."

"You didn't tell me Aunt Deb had an Atari. You wanna have a Frogger competition?"

Mary rolled over and looked at him with red-rimmed eyes. "What?"

"Frogger. Let's play."

"You're no good at it, you know I'll kick your butt." And now there was smug superiority, which was preferable to angry tears.

"Yeah, well, I've been practicing. Danny has a Nintendo."

"Cool."

Steve headed back to the living room and Mary followed. They passed the rest of the time until dinner playing Frogger and Pacman and Triathlon. It was enough that when it was finally time to join Aunt Deb and Woody, Mary was able to at least be civil.

*o*o*o*

It was just after eleven, and everyone else had called it a night, stuffed full of turkey and pie. Thanksgiving may have started off badly, but it ended on a good note. Whatever else Aunt Deb did differently, after dinner she'd pulled out a copy of March of the Wooden Soldiers and Steve had been stupidly grateful for it. He hadn't even minded when Mary curled up next to him to watch it, her head on his shoulder.

Now, though, he was feeling antsy and unsettled. Dad hadn't called, not all day, and it hadn't gone unnoticed. His mother's absence had been bigger than he'd anticipated, and he'd thought about her more today than he had in months. And it hurt, it hurt a lot.

Steve snuck downstairs, making his way carefully through a minefield of Hummels thanks to the streetlight shining through the windows. There was a cordless phone in the living room, which he took into the den. It was completely dark in there, at the back of the house, but luckily the buttons on the phone lit up when he turned it on. He felt bad, calling so late, but he needed to talk to someone who would understand how he was feeling. The call was picked up on the second ring.

_Do you have any idea what time it is? Normal people don't call this late._

Steve couldn't help the grin that spread across his face. "So why did you answer it?"

_Knowing you, you'd keep calling and then you'd wake up my mother. Can't have that. Everything okay?_

"Kind of a crappy day. Mary cried a lot."

_Yeah. We had some of that too. Holidays are always hard._

Steve could hear some sadness in Danny's voice, and wondered if the Williams' had talked about Matty, sharing memories. There'd been none of that at Aunt Deb's table, but it probably would've made things worse; maybe next year, when the loss wasn't still so fresh.

"Did you watch the parade?"

_Parades aren't really my thing. We have a touch football match every year. Could've used you._

"I bet. Did your team win?"

_We would've but Rose cheats._

"I can see that." Steve could easily imagine the whole family, and probably a boatload of cousins too, playing football in the yard. He felt guilty for wishing he was there instead of with his own sister.

_So what time is it in Indiana?_

"Same time as Jersey, dingus. Don't you know your geography?"  
_Time zones aren't geography, so sue me._ The tone was indignant but Danny's laugh sapped it of intensity. _Hey, I saved you a piece of my mom's pecan pie. You'll never touch another one after hers, I guarantee._

"Cool. Thanks. I'd offer you a souvenir but all my aunt has around here are Hummel figurines. Like, a million of them. It's creepy."

_I hate those things. Always worried I'm going to break them. My gram likes the ones with the big eyes._

"Why do girls need so much frou-frou crap anyway?"

_You got me, pal. Listen, I better go. You'll be back on Saturday, right?_

"Yeah, but not till like seven."

_You wanna hang out on Sunday? My annoying cousins should be gone by then._

"Sure. Sounds good."

_See you then, McGarrett_. Danny ended the call and Steve sat there in the den, feeling tired enough now to get some sleep but not ready to head back to the guest room yet. He tried not to think about how difficult Christmas was likely to be, and vowed that he was staying put in Trenton for that one. Unless, of course, Dad changed his mind and he was back home in Hawaii by then.

"Keep dreaming," he muttered to himself. He finally got up and returned the phone, then made his way back to his room. He fell asleep thinking of stuff he and Danny could do on Sunday.

* * *

_**AN:**__ And holiday season begins. I figured it was time for Steve to start coming out of his shell and actually initiating spending some time with Danny. I have to say that Aunt Deb is an amalgamation of several female relatives of mine. I feel kind of bad for her – she has no chance against the memory of Steve and Mary's mom (their much nicer than TV Doris mom, I should add). However difficult Thanksgiving was for Steve, I can promise you that Christmas will be much worse._


	4. December 1992

**December 1992**

It was early December and there had finally been some real snow. Just an inch or so, but Steve had spent at least an hour sitting by the window watching the big flakes come down. Danny had promised to show him the many wonders of outdoor fun in the snow, as soon as they got enough of the stuff. He admitted it was kind of nice, seeing the coating of white on everything, but it made him even colder just looking at it. Still, he bundled up and cut through the park to Danny's house. Mrs. Williams met him at the door.

"Steve, can you remind Daniel that he needs to pick up milk?"

"Sure thing." He veered off to the garage, where Danny was pulling out the minivan. He rapped on the driver side window and waited for Danny to roll it down.

"S'up?"

"Your mom said not to forget the milk."

Danny scowled. "When did I turn into the errand boy around here? Bad enough I have to take the midget to dance class."

Sure enough, Steve checked the back and there was the youngest Williams sister, Toni-Marie, with her pink gym bag on the seat beside her. He was pretty sure she did ballet or something like that over at the community center.

"Oh. I was gonna see if you wanted to go to the movies." His dad had just sent him some money and he was feeling flush. Plus, he really wanted to see the new Tom Cruise movie.

Danny tapped thoughtfully on the steering wheel. "I can drop her off and then we can check movie times. We should have enough time before her class is over."

Steve nodded, moving around the front of the minivan so he could get in the passenger seat. Even if they couldn't make the movie they could at least hang out together for a while.

"Hey, _Steeeeve_," Toni-Marie sing-songed.

"Hey," he replied.

"Stop talking to my friends," Danny said. "Juniors don't talk to sixth-graders."

"I can talk to whoever I want. It's a free country."

"Not in this car." Danny turned up the Genesis song that was playing on the radio. "So what movie do you want to see? Cause Dracula looks pretty good. Might be some good fang action."

Steve rolled his eyes. "I'd rather see A Few Good Men."

"Well, that's a shocker. Of course you would. It's probably a training film for the Army, right?"

"Navy, and no. It just looks good, that's all." Truth was, Steve didn't normally go in for courtroom dramas but he had a hard time turning down a Navy film. Plus, Tom Cruise was pretty cool; Top Gun was still one of his favorite movies. Steve was planning on joining the Navy and he thought maybe he'd be a pilot. Or a SEAL, because they were elite and he figured that getting through the training would be a huge accomplishment that even his dad could be proud of.

"If we go, I totally get to pick the next one," Danny warned.

"Okay."

"You better not be late picking me up," Toni-Marie shouted from the backseat, trying to be heard over the radio.

"Whatever." Danny pulled up in front of the community center and let her out. "Wait inside when you get finished."

"Whatever," she mimicked with a sneer.

"I hate sisters."

Steve just nodded his agreement. They drove to Cinema Plaza and got extremely lucky with the timing – the next showing of the movie was in ten minutes. He paid for the tickets, feeling a little self-conscious when Danny smirked at him.

"Ooh, I didn't know this was a date, McGarrett."

"Shut up. Just for that you can buy your own popcorn."

Danny just laughed and Steve tried not to blush. They would've had to get separate popcorns in any case, because Danny got way too much of that disgusting, slimy butter on his. They picked seats about halfway up, Steve taking the aisle so he'd have extra room to stretch out his long legs.

"Four bucks a ticket," Danny said. "And then they hit you for snacks and drinks. Such a ripoff."

Steve shrugged. "It's still worth it, to see it on the big screen. Well, the good movies anyway. I wouldn't waste my money on a romance or anything like that."

"It's not like there's a lot of action in this one," Danny pointed out. Steve noticed how greasy his fingers already looked from the popcorn, which turned his stomach just a little.

"Yeah, but it's Cruise and Nicholson. Some actors deserve to be seen larger than life."

"I guess so. I think our chances of seeing any naked bodies in this one are pretty slim, though."

Steve didn't dignify that with a response, and then the lights went down and the previews started. He and Danny held whispered conversations during each, agreeing they would definitely have to come see Jurassic Park, which Steve pointed out was filmed in Hawaii, and maybe The Fugitive because Tommy Lee Jones was pretty badass.

Once the movie started Steve only had eyes for the screen, repeatedly ignoring Danny's attempts to whisper to him about this or that until finally he gave up and left Steve alone. For courtroom stuff it was surprisingly riveting and he was practically on the edge of his seat during the big finale. When the credits rolled and the lights came back up he sighed and relaxed back in his seat.

"Jeez, you're like a zombie when you watch a movie." Danny elbowed him in the side. "Or were you mesmerized by all those uniforms?"

"You didn't like it?"

"I didn't say that."

"Well you didn't say you did."

They glowered at each other for a minute and then simultaneously burst out laughing. Steve reminded himself that this wasn't actually a date, and that it didn't matter if Danny liked the movie or not because he certainly had.

Danny looked at his watch and cursed. "Damn! Let's get going. Toni-Marie's class finished up like ten minutes ago."

They jostled each other down the stairs and back out to the lobby. Steve tossed his empty popcorn box in the garbage and then it was back out in the wintery cold to get to the car.

"Okay, so, the movie wasn't bad," Danny conceded once they were underway again. "Nicholson can be damn scary."

"But the Navy beat him in the end." And yeah, that was probably more exciting than it should've been; even though he wasn't in the Navy himself – yet –he felt smug about the victory. "Just proves that brains beats brawn."

"You keep telling yourself that."

"Hey, don't forget the milk," Steve reminded him with a grin.

"Shut up."

"You shut up."

"My God, you really are a child aren't you? Why don't you try acting your age instead of your shoe size?"

Steve laughed. "And Danny Williams swoops in with a killer comeback! Stay tuned for 'I'm rubber and you're glue.'"

"You're a real laugh riot, McGarrett."

"It's a skill."

"This is officially the worst date ever."

"Not a date, and no it isn't." Steve crossed his arms over his chest, but couldn't keep the grin off his face.

When they pulled up to the community center and saw Toni-Marie standing just inside the doors, a huge scowl on her face, they just laughed even harder. By the time she stomped over and got into the minivan they were gasping for breath.

"You guys suck and I'm telling Mom."

"Shut up before I order a Code Red on you," Danny warned, wheezing.

"You can't _handle_ the truth!" Steve crowed.

"Boys are idiots," Toni-Marie grumbled.

*o*o*o*

The holiday season was in full swing but Steve couldn't care about any of it. Trying to be understanding of his mood, Aunt Leigh had toned back the decorations around the house, but there was no escaping it at school or the YMCA, or especially the Williams house which looked like Christmas had thrown up all over it. As hard as Thanksgiving had been, this was ten times worse and he took to staying in his room when he wasn't at school or swimming.

Danny kept trying to draw him out, luring him with video game challenges and his mom's world famous lasagna, but Steve didn't want to be cheered; he wanted to wallow in his misery for a change. He lay on his bed, shades pulled, and listened to Aunt Deb's Air Supply tape. He'd already listened to it all the way through once and was back to the A side when Danny poked his head in the door.

"Hey, Quasimodo, time to come out of hiding."

"Go away." Steve turned on his side, putting his back to the door, but he should've known it wouldn't be that easy. Danny invited himself in and thumped down on the bed next to him.

"Air Supply? Are you really that far gone?" He poked Steve in the shoulder. "Hey, how come you turned down Emily Janitz? I hear she asked you to the Christmas dance."

"I'm not going to some stupid dance." Not that Emily wasn't nice and pretty and all that, but he didn't dance. And he certainly didn't dance at Christmas, where there'd be mistletoe hidden all over like festive little landmines.

"The only reason she isn't pissed at you is because you've cultivated the broody so well. Like James Dean or something. They expect you to be antisocial." Danny stretched out next to him, knocking him with is elbow.

"Then why even ask me?"

"Girls like mysterious bad boys. It's a thing."

"Are you going?" Steve was honestly curious. Danny seemed to get along well with almost everyone, and certainly had a lot of friends that were girls, but he never dated anyone.

"Yeah. I'm taking Steph."

That got Steve to roll over so he could fix Danny with an incredulous look. "Steph? Are you _nuts_?"

"Probably. But Joe wouldn't take her and she really wants to go. This way she can make him jealous."

"You must have a death wish." Steph and Joe were a hot and heavy item, except when they weren't. Steve couldn't keep up with how many times they'd broken up and gotten back together. Joe was really possessive, even when they weren't together, and had given his share of black eyes to guys unfortunate enough to want to hang out with Steph when he wasn't around.

"Joe doesn't worry me," Danny said dismissively. He had his hands behind his head. "I know how to speak Cro-Magnon. I get plenty of practice with you."

Steve kicked him in the shin.

"Listen, McGarrett. You need to stop moping around. I get that Christmas is probably really sucky for you this year; believe me, I sympathize. But it's okay to have a little fun. It's not disrespectful to your mom or anything."

There was nothing Steve wanted to talk about _less_. "Go away, Danny." He rolled again, burying his face in his pillow.

"Nope. Get up, we're going sledding."

"Don't wanna."

"You owe me. Get up." Danny nudged him with his hip.

Steve turned his head and glared at him. "Owe you for what?"

"For the thing with the guy. Let's go already. Unless you want me moving in here, which I'm fully prepared to do if that's what gets you motivated."

"You're a pain in the ass," Steve grumbled. But he got up off the bed.

"So I've been told. Come on, the car's parked out front."

"Where are we going?"

"There's an empty lot on Washington. One of the guys that runs the town plow makes sure a shitload of snow gets dumped there, and a bunch of kids make a sledding hill out of it. It's pretty cool."

Steve made a non-committal noise and gathered up all his winter wear. Twenty minutes later they were parked on Washington in front of what looked like a solid wall of snow at least six feet high.

"Wow."

"Darn right wow." Danny went around the back of the minivan and pulled out an oblong plastic sled. "Let's go!"

Steve followed him through a narrow opening that had been dug through the snow wall. When they came through the other side he finally understood why everyone had been so excited about the snowfall that had blanketed much of Jersey for the last three days. There were about fifteen kids ranged around the hill, some sliding down and screaming all the way, others building jumps and forts at the base.

"Steve McGarrett, welcome to winter!" With that cheery welcome, Danny threw a handful of snow in his face.

Steve froze for minute in shock, and then quickly retaliated, hooking his foot around Danny's leg and dumping him on his back. Quick as a flash his own legs were pulled out from under him until they were both lying in the snow, laughing.

"Laugh it up, fuzzball. Let's get to the top of the hill." Danny sprang to his feet and gave Steve a hand up, then grabbed the sled. They hiked up to the top of the hill and got in line behind two other sleds.

"Hey Williams," a lanky guy in a Carhartt tagged him on the shoulder. "What's doin'?"

"Teaching my Hawaiian friend the joys of a fast sled on the snow." Danny nudged him with a shoulder. "Steve, this is Brendan."

"Hey," said Steve.

"Hey," said Brendan.

"You ever been on a jet ski?" Steve asked. "Now that's fast."

"No, but I've taken a snow mobile out a time or two. My cousin has a place in New York, they get a ton of snow there."

"That sounds sweet."

"Hey," Danny interjected. "Adrenalin junkies! You're holding up the line, man."

Brendan sketched a salute and then did a running dive onto his round metal sled, hooting his way down the hill.

"That must kill his knees," Steve observed.

"If you stay out here long enough the cold kind of numbs them."

Well, there was a piece of good news. It was their turn at the take-off point and it didn't look like much from Steve's point of view. The slope wasn't particularly steep, though some of the jumps looked promising. Danny tossed the sled down.

"You sit in front and I'll get us moving. Can you keep your ridiculously long legs on there?"

"I'll manage." Steve folded himself up on the front of the sled, knees up to his chin. He hoped there was enough room for Danny on the back.

"Hang on, McGarrett!" Danny called out from behind, and then dove onto the sled, pushing it forward. The ride was swift but short; Steve was just enjoying the feel of the wind on his face when they side-swiped a jump and went careening into the snow bumper that had been set up at the other side of the lot. Danny's head was mashed into Steve's armpit and he was cackling. Steve was too breathless to join in.

"You alive?"

Steve shook his head.

"You want to go again?"

Steve nodded enthusiastically. For a little while he forgot all about how depressed he was supposed to be.

*o*o*o*

"Merry _fucking_ Christmas!" Steve threw the phone at Uncle Tommy. He was sick and tired of hearing how bad his father felt about missing the holidays and how it wasn't time to come home yet. Bad enough this was his mother's holiday, that it always would be and therefore forever ruined, but his father couldn't even drag himself away long enough to be with his children.

"Steven!" Aunt Leigh looked shocked and there was a good chance that Uncle Tommy was going to kick his ass, so Steve just turned and left. He walked out the door, leaving behind his coat, hat and gloves; it was only good luck that he had his sneakers on.

He didn't have a clear destination in mind; he just needed to get away from the house with its Christmas tree and Santa Claus tablecloth and cheery carols playing on the stereo. He trudged through the park, sticking to the path that had been cleared of snow, until he came out the other side on Emory.

The Williams house was brightly lit, outlined in multicolored Christmas lights. Two plastic Santas stood sentry on either side of the front door. Steve walked closer, until he could hear the sound of their voices raised in the shouting match that passed for normal dinner conversation. He knew it was just the six of them – the cousins weren't due in until the following day, and he didn't even want to think what the decibel level would be then.

Steve stood there for a while, not sure what to do. He was freezing, his fingers going numb in the cold. He knew he couldn't go back to his aunt and uncle's house, but he couldn't face a room full of cheery Williamses either. Then again, they were probably all in the dining room so there was a chance he could sneak in the back and go hide out in Danny's room. At least then he could get warm.

Decided, he followed the shoveled path to the back door, peeking carefully in the kitchen window. There was no sign of anyone in there, just a pile of dirty pots and pans in the sink. Steve waited a full minute, just to be sure, before opening the door just wide enough to slip inside. He let out a sigh of relief at the heat that blasted him as soon as he was in the kitchen.

The noise was even louder now that he was inside the house, the voices augmented by the clink of silverware and the barely audible tones of Frank Sinatra singing about frosted windowpanes. Steve skulked down the hall, clinging to the wall as much as possible, and then he was down the stairs like a shot. The tension immediately left his shoulders once he hit the basement and he was finally able to take his first deep breath since his father had called.

He kicked off his shoes and sat on the bed, knees drawn up and blanket around his shoulders. The only Christmas decoration in Danny's room was the molded plastic Nativity on the desk, and Steve found himself staring at it; it was like he could ignore all the clashing chatter in his head if he just looked at it hard enough, memorized every detail.

He must've dozed off because the next thing he knew Danny was shaking his shoulder and frowning down at him.

"You wanna tell me what you're doing, Goldilocks? Your aunt called, all upset."

Steve rubbed his eyes. "What time is it?"

"Time to tell me what's going on with you, that's what friggin' time it is." Danny plunked himself down on the bed and glowered. "You're lucky my mom smoothed things over. Oh, and for the record? If you're gonna sneak into someone's house, take your shoes off first; you tracked snow across the kitchen floor and most of the way down the hall. Not your stealthiest moment."

"My dad called." There was no sense not talking about it, he knew Danny would hound him mercilessly until he spilled.

"No offense, but I really hate that guy."

"Yeah, well, you and me both." Steve sighed and wrapped his arms around his knees. "I just…there's no way I can do Christmas. Not this year. Maybe not ever."

Danny bumped him with his shoulder. "I know it feels like that now, but I promise it gets better. Not awesome, but better."

They sat in silence for a while, listening to the muffled sounds from upstairs. Steve felt comfortable here, more than he did at Aunt Leigh's, which was kind of funny since Danny asked more of him than anyone else did; he was constantly pushing him, poking at him, dragging him out to go sledding when he wanted to sit around in a funk. It was no surprise that he broke the silence first.

"Do you want to talk about her?"

"No." But that didn't stop Steve's eyes from watering or his throat from getting tight. "She loved Christmas. I mean, really loved it. She always did it up big – gingerbread houses, home…homemade wreaths…"

In his mind's eye he could see her, sitting at the kitchen table weaving pine branches together. It was a messy job and she complained for days after of the sap on her hands, but the wreaths were always beautiful.

"It wasn't…perfect. I know it wasn't. She and Dad argued a lot, usually about his job. But Christmas…she always…she worked hard to make it good for us. And now…"

Steve dropped his head on his knees, unable to fight back the tears anymore. He was mortified, not just to be crying but to be _crying like a girl_. The sounds he was making were horrible and embarrassing and he was sure he'd never be able to look Danny in the eye again. But to his surprise his friend slung an arm across his shoulders and just held on.

"It's okay to miss her, Steve. It's okay to remember the good stuff."

He tried to nod but he was shaking so much he wasn't sure Danny could even tell. He was grateful that his friend had adopted him, had refused to take no for an answer. Maybe Danny couldn't understand all of it – he still had supportive parents – but he understood enough.

It took about ten minutes and a handful of tissues to get himself under control. He was still embarrassed about losing it in front of Danny, but found he could look him in the eye after all.

"Thanks."

"That's what friends are for, McGarrett." Danny took his arm back after giving Steve a squeeze on the shoulder. "You hungry? Mom made you a plate."

"I can't go up there," Steve whispered. "I can't…"

"Hey, relax, it's okay. I'll bring it down." Danny grinned at him. "Mom talked to your aunt; it's okay if you want to sleep over."

"Yeah?" And really, he shouldn't have felt as happy about that as he did but it was nice to have a reprieve, no matter how temporary.

"Yeah. Be right back." Danny bounded up the stairs, returning quickly with a plate, silverware, and a package under his arm wrapped in striped Christmas paper. "I hope you like fish. Traditional Williams Christmas Eve dinner."

"Can't live in Hawaii and not love fish," Steve pointed out. He moved from the bed to the desk, suddenly starving. The plate was mounded high with broiled salmon, shrimp scampi, fettuccini alfredo, and fried flounder.

"Here, open this first. You can sleep in it." Danny tossed him the package, which was soft-wrapped.

Steve caught it but just held it in his hands, feeling guilty. He'd been spending all his time moping and hadn't done any Christmas shopping, even though his dad had sent money.

"I don't have anything for you."

Danny rolled his eyes. "You can pay me back by doing my physics homework. Just open it."

Needing no further encouragement Steve ripped into the package. A moment later he was bent in half, laughing. Danny had gotten him a t-shirt emblazoned with _I Heart Trenton_.

"Merry Christmas, McGarrett."

"Mele Kalikimaka, Danny."

* * *

_**AN:**__ December – the best of times and the worst of times. I remember going to see A Few Good Men at our campus theater. My friends and I liked it so much we saw it all three nights it played. So of course I had to have the boys go and see it too. And just when you think Steve's had all the angst he can stand, just wait till January rolls around!_


	5. January 1993

**January 1993**

Things between Steve and his aunt and uncle had been strained since Christmas. He'd been grounded for a week for being disrespectful to his father on the phone and lost all TV privileges for that same week for using foul language. He knew Aunt Leigh was hurt that he'd spent almost all of Christmas Day over at Danny's, roughhousing with the Williams cousins and letting Mrs. Williams fuss over him. It had just been easier.

Now he only had one day left of his punishment but he was getting antsy. Aunt Leigh had lifted the TV ban so he could watch Dick Clark and the ball dropping in Times Square, which didn't really interest him, though it had been cool seeing Slaughter rocking out _Up All Night_; Aunt Leigh had practically swooned when Barry Manilow performed.

The adults had gone to bed as soon as Rockin' Eve wrapped up but Steve wasn't tired. He wondered how much more trouble he'd get in if he got caught sneaking out but he weighed that against the chance that Danny might still be up and they could hang out for a while. It being the new year and everything, maybe Danny could swipe one of his dad's beers for them to share.

It was unbelievably cold out; just breathing made the inside of Steve's nose prickle. He decided he was well and truly over the whole winter thing, and wondered how long before the weather started warming up again. Danny had been regaling him with tales of trips to the shore and he desperately wanted to go.

He wasn't the only one cutting through the park, despite the late hour. Presumably there were some parties in progress; everyone he saw seemed at least a little tipsy, and one couple was fall-down drunk. Steve avoided all of them as best he could. The snow sounded unusually loud under his boots and he thought he might need to reconsider wearing a scarf; he thought he looked stupid in it but it was better than trying to hunch up in his coat like a turtle. Luckily Danny's house was in sight.

He went around the side towards the kitchen door, which was the entrance and exit the Williams' used in lieu of the fancy front door, and then stopped short. Danny was pressed up against the side of the house, half-hidden in shadow, kissing someone. Steve stopped breathing for a moment, surprised. Danny hadn't said anything about seeing anyone, and he was a little hurt that he'd been keeping that a secret. Steve tried to see who she was without giving himself away, and then the kissing stopped and the other person stepped into the light from the kitchen window.

It was a guy.

Steve made a strangled noise before turning and running, hoping Danny hadn't seen him there spying. Danny. Who was kissing another _guy_. Every time he thought it, his chest tightened until he almost couldn't breathe. Despite the late hour and the frigid temps, he headed back for the park, brushed some snow off a table and sat on the edge of it to keep his coat between his ass and the cold surface of the table.

Danny was kissing another guy. Did that mean he was gay? Steve wasn't sure, but he hated that guy in the green jacket who took something from Danny that Steve hadn't even known was available. Not that _he_ was gay. It was just…how could he have kept that to himself? He was always trying to get Steve to reveal his deepest, darkest secrets; it didn't seem fair that he hadn't reciprocated. And even though it was stupid, Steve felt a little angry that Danny hadn't come to him, hadn't…approached him. _Not_ that he was gay. But he was relatively good looking, he knew that well enough from the way girls always acted around him, and he and Danny got along pretty well all things considered.

He shook his head in frustration, trying to clear out those thoughts. He hunched in on himself against the cold, and against the disappointment, and started to lose the feeling in his face. He wasn't surprised when he heard someone approaching, their steps loud in the cold, quiet air. Danny cleared off a spot on the table beside him and sat down, staring at his gloved hands.

"So. Are you gonna be a dick about this?"

Steve flinched at the bitterness in Danny's voice. What the hell was he so upset about? He was the one keeping secrets. He was the one _kissing a guy_. Steve dipped his head until everything below his eyes was hidden by the collar of his coat. The cold was seeping into him, his legs already going numb with it. He wished it would do the same to his brain.

"This is why I didn't tell you," Danny snapped. He got off the table and paced in small, tight circles. "This is why I don't tell _anyone_."

There were a lot of things Steve could've said at that juncture. He could've reassured Danny that the whole gay thing didn't really bother him, which he was pretty sure was true, or he could've assured him he'd keep his secret and ask him to not leave him out of the loop the next time. Instead he asked the one thing that made him sound like a spurned boyfriend.

"Who is he?"

Danny stopped pacing and glared at him. "No-one you know."

More secrets, and suddenly Steve wasn't feeling very well. He slid off the table and started walking away. He wanted to get warm, and stop shaking. He wanted to crawl in bed and stay there.

"You're a real asshole!" Danny called out behind him, voice thick.

*o*o*o*

Steve was confused and Danny was pissed, and the next few days felt like the first two weeks of school all over again. It should've been easy, reverting back, but it was killing Steve. He hadn't intended it, hadn't wanted it, but Danny has insinuated himself into almost every aspect of his life. He'd fucking _cried_ in front of him, and maybe that was why something hard twisted in his guts every time Danny turned away from him or he pointedly ignored Danny. Their cold war didn't go unnoticed.

"What's up with you two?" Steph asked at lunch.

Steve and Danny were sitting on opposite sides of the cafeteria, which probably crossed the line into ridiculousness. If it wasn't so horribly cold outside Steve would've returned to the bleachers, eating alone.

"Nothing." He poked at his powdered mashed potatoes.

"Don't be an idiot, Steve. I thought you guys were friends."

"We _are_," Steve said defensively. Steph snorted.

"Gimme a break. You're practically on separate continents. The Siberian tundra is warmer than the air between you two."

"Poetic."

Steph sighed and rested her elbows on the table. "Look, Steve. I like you. You're a good guy. I'd hate to see you go back to the rude, loner dickweed you were when you first got here."

"You really know how to make a guy feel good." Steve gave up on the potatoes and took another bite of his gravy-covered Salisbury steak, which almost tasted like meat. "Can I ask you a question?"

"I don't know, can you?"

He rolled his eyes. "I'm serious!"

"You're never _not_ serious, Steve."

"Does Danny…date?" He felt somehow traitorous for even asking, but it had been weighing on his mind. He'd never have thought that Danny went for guys, but it had occurred to him that he'd never seen him go for girls either. He hung out with a lot of them, though, and of course took Steph to the Christmas dance.

He knew immediately he'd made a mistake; Steph was giving him an intense, speculative look that made his skin crawl. It was a personal question and he should've just asked Danny, except that he couldn't ask someone he wasn't talking to.

"Danny hasn't had a steady girl since Tiffany Giaimo in fourth grade. But yeah, he dates. Occasionally."

Steve couldn't help but look across the cafeteria, where Danny was sitting with that jerk Dale Scott and his cronies. He didn't know what they were talking about but Danny was in full-on hand gesture mode. He could only imagine what kind of reaction someone like Dale would have if he found out one of his buddies was gay, and grudgingly agreed that he could understand why Danny kept it a secret. It didn't excuse him from keeping it secret from _Steve_.

"Do you two need couples counseling?" Steph asked with a grin.

"You offering to mediate?"

"Hell no. No offense, Steve, but I've been friends with Danny a long time. I kind of have to side with him unless he's being a huge asshole, but since I don't know what's going on…"

"Nothing," Steve repeated, and finished his lunch in silence.

*o*o*o*

"This is stupid." Danny let himself into the house and sat down next to Steve on the couch. The TV was on, Steve sprawled out with his feet on the coffee table watching _Ren & Stimpy_. He wasn't surprised that Danny caved first and was grateful for it, though he did his best not to let it show.

"I don't remember inviting you over."

"Look, McGarrett, if you have a problem with me just say so. You don't have to be a dick about it."

Steve grabbed the remote and muted the TV. He knew he was probably only going to get one chance to smooth things over and he didn't want to screw it up. "I don't have a problem with you…liking guys. Okay? It just…uh…took me by surprise."

Danny leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "Did you…I mean, I hope you didn't…tell anyone."

"I wouldn't do that!"

"Well how am I supposed to know?"

Steve looked away, hurt and feeling stupid about it. He'd only known Danny for four months, after all. "I don't care who you kiss." And boy, did _that_ feel like a lie!

"Oh, really? Well you could've fooled me."

"It's not the kissing!" Steve snapped. "You didn't _tell_ me. You kept it a secret, even though you make me tell all of mine. It's not fair."

He felt ridiculous as soon as he said it. It's not _fair_? What was this, Kindergarten and they were fighting over who got to play with the blocks? He cast a sideways glance at Danny and saw that he'd deflated, head down and shoulders sagging.

"You're right. I'm sorry."

There was no good reason for Steve to feel guilty, but he did anyway. He nudged Danny's leg with his foot. "Hey. I'm sorry too."

"Yeah." Danny leaned back, his gaze fixed firmly on the ceiling. "His name's Dave. His grandma lives two houses down from me and he comes to visit a couple times a year. Safer than trying to hook up with someone at school."

Steve could understand that. He found it wasn't any better knowing the guy's name, though; he had to force himself not to grimace just thinking it. "Did you always know? I mean…you know."

Danny chuckled. "Yes, Mr. Coherent, I know what you mean. And no, I didn't always know. I was supposed to like girls, so I tried to. I just…like guys more. Only one I ever told was my brother, and he was pretty cool about it. Not sure my dad would be."

"At least now I understand why you chased after _me_ so hard." Steve ducked, laughing, when Danny threw an accent pillow at his head.

"In your dreams, McGarrett."

*o*o*o*

Steve was glad that things between him and Danny were getting back to normal. Well, almost normal because in his own head Steve couldn't let it go. The image of Danny kissing another guy – _Dave_, he always thought sourly – just wouldn't leave him no matter what he did. In the safety of his room, at night when his embarrassed blushing wouldn't give him away, he'd wonder what it was like to make out with a guy. Did kissing feel the same? Was it weird if there weren't boobs?

Steve was no prude, though he _was_ still a virgin. He'd never had a steady girlfriend back home, just girls he'd hang out with. He'd done plenty of kissing, and had gotten almost to third base with Susie Makala. He tried to think about that, but things would come around to Danny and _Dave_ and he'd be right back where he started.

"Do you think I should have a girlfriend?" he asked Danny one day. They were in Danny's room, studying for a history exam. Not that Steve was able to concentrate.

"What?" Danny spun around in his desk chair, bringing his textbook along for the ride.

"Just…dating is normal. Right? I mean, girls like me."

"Yeah, they do," he replied cautiously. "Why? Is there someone _you_ like?"

Steve shrugged. "No?"

"Then why are we having this conversation? It's stupid to date someone just so you can say you're dating someone."

"I guess."

Danny grinned. "Although I do commend you for the attempt at normal."

"Shut up!" Steve threw his pen, which bounced harmlessly off of the textbook.

"I mean, when would you have the time for a girlfriend anyway? You'd have to fit her in between swimming and brooding and hiding in my room."

"You should really take that on the road," Steve said with a frown. "You'd kill in Akron."

Danny sighed. "What's this all about, Steve? Are you worried you're gonna turn gay if you hang around with me?"

"What? No!"

"Then why the sudden need for dating?"

Steve tossed his textbook on the floor and rolled over on the bed to lay on his back. "I don't know. Maybe it's just…you know, Steph has Joe…"

"…mostly."

"And you have your…thing…"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Danny held up a hand, flapping it back and forth. "Stop right there. My _thing_? I assume you're talking about Dave. And don't think I don't notice how you make a face whenever I say his name."

"No I don't," Steve scowled.

"And it's not a thing. There's no _thing_. It's a twice a year booty call without the actual booty call, okay? We're not dating or anything."

Steve wanted to say something funny about Danny protesting too much, but it didn't feel all that funny. The silence spun out between them, not quite comfortable, until Danny sighed again and turned back around to the desk. It was annoying, that things between them were still not right, and Steve knew it was his fault; he was the one having issues and making things weird.

He started reaching for his book when Mr. Williams called down from the top of the stairs. The man had a deep, booming voice that always startled Steve.

"You boys coming up?"

"We're studying, Pop!" Danny shouted back. "History test tomorrow!"

"Bring it with you, you can study during commercials!"

"What's he talking about?" Steve asked.

"WWF has a new show on tonight." Danny turned away from the desk. "He's really into that stuff."

"Professional wrestling? But it's all fake, isn't it?"

"Come on, you don't want to miss the premier!" Mr. Williams persisted. "Undertaker's going up against Demento!"

Danny rolled his eyes. "Yeah, you might not want to mention the fakeness in front of Pop. He takes it kind of serious."

"Your mom made bean dip!" Mr. Williams called down.

"Okay, we're coming! Jeez!"

"What about the test?" Steve asked, though he wasn't really all that concerned; history wasn't one of the subjects he was having trouble in.

"There's lots of talking and interviews and shit between matches, we'll get it done." Danny gathered up his book and his notes and headed up the stairs. "Besides, this is live instead of taped so it'll be cooler."

"You like it too, don't you?" Steve shook his head. "I suppose you watch roller derby."

"Hey, my mom happens to _like_ roller derby."

"Mainlanders," Steve muttered under his breath.

Danny turned around at the top of the stairs and gave him a dark look. "Like you have better sporting events to watch in Hawaii? I suppose you get season tickets to flamey stick twirling or something?"

"Polynesian fire dancing is an ancient and complex exhibition," Steve replied defensively. "It's a lot harder than wrestling."

"I'm sorry…_fire dancing_? It's not hard, it's stupid. Who dances with fire? Does everyone in Hawaii have some sort of death wish?" Danny's eyes widened. "Oh, God. Don't tell me. You know how to do it, don't you? You dance around with flaming sticks of death. For _fun_!"

Steve fought to keep down the grin at Danny's incredulous tone. "I only set myself on fire that one time."

"You're insane. I don't know why I even hang out with you."

"Because your life would be drab and dull without me."

"Yeah," Danny snorted. "That's it."

Steve followed him into the living room, where Mr. Williams was already camped out on the big sectional sofa. The coffee table was loaded up with the aforementioned bean dip, tortilla chips, pretzels and soda.

"This is gonna be great, boys!"

"You think Undertaker will win, Pop?" Danny settled in on the sofa next to his dad, book on his lap.

"I'd bet money on it. If I was a bettin' man."

Steve sat on the floor, his back to the bend in the sofa. He opened up his textbook and stared blindly at the chapter on the second world war, not really seeing any of the words. Behind him Danny and his dad bantered, tossing out increasingly ridiculous wrestler names and making predictions on matches, and all he could think about was doing the same during football games with his dad. Sometimes he wondered why he spent so much time at Danny's house, since it only served to remind him of what he didn't have, and probably wouldn't have again.

Mr. Williams clapped one big hand on Steve's shoulder. "You watch any wrestling, son?"

"No, sir."

"Well you're in for a treat! Don't worry, I'll explain everything you need to know." He passed over a can of Pepsi. "Wait'll you see The Heartbreak Kid. He's got some sweet moves. You should've seen him at Wrestlemania last year, he was an animal."

The history test was quickly forgotten once the matches started. In between shouting at the television and trading stats, Danny and Mr. Williams filled Steve in on backstories and grudges and the names of all the finishing moves. When Danny dropped him off home afterwards, Steve thought maybe it wasn't such a difficult question after all; he spent so much time with the Williams' because they so easily included him and made him feel like a member of the family. And maybe it wasn't about what he lost so much as what he'd gained.

* * *

_**AN:**__ Super angst! And Danny's big gay reveal. LOL! I'm sure Steve will eventually work through his issues. Luckily the friendship survives. And yeah, totally had to include the first broadcast of WWF (now WWE) Raw. I like professional wrestling and I'm not ashamed to admit it. ::grins:: Coming up…some unpleasant current events and a concert. Stay tuned!_


	6. February 1993

**February 1993**

The only thing anyone wanted to talk about at school was the upcoming Valentine's Dance on Saturday, which was technically the day before the actual day, and it was making Steve twitchy. It had never been one of his favorite holidays, since he figured it was probably made up _by_ women _for_ women, with all the hearts and chocolates and doilies. Plus, he'd noticed that single girls went nuts as the day got closer, like if they didn't have someone to be with on that one day they were failures for the other 364 days of the year. It was bizarre.

The problem was compounded by the fact that he was having those same feelings this year. He still couldn't help thinking he should have a girlfriend, or at least be playing the field. Steve knew for a fact that Danny had received a few offers but had turned them all down.

"There's too much pressure when you take a girl out on Valentine's Day," he'd explained patiently. "It comes with all these expectations and I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea."

Which was all well and good for Danny, particularly given his gender preferences, but Steve wouldn't have minded getting some attention. It wasn't like he was a leper or anything, and he knew girls thought he was cute or hot or whatever, but not a single one of them approached him all giggly and asking if he had a date. His own circle of friends was exceedingly small, and he didn't have the first clue who to ask about going with him.

"You worked too hard at being unapproachable," Steph whispered. She and Steve were sitting in the auditorium, listening to a very dry DARE presentation with the rest of the school. Danny had been lucky enough to get the flu, and was probably comfortably tucked into his bed and playing Madden Football.

"So how do I fix it?" Steve whispered back.

"You can start by not making that sour lemon face whenever girls try to talk to you."

"I don't do that!"

"Yes. You do." Steph slapped his arm. "I know you can smile, I've seen it. Try that instead and maybe you won't scare them away."

Steve sighed. "Well, do you think it'll work in time for the dance?"

"Maybe, if I put out the word you're available and looking. What level of desperate are you shooting for?"

"What?"

"Look, this close to V-Day, your choices are limited. There'll be lots of angry girls who say they hate it but secretly wish someone would ask them out; they'll pretend they don't care the whole night. Then there'll be the really desperate girls who'll gush all over you and then stalk you for months after if you don't decide to date them."

"Jeez." Steve slouched down in his seat while the rep from Trenton PD ran through a laundry list of drugs available locally and all the ways they could fry a person's brain. "Isn't there some middle ground? A girl that just wants to go to the dance and that's it? No stalking or gushing?"

"I'll see what I can do but don't get your hopes up." Steph fished a pack of Juicy Fruit out of her pants pocket and handed Steve a stick. "Can I ask why the sudden interest in school dances? You haven't been to any of the other ones."

He shrugged. "Just broadening my high school experience, I guess."

"Yeah, right. Well, I can't promise you a John Hughes ending, but if you're really serious…"

"I am." He wasn't. But Steve felt like he should be and figured that was close enough.

"Okay then. Just leave it to the love doctor." Steph flashed him a big grin, which just made him hang his head.

"I'm doomed."

Two hours later Steve was at his locker, loading up his backpack for an exciting night of algebra homework and an English essay. He had Danny's assignments in there too, which he'd be delivering on his way home. The hall was a seething mass of students talking, slamming locker doors, and sharing their relief at another school day being done.

"Hey, Steve."

He turned to find a girl from his History class standing expectantly next to him. Her name was Sue…no, Sharon. Sharon Szmilski. He didn't know much about her, besides that she was really quiet in class and she dressed very conservatively compared to the other Jersey girls at school – always pants or long dresses, and no teased-up hair.

"Hey. Uh…what's up?" Heeding Steph's warning, he tried to make sure he was smiling and not grimacing. He felt like an idiot.

"I heard you might not have a date for the dance on Saturday?"

It was more question than statement, and Steve gave her a quick once-over as he closed his locker. Sharon was cute, petite and blonde though not especially curvy; Steph must've sent her as a worthy prospect, which hopefully meant she was neither angry nor especially inclined to be clingy.

"Yeah. You…uh…you want to go with me?"

"Sure! I mean, that would be nice. If you want to." She shrugged, like it didn't matter much either way, but she had a big smile on her face.

Steve nodded, trying to figure out what was supposed to happen next. He made a mental note to ask Aunt Leigh if he could borrow her car. "So…I'll pick you up?"

"Sure." Sharon rattled off her address. "Seven o'clock okay?"

"Yeah. Yes. Absolutely."

"See you Saturday." She gave him a little wave and then she was swallowed up by the mob that was headed for the door. Steve banged his head on his locker. God, he sucked at this!

"That was smooth," Steph remarked, popping up out of nowhere. "You really swept her off her feet there."

"Shut up," Steve muttered.

"Hey, you wanted a date and now you have one. Sharon's real nice. Kind of churchy, though, so I wouldn't try any of your suave moves on her." Steph leaned against the lockers, arms crossed in front of her chest. "Just be nice and show her a good time, okay? Her parents don't usually let her date but they're taking pity on her lack of a social life."

"I promise not to traumatize her," Steve replied dryly. He had to admit, though, that it helped to know that Sharon wouldn't be pushing for anything. She was probably too shy to even slow dance close.

"Also, make sure you get her a corsage. I'd go wrist. Something Valentiney."

"Yes, boss."

"I'll save you seats at my table. Assuming Joe picks me up on time." Steph patted his arm. "You're gonna have a great time!"

Steve slung his backpack over his shoulder. "Well, how bad could it be? Right?"

*o*o*o*

"What happened to _you_?" Danny stood aside and let Steve into the kitchen. It was just after midnight and officially Valentine's Day, and Steve felt like he'd been run over by a truck. The tie Danny had loaned him for the dance was long gone, probably never to be seen again, and the carefully pressed outfit he'd started the night out in was rumpled and stained.

Steve just shook his head, and headed for the sofa. He didn't so much sit on it as collapse, sprawling out like he'd gone boneless. He wasn't quite drunk, but had a pretty good buzz going, and he was just happy the date was over. Danny sat next to him, box of tissues tucked under one arm.

"Dare I ask how things went? You look wrecked, my friend."

"I'm not letting Steph fix me up. Ever. Again."

"That bad? Let me guess. Quiet little Sharon didn't even want to dance. You must've got your groove on with someone, though, unless you got mugged in the parking lot." Danny grinned. "Come on, you can tell me. Spill."

Steve snorted. "Quiet little Sharon? We were there for like five minutes and she had her tongue in my ear."

"Are you kidding me? No way!"

"Yes way. That girl must be repressed or something, 'cause she was all over me. All night. In public."

Danny laughed, which turned into coughing; Steve pounded him on the back.

"I'm serious, man, it was terrible. Plus, I'm pretty sure she spiked my punch."

"We're talking about Sharon Szmilski, right? Never-says-boo Sharon?"

"Oh, trust me. She says more than boo. I've heard less dirty talk in a porno." Just remembering made Steve blush, and he planned yet another way to get his revenge on Steph, who had laughed at him all night.

"Only you, McGarrett." Danny had another coughing fit but waved Steve off with one flapping hand. "Did you escape with your virtue intact?"

"Barely." Steve ran a hand over his face. "It was kind of terrifying. I did the gentlemanly thing and opened the car door for her when we left the dance. By the time I got around to my side she had her dress all the way off."

Danny's eyebrows shot up. "Holy crap."

"You're not kidding." He'd never forget the sight of her, kneeling on the passenger seat with her pretty green dress around her ankles; all she had on underneath was a black lace push-up bra and what he was pretty sure were thong panties.

"Jesus. And you didn't…I mean, she was all…what did you _do_?"

Steve smirked at Danny's incoherence. "I took her home. I'm sure my prudishness will be spread all over school by Monday."

"Well, it's probably for the best. I mean, you could've slept with her but then she'd be all over you all the time. You've probably avoided being stalked by a closet nympho."

"Yeah, it's great. Instead of just being weird, now I'll be the weird virgin."

It was Danny's turn to blush, though he tried to cover it with more nose blowing. "Nothing wrong with that."

"Are _you_?" Steve challenged, then immediately regretted it. It was bad enough having that image of Danny and _Dave_ kissing following him around all the time, but imagining…_more_…would probably push him over the edge.

"Hell no. And I'm not talking about it."

"Well, that's fine because I _really_ don't want to know. Really."

There was an awkward silence, and then Steve remembered the reason he'd stopped by at such a late hour. He reached into his blazer pocket and pulled out a slightly crumpled envelope, which he tossed to Danny.

"Here."

"What is it?" Danny picked the envelope up by the corner as if it might be contaminated.

"Think of it as a belated Christmas present. And…an apology. For being weird. Before." He looked down at his hands.

"This better be retroactively awesome, then, because you've been weird since the day I met you." Danny opened the envelope and pulled out the contents, sucking in a surprised breath. "Oh, wow. Wow! Damn, Steve, this is awesome!"

Steve looked up, pleased when he saw the honest delight on Danny's face. It was totally worth the price he'd paid. He didn't say that the gift was also a thank you to his friend for being so understanding of him over the last few months. He was more grateful than he could say for everything Danny had done for him.

"I can't believe it! Bon Jovi tickets!" Danny waved them enthusiastically in one hand. "You're gonna love them, I hear they put on a hell of a show."

"You want me to come?" Steve asked, surprised.

"Of course, you goof. I mean, it's no Don Ho, but I promise you'll have a great time. Plus, these are Jersey boys. That makes a difference."

"Don Ho? Really?"

Danny gave him an odd look. "Thanks, Steve. Seriously."

Steve ducked his head again, embarrassed. "Yeah. Well. You're welcome."

"How soon you have to go home? 'Cause I got some chocolate I wouldn't be opposed to sharing."

"I could be swayed." Steve gave Danny a quick grin, then followed him down to the basement. And tried hard not to think about how he'd had a chance at a half-naked girl but somehow ended up here instead, giving Danny a present on Valentine's Day.

*o*o*o*

Steve never thought he'd enjoy a Bon Jovi concert – his musical tastes ran a bit more easy listening – but maybe it was the company. Danny was on his feet for the whole show, dancing and singing along; Steve spent more time watching him than the band, unable to keep the grin off his face.

The loud music and screaming crowd precluded any kind of conversation, but that was fine with Steve. He had a lot on his mind, not the least of which was why he'd missed his chance with Sharon the night of the dance. Sure, he'd been wanting something normal and Sharon skewed a bit more freaky, but he was starting to doubt himself. What if there was something _wrong_ with him?

_When you need  
(That's what you get for falling in love)  
Then you bleed  
(You get a little but it's never enough)  
On your knees  
(That's what you get for falling in love)  
Now this boy's addicted because your kiss is the drug!_

_Your love is like bad medicine_  
_Bad medicine is what I need_  
_Shake it up, just like bad medicine_  
_So let's play doctor, baby_  
_Cure my disease_

Danny hooked an arm around Steve's neck, forcing him to sway along. He looked like he was really belting out the words but his voice was swallowed up by the crowd and the band. He was wearing a Keep the Faith tour t-shirt over his long-sleeved Henley and Steve thought he'd never seen his friend so happy; it made something tighten in his chest.

"I'm having a good time!" he shouted, knowing Danny wouldn't hear him. Even so, the arm around his neck tightened briefly before letting go.

Though he'd had his doubts, this had totally been worth the hour and a half drive, during which he was subjected to a lengthy diatribe on exactly what made Bon Jovi such a great band, how they got started, and what Danny thought some of their best work was. One thing was inescapably clear – when Danny had an interest in something, he embraced it one hundred percent.

Before Steve knew it the band was on the encore and he swore there were actual tears in Danny's eyes as he sang along.

_Sometimes I sleep, sometimes it's not for days  
The people I meet always go their separate ways  
Sometimes you tell the day by the bottle that you drink  
The times when you're all alone all you do is think_

_I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride_  
_I'm wanted (wanted) dead or alive_  
_Wanted (wanted) dead or alive_

The arena thundered with applause as the last notes of the song played, and Danny wiped unobtrusively at his face; Steve pretended not to notice. They grabbed their coats and joined the mob that moved slowly towards the exit. Steve's ears were ringing but he could finally hear Danny talking to him.

"Oh my God, that was so awesome! Did you see Sambora? He totally shredded! I wish I played guitar." He was talking too fast, and bouncing with excitement. "That's how we rock, Jersey style! Seriously, this was like the best gift ever!"

"Retroactively awesome?" Steve teased.

"Awesome enough to drive to East Rutherford." Danny turned and gave him another inscrutable look before busting out a huge grin and giving Steve a hearty one-armed hug. ""Best friend of all time awesome."

That tight feeling was back in Steve's chest, and he thought maybe he was a little normal after all if someone like Danny Williams was his friend.

*o*o*o*

The news spread quickly through school that Friday, until students and teachers alike were crowded around every available television and radio in the building. There was an explosion at the World Trade Center and people were dead, no-one knew how many yet or what the extent of the damage was.

"My aunt works there," Danny said softly.

Steve looked at him in alarm. "Which tower?"

"South I think."

Not that it made much difference. The reports said the explosion originated in the North Tower, but both buildings were affected. Power was out, which meant people were stranded in elevators and offices. The news helicopters showed an aerial view of chaos – fire trucks, rescue vehicles, clouds of thick smoke, people running.

"Do you think it was terrorists?" someone asked.

"The earlier report said it was a blown transformer," Mr. Hough, the history teacher, replied.

Ten minutes before the buses were scheduled to leave the news changed; it wasn't a transformer, it was a bomb. Someone had put a bomb in the North Tower. Steve couldn't believe it; who would do that? They said on the news that there was a daycare on the premises and kindergarteners visiting on a school trip. You had to be pretty low to try and blow up little kids.

"You want me to come home with you?"

"No. My mom's gonna be a wreck if she hasn't heard from Aunt Maggie." Danny gave his shoulder a squeeze. "Thanks, though."

"Oh. Okay." Steve knew it would be stupid to throw himself in the middle of someone else's family trauma, but he remembered what it was like to go it alone, to be the strong one while everyone else fell apart. "Call me, okay? When you hear."

"Sure."

They parted ways in the parking lot, Danny to go home and Steve to catch a ride with Caroline Campenelli to the YMCA; she was his usual Friday lift, since she went down there for bi-weekly aerobics class. During the drive Caroline rambled on and on about the bombing – who might have done it and why, how Manhattan got scarier and scarier every day. Steve barely listened, worrying over whether or not Danny's family was going to get bad news.

For the whole hour that he swam, sticking to the lanes and avoiding the senior citizen exercise group and the after school kids just messing around, he remembered what it was like getting death news. How it was to have a perfectly normal day suddenly turned on its side, and it didn't seem fair that Danny would have to have that all over again after losing his brother.

Suddenly too agitated for even the repetitive nature of swimming to calm him like it usually did, Steve got out of the pool and hastily toweled off. He decided not to wait for Caroline and just walk back home; he wanted to check on Danny. It was really cold out but he bundled up, yanking his knit cap as far over his ears as it would go. There was no love lost between him and winter, and spring couldn't come fast enough for his taste.

Walking to Danny's seemed to take forever, longer than it normally would because the temperature was in the teens and every exposed piece of flesh was painfully cold. As he walked, Steve considered the different scenarios he might encounter. One, Danny's aunt called and everything was fine. Two, someone else called to let them know that she died in the explosion. Three, they'd still be waiting to hear anything at all. He hoped for the first one, but thought the last was more realistic.

It took him almost forty-five minutes to get to Danny's, and by then most of him had gone numb and he'd chastised himself countless times for being so impulsive. Even more so when he got to the Williams house and found it seemingly empty – no raised voices, no clattering of pans. It didn't bode well. Still, he knocked on the kitchen door and waited, shifting from foot to foot in a vain attempt to warm up. He was surprised when Danny opened the door.

"Steve? What are you…Jesus, you look like a popsicle. Get in here!"

He was roughly manhandled into the blessedly warm kitchen and shoved into a chair at the table. He was so cold the warm air actually hurt a little, but he was still grateful to be out of the wind.

"Did you even bother to dry off before you came over? I can still smell the pool all over you." Danny put a teapot on the stove. "I'm gonna make you some tea. Why didn't you call me? I'd have picked you up if you didn't have a ride."

"Where is everyone?" Steve asked, ignoring the babbling. He hadn't walked all that way for tea. "Did you hear about your aunt?"

"Everyone's at church, lighting candles, and then they'll hopefully be back with some takeout for dinner, because I'm starving. Aunt Maggie's in the hospital, but she's gonna be fine. Just some smoke inhalation, really, but she's got a history of asthma so they're keeping her just to be safe." The relief in his voice was palpable and Steve felt it too. He was glad for Danny, glad he got the happy ending this time.

"That's good news. I'm glad she's okay."

"Yeah, well, I'm more worried about you." Danny stood there with his hands on his hips, scowling down at Steve in a way that just made him want to smile. "You mark my words, you're gonna get sick running around with wet hair in the middle of winter."

"Yes, mother," Steve sighed, and tossed in an eye roll for good measure. That set Danny off into a long-winded recitation of every death's-door illness he or anyone in his family had _ever had_, while at the same time prepping the tea.

"I'm pretty sure I'm not going to get shingles," Steve interjected when Danny took a moment to breathe.

"Shut up and drink your tea." The teapot hadn't even had the chance to whistle but the tea was nice and hot, warming Steve up from the inside. "You wanna play Legend of Zelda? Mom'll bring enough food back for you to stay for dinner."

"If you're sure no-one will mind," Steve replied. He really didn't want to have to go back outside, at least not until his face thawed.

"You know they love you," Danny said with a dismissive hand-wave. "Come on. You can bring the tea. Oh, call your aunt first."

Steve made the call and let Danny get him all set up on the bed, comforter around his shoulders. He'd never admit it out loud but he kind of liked being mother-henned; it was nice to be taken care of. Even if Danny did slaughter him in Zelda.

* * *

_**AN:**__ Steve's foray into the world of dating didn't go so well. Will he keep trying? When I was looking for a concert for the boys to attend, I couldn't believe my good fortune – Bon Jovi in New Jersey for his Keep the Faith tour! It was meant to be. _

_While there were a lot of different current events I could've included, the first World Trade Center bombing seemed like it would have the most personal impact. Particularly since I stuck one of Danny relatives in there. I don't remember much about that actual day myself – I was in college at the time and was probably too busy dealing with the day to day angst that was life there. I certainly don't recall how people reacted or how quickly the news spread the word that it was a bomb and not just a chance explosion. All inaccuracies are mine._


	7. March 1993

**March 1993**

Danny's prediction came true – Steve came down with a bad cold two days after he'd walked home after swimming. He was honestly surprised that it had taken as long as it did to finally get sick, since he wasn't used to the colder temperatures. The cold itself was bad enough, but it lingered and lingered until Aunt Leigh took him to the doctor and they diagnosed him with pneumonia.

Which was how he found himself in the hospital, hooked up to an IV because he was dehydrated and needed antibiotics. Aunt Leigh had spent as much time with him as she could, but it didn't matter much because Steve was so tired all he did was sleep. He was dozing when Danny stopped by; he woke with a start to find his friend hovering uncertainly in the doorway.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to wake you up."

"S'okay." Steve pressed the button to raise the back of the bed and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. He waited patiently for Danny to decide whether or not he was coming in; when he finally did a helium _Get Well Soon_ balloon came in with him, bumping along the ceiling.

"You look like crap." Danny released the balloon and sat down next to the bed. "Missed you at school."

"Can't say I miss being there." Steve grabbed the cup of water that sat on the tray on the other side of his bed. "Sure like to be out of here, though."

"You get out tomorrow, right?"

"Yeah. Be out of school a few more days."

"Lucky you," Danny replied, then looked immediately contrite. "Sorry."

Steve waved away his apology. "I miss anything important?"

"No. Well, baseball tryouts are coming up." Danny perked up at that. "I was on the team last year, so I'm pretty much guaranteed a spot; tryouts are really just a formality. Do you play?"

"No. I did football and paddling."

"I'm sorry, what? _Paddling?_ What the hell is paddling?"

"You know. Canoe paddling. Six person teams? I'm really good at it." Steve had always thought that skimming through the water in a six man outrigger was the next best thing to swimming. Last year he'd been the steersman on the junior varsity team and had hoped to earn the same position this year on varsity; it had looked good since his team had won all but two races that year.

"Just when you start acting normal," Danny said with mock sadness. "So sad."

"Funny." Steve tried for sarcasm, but truthfully he was happy to see Danny; he was bored out of his mind. "So what position do you play? No, wait, let me guess. Shortstop."

Danny scowled, which only made Steve hoot with laughter. "Go ahead and make your jokes, asshole. Next to pitcher, it's the best position to have on the field and I'm _really_ good."

"Maybe I'll come down to tryouts and watch," Steve said, trying to rein in his humor. "See just how good you are."

To his surprise, Danny blushed and dropped his gaze. "Well…if you want to."

"Uh…okay. What day is it?"

"Monday, right after school. Means I won't be able to work that shift at the bakery until after the season's over." Danny leaned back in the chair and propped a foot up on Steve's bed, and whatever that awkward little moment had been it was over.

"So aside from your star playmanship, do we have a good team?" Steve asked, already feeling drowsy enough to fall back asleep.

"Of course we do, though without me they'd suck for sure." Danny grinned. "Maybe I'll be a Yankee."

"I don't know, man," Steve teased. "Tossing balls or shooting bad guys…tough call."

They both laughed at that. Steve knew perfectly well that Danny wanted to be a cop, and he'd probably be a good one.

"I'll be a gun-toting Yankee, split the difference," Danny said, miming pulling a gun off his hip and sighting down it at Steve. "Pretty sure I wouldn't be the first one."

He launched into a history of the New York Yankees, starting with the Steinbrenner years, and by the time he'd gotten to the death of Thurman Munson Steve had dropped back off to sleep. When he woke up several hours later Danny was gone and his _Get Well Soon_ balloon was tied to the end of his bed.

*o*o*o*

Steve never watched the Weather Channel. Living in Hawaii, there generally wasn't a need to know what the weather was going to be, because it was almost always the same day after day – sunny, with intermittent showers. Now, though, he found it almost impossible _not_ to watch.

They were calling it a super storm, and Uncle Tommy was calling it the storm of the century. The entire east coast was getting pummeled with rain and snow and ice. Even Florida had gotten snow, which was just crazy. It had just started snowing in Trenton and it was already a blizzard; when Steve looked out the front window he couldn't even see across the street.

Aunt Leigh had made a pre-emptive trip to the grocery store, stocking up on everything she could get her hands on. "You wouldn't believe the mob scene in there! Half the shelves are empty."

Now it was just a waiting game, and Steve wasn't great at waiting. He'd just gotten out of the hospital a few days ago and he'd been looking forward to going back to school on Monday; now it would probably be closed and there was no way his aunt would let him out into the storm when he was just starting to feel better.

By Sunday morning the storm had dumped about fourteen inches of snow, and several more inches of sleet were coming down on top of that, giving everything an icy sheen. School was officially closed, probably for a few days, and Steve was disappointed that baseball tryouts had to be postponed because he'd really been looking forward to seeing Danny in action.

Steve was curled up on the couch, wrapped up in one of Aunt Leigh's striped afghans, listlessly watching the reports come in. Some town in Pennsylvania was buried under forty-something inches of snow. It was hard to imagine that much snow all coming at once.

There was a knock on the front door and he reluctantly got off the couch to answer it. Uncle Tommy was out helping neighbors clear their walks and driveways, and Aunt Leigh was in the basement doing laundry. Steve had no idea who'd be dumb enough to be out and about in the bad weather, but in hindsight he should've guessed.

"Hey, McGarrett. Nice weather we're having." Danny pushed past him, his blue knit cap wet and covered in little beads of ice. And he wasn't alone; Steph and Joe came in right behind him looking even soggier. As if Steve needed another sign that the weather was bad, Joe had switched out his ubiquitous black leather jacket for a puffy ski parka in a searing shade of blue.

"Uh…hi?" He closed the front door, getting a face full of freezing rain thanks to the gusty winds.

"We've come to entertain you!" Steph said with a smile. She hung her coat up on one of the hooks by the door, uncovering a ridiculously oversized handbag. "We brought videos and brownies."

"Hey." Joe nodded at him and Steve nodded back. "Heard you were sick."

Steve shrugged. "Pneumonia."

"Sucks."

Danny rolled his eyes. "Before you two Neanderthals devolve into grunts, is there anything to eat?"

"I _just said_ I have brownies," Steph reminded him.

"Nuts?" Joe asked.

"Chocolate chips."

Danny shook his head. "No, I mean real food. Like, lunch food. I'm starving."

"Let me check with my aunt," Steve said. He caught her on her way back up from the basement.

"Steve. Did you strip your bed?"

"Yeah. Hey, listen. Some of my…uh…friends are here to hang out and watch movies. Do we have anything for lunch?"

Aunt Leigh's whole face lit up. "You have friends over? Who? Of course we have food, I stocked up before the storm. You go back to the living room and I'll make sandwiches for everyone."

Steve fought to keep a scowl off his face. She was acting like he never had friends over, when Danny was there all the time. "Just four of us, so don't go crazy."

Aunt Leigh trailed after him and peeked around the doorway between the kitchen and the living room. "Oh! Joe Perelli? I hope I have enough cold cuts."

While she started pulling out rolls and condiments Steve rejoined his friends. Steph was sitting in front of the television, four movies from Hollywood Video stacked up in front of her, and arguing with Danny and Joe about what to watch first. Steve sat next to her and looked through the offerings.

"Andrew Dice Clay?" he asked dubiously, holding up _The Adventures of Ford Fairlane_. Steph rolled her eyes.

"Joe likes that one. I personally think he's stupid."

"Who? Joe or the Diceman?" Danny asked.

"She wanted to rent _Thelma & Louise_," Joe replied and pretended to shoot himself.

"That's a good movie!" Steph protested.

"We should watch _Major League_ first," Danny said. "It's the best of the bunch."

Steph shook her head. "It's Steve's house, he gets to pick the first movie. I pick the second because Joe didn't let me have any chick flicks."

"Three guys, one girl. You do the math." Joe stretched out across half the couch, ignoring the finger that his girlfriend flipped in his direction.

"Can we watch _Die Hard_?" Steve asked. "I never got to see it when it came out."

Three pairs of eyes stared at him incredulously, and Danny clucked in disappointment. "You've led a deprived life, my friend."

Any comment Steve might've made in his own defense was interrupted by the arrival of Aunt Leigh with a platter full of sandwiches and a bowl of potato chips.

"Steve, there's sodas on the counter."

He pushed up from the floor and went to get them. There were two six-packs of Pepsi and he carried them both back to the living room. Joe was already halfway through a salami sandwich, and Steph had put the video in; the FBI warning was splashed across the TV screen. She plopped herself down in Joe's lap and helped herself to his food.

"Thanks, Mrs. McG," Danny said, passing around the sodas.

"You kids let me know if you need anything," Aunt Leigh replied, with a wink for Steve; he just stared at her like she'd lost her mind.

He grabbed his own sandwich and settled on the opposite side of the couch from Steph and Joe. Danny seemed content to sit on the floor, using the couch for a backrest. Steve nudged him in the shoulder with his knee.

"Pass the chips."

Danny swatted him on the leg, but passed the bowl. "Pay attention, McGarrett. This is good action movie stuff right here."

Steve liked to focus on whatever he was watching, to the exclusion of everything else, but that proved to be impossible. Steph, Joe and Danny kept interjecting comments, quoting lines along with the actors, and pointing out to him the things he needed to pay special attention to. Steph cheered loudly when Hans went over the roof, and as soon as the movie started to rewind there was a long commentary about the good parts, the bad parts, and how it was so much better than the sequel.

Danny dropped his head back and looked up at Steve. "It was good, right?"

Steve forgot whatever he was going to say as he stared stupidly down at Danny, and the curve of his neck. He let the silence go on too long, and was grateful when Joe stretched out one long leg and poked him in the ass with his toes.

"Yeah. It was good." Actually, he'd really liked the movie. John McLane hadn't had to step up and take on the bad guys, but he did because he was basically a good guy. Even if his life did kind of suck. Steve could relate to that.

Danny gave him an odd look but nodded. "Thought you'd like it. You seem like an action hero type of guy."

"Where's the brownies?" Joe asked. Steph levered herself out of his lap and went to grab the aluminum pan. They passed it around, getting crumbs on the couch and the floor, while Steph made the big decision for the next movie.

"Bill and Ted," she said. "If I can't have a chick flick, I can at least have Keanu."

Joe threw a wadded up napkin at her head, which she promptly caught and threw back. This turned into some sort of wrestling/tickling/kissing match between the two of them, Steve pulling up his legs to keep out of the danger zone.

"If you two want to make out, go home!" Danny shouted, whacking then with a couch pillow.

"You're just jealous cause you aren't gettin' any," Joe laughed.

"Neither are you, not on my aunt's couch." Steve aimed a kick that went a little awry and caught Joe high on the thigh. It worked, in that it grabbed his attention, but it wasn't the kind of attention that Steve was going for.

"Playing dirty, McGarrett?"

The next thing Steve knew he and Joe were rolling off the couch and onto the floor, knocking into Danny along the way. Joe outweighed him, and it was all solid muscle, but Steve was lean enough to wriggle out of most of the holds that Joe kept trying to lock him into.

"Get off him, you big lummox!" Danny looped an arm around Joe's neck. "He just got out of the hospital, dipshit!"

Joe stood up with Danny clinging to his back like a monkey, and tossed him off onto the couch like it was nothing. Steve lay on the floor on his back, trying to catch his breath. He'd been feeling fine but obviously Danny was right and it was too soon for roughhousing.

"You okay?" Steph gave him a hand up and shot her boyfriend a decidedly unfriendly look. Joe scowled.

"He nearly kicked me in the jewels."

"_Nearly_ isn't the same as _did_," she replied.

"I'm fine. Geez." Steve didn't want everyone making a big fuss over him. He forced his breathing to slow down and gratefully accepted the can of Pepsi that Danny handed him.

"You really okay?" Danny murmured, looking unduly concerned.

"I'm fine. Really." Steve gave him what he hoped was a reassuring grin. "So come on. Bill and Ted, right?"

This time Danny and Steve switched places, just in case Joe got rowdy again. Steve had Danny's leg pressed against his back for the entire movie and he tried not to think too hard about why it felt so nice.

*o*o*o*

Baseball tryouts were postponed for a full week, because the diamond had to be cleared off and the ground allowed to dry at least a little so that they weren't trying to run through mud. Steve headed out to the athletic field right after school let out, wearing a long-sleeved shirt under his Kukui High sweatshirt; it wasn't as cold as it had been right after the storm, but it hadn't warmed up all that much either.

There weren't many people on the bleachers so Steve didn't have any trouble finding Steph. He sat next to her and dropped his backpack on the ground at his feet; the metal bleacher was cold and he scooted closer to her to steal her body heat.

"Hey, Steve."

"Hey."

All the baseball hopefuls were already on the field, running sprints and being timed. Danny was pretty fast, legs churning as he ran up and back as instructed. He, and all the other guys, were wearing the black jerseys for the Central High Tornadoes; it looked surprisingly good on him.

Once the sprints were over the coaches began splitting all the hopefuls between batting and fielding. Dale, also trying out for the team, elbowed Danny in the side and pointed towards the bleachers.

"Hey, Williams. Your boyfriend came to watch." He said it loud enough for everyone to hear, and several of the other guys looked over and laughed. Steve scowled – he _really_ hated that guy – but Danny's response was surprising. He shoved Dale hard, knocking him on his ass.

"That guy is such a jerk," Steph muttered.

"So why does Danny hang around with him?"

She shrugged. "He likes to think the best of people. It's not always in his best interest, but hey…worked out good for you, right?"

Steve flushed. She was right, but it didn't make him feel any better about Dale. Who was now back on his feet and yelling in Danny's face. Before the coaches could intervene Dale threw a wild punch; Steve saw Danny go down and was on his feet in an instant, ready to rush to his friend's rescue.

"Hey, he's got this." Steph grabbed hold of his wrist and pulled him back. "Don't make it worse."

Danny was sprawled on the field, but he swept his leg and knocked Dale back down. The coaches finally arrived on the scene, pulling Danny and Dale up and marching them to the nearest dugout.

"Is he gonna get in trouble?" Steve would hate for Danny to get in trouble on his behalf. "Will they keep him off the team for this? He really wants to play."

Steph pushed him back down on the bleachers, lips twitching as she fought a smile. "Relax, Steve. He'll be fine. He's too good a player for the coaches to keep him off the team just for knocking Dale around."

Despite her reassurances, Steve didn't relax until Danny was back out on the field. Dale was back too, and he shot one angry glace in Steve's direction before getting back to tryouts.

"See? Told you."

"Yeah. Hey, uh…I'm gonna head home." Steve picked up his backpack and slung it over one shoulder. "See you tomorrow?"

"You okay, Steve?" Steph looked honestly concerned, but he just waved her off.

"This is kind of dull. Check you later." Steve sauntered off like nothing was wrong, but in reality he couldn't get out of there fast enough. He didn't want to distract Danny from tryouts or cause any more trouble for him. Even more, though, he was confused by Danny's reaction to Dale's stupid comment. It made him feel…weird. And not interesting-weird, but uncomfortable-weird.

He really, really hated Dale.

*o*o*o*

"So, you missed my awesomeness," Danny said. He'd tracked Steve down in the park, sitting on his usual table. He still had on the baseball uniform on, underneath his puffy vest, and his face was streaked with dirt; it didn't hide the bruise on his jaw where Dale had hit him.

"Yeah. Sorry about that." Steve slid over to make room. "How'd it go?"

"Short story? They recognized the greatness that is me, so I get to be shortstop again this year." Danny rubbed his knuckles on his chest and put on an exaggerated show of preening. "Because I _am_ that damn good."

Steve let out the breath he hadn't even realized he was holding. He was glad that Danny's tussle with Dale hadn't ruined his chances of making the team.

"Look, I don't want you to be weird about what Dale said, okay?" Danny bumped Steve with his shoulder. "He doesn't know about me, he was just teasing. And being a jerk."

"Yeah. I know."

"Oh. Well, I just thought…'cause you left. No-one thinks you're gay, I promise."

_No-one but me_, Steve thought wearily. Not that he was gay, practically speaking. But he had to acknowledge that he'd been having a lot of thoughts lately that weren't exactly straight, and he wasn't sure what that made him. Besides weird.

"It's fine, Danny. Really."

"Okay. Sure. Well…um…I need to go get cleaned up. You want any help with the math homework?"

It was on the tip of Steve's tongue to say yes, because any math help was good, but he thought maybe it wasn't a good idea. At least not today, when he had too much crap just tumbling around in his head. He needed to get himself sorted out before he did, or said, something stupid.

"No, I'm good. Thanks."

Danny just nodded, though he looked a little disappointed. "Okay. Well. See you in the morning?"

"Yup." Steve endured a calculating look, and then Danny slid off the table and walked away. Steve resolutely kept his eyes on his own feet, swinging back and forth, and wished his life could be just a little bit less complicated.

* * *

_**AN:**__ Sorry for the delay in getting this chapter out. For whatever reason, it was really resistant to being written. But I persevered in the end! LOL! _

_Getting closer and closer to the end of the school year! In April we'll see some big changes in Steve and Danny's friendship, so you'll want to stay tuned for that. _

_Again, I'm playing around with some historical events (can I call them historical if they were only in the 1990s?) and I know my timeline is probably a bit off. But it conveys the basic gist of things, and that's good enough for me. LOL! I personally remember the Blizzard of '93, and slogging through mountains of snow at college just to get to the dining hall because it was chicken tender night. I've always had very clear priorities. ::grins::_


	8. April 1993

**April 1993**

By some unfortunate confluence of events Steve found himself at the Elks Club after school on Friday, instead of being in the water at the YMCA, helping decorate for the prom on Saturday. He balanced precariously at the top of a ladder, hanging white twinkle lights between draped swaths of cheesecloth.

The school was abuzz with prom prep, had been for weeks. There were signs up everywhere, they'd had an assembly to announce the nominees for prom court, and girls had been gathered around magazines cooing over dresses and hair styles. Steve had decided not to go, though he'd had several offers from girls, or their intermediaries. He'd politely turned them all down; he still wasn't over the trauma of the Valentine's dance.

"Hey! Tall, dark and stupid!"

Steve sighed and looked down. Steph was sitting on the bottom rung of the ladder, leaning back and grinning up at him. He'd been pretty successfully avoiding her up till now because he didn't want to talk about, well…anything.

"Hey," he said, and turned his attention back to the lights. The prom theme was Moonlight Serenade, so there were white lights and tulle and cheesecloth everywhere, and a faux tree swing in front of a painted wooden moon where couples could have their pictures taken. None of it made Steve any more inclined to attend.

"Get down here," Steph demanded, and wiggled around to make the ladder shake. Steve immediately dropped the string of lights and clutched at the top of the ladder.

"Quit it!"

"Come down here, then."

"I'm busy."

There was more shaking and Steve was forced to climb down before Steph dumped him on his head. As soon as his feet hit the floor she slugged him in the arm.

"Ow! What's your problem?"

"What's _yours_?" Steph countered, arms crossed. "You've been avoiding me."

"Can we not do this now?" Steve felt like everyone was watching them, thanks to Steph's big mouth. She just rolled her eyes and dragged him out into the hall.

"Stop strong-arming me," Steve protested. "Jeez, you could try acting like a _girl_ once in a while."

"I'll start acting more like a girl when you stop acting like such a spaz."

Steve scowled and stared at his feet, hating how guilty he felt. He'd been slipping back into some old habits while he worked through things. He'd returned to eating out on the bleachers whenever it wasn't raining, and things had been tense and awkward between him and Danny ever since Dale's stupid comment at baseball tryouts.

Having…_feelings_ for your best friend was complicated enough, but when your best friend was also a guy who was known to consort with other guys the situation became fraught with potential disaster. Steve was having an especially hard time reconciling these feelings because he'd been pretty sure he was straight up till now, not that he'd ever given his sexual orientation much thought before.

"Look, Steve," Steph said, her tone less accusatory. "You're clearly going through a thing. I get that. But you have to stop pushing your friends away."

She didn't mention Danny specifically, but Steve could hear it anyway. He knew his friend was hurt by the way he'd been acting, knew he thought Steve was upset by what Dale had said. Probably Danny thought he was afraid people might think he was a fag. He knew he should talk to Danny but he didn't know what to say. He was so full of roiling emotions right now and he didn't have the first clue how to deal with it.

The bigger fear was that he would tell Danny he liked him – more than a friend – and Danny wouldn't feel the same way. It wasn't like he'd ever given any indication that he was interested in Steve that way, and to even bring it up just to be rejected would be horrible.

"I'm working on it, okay?" he mumbled. "I just need a little time."

"Let us help you." Before Steve could stop her, Steph pulled him into a hug. "That's what friends do."

He squirmed out of the hug and patted her awkwardly on the back. "Yeah, uh, thanks."

"You really are emotionally retarded, aren't you?" Steph grinned affectionately at him. "Some days you're more trouble than you're worth."

"Thanks for that."

"You need to start acting like a better friend. If you don't, the next person having a little talk with you will be Joe."

Steve heard the threat implicit in that statement and nodded dumbly.

"Good boy." Steph patted him on cheek. "You going to the Anti-Prom?"

"Yeah. I'll be there."

School chatter on the Anti-Prom was much less; apparently you had to know the right people to even get an invite and Steve somehow knew that person. He'd found the invite stuffed into his locker a week ago, and it was way fancier than anything he'd been expecting; thick paper with curly calligraphy writing on it.

_You're invited_

_To the Anti-Prom_

_April 24, 7pm_

_728 Tyler Street_

He hadn't had a clue what that even meant until one of the guys in his English class took pity on him and explained it. Every year there was a party for those who either didn't have a date for the prom or chose not to attend, and it wasn't just for any old loser either; attendees were hand picked by whoever was hosting that year. This year's party was being held at Tammi Kowalski's house and Steve had been intrigued enough to agree to attend. He knew that Steph and Joe were going because Joe had very dim views on prom, and had agreed to only go next year when they were Seniors.

"Have fun with decorating!" Steph waved her fingers at him as she headed out the door.

Steve watched her go and shook his head. He had no idea how this had become his life, and when he went back to finish hanging the lights he tried to think about the best way to talk to Danny.

*o*o*o*

Tammi lived in a large one-family house with the biggest yard Steve had yet seen in the 'Burg, which seemed to indicate that her family was well-off. By the time Steve got there the party was in full swing, the large living room full of people dancing to Janet Jackson. The kitchen was full of beverages – sodas, beer, even some hard liquor – and the dining room table was covered in finger foods like chicken wings and sliced Stromboli.

Steve had almost bailed on the Anti-Prom. He'd woken up that morning feeling out of sorts, on edge without knowing why. Aunt Leigh had finally gotten sick of his attitude and kicked him out of the house for a few hours, so he went swimming; for the first time ever it didn't help. In the end he'd decided that the party would be a good distraction. The alcohol was just a bonus.

He grabbed a can of beer out of one of the ice tubs and made the rounds, chatting with a few people along the way. There weren't many jocks in attendance, but then the pretty and popular people always seemed to go to the big events like prom. Still, Mark Peterson was holding court and he was the captain of the football team.

"Steve! You came!" Tammi suddenly appeared at his side. "I wasn't sure you would."

He just shrugged. "Nothing better to do."

"Well, make yourself at home. And have some fun!"

Steve nodded and finished his beer, then went in search of another one. In the corner of the living room a game of Asshole was underway, and he hovered around to watch that for a while. He'd never played, but he picked up the rules quick enough. The President had all the power, could make new rules and force anyone at the table to drink at any time. The Asshole was the one who seemed to get drunk the quickest. He didn't know how long they'd been playing, but the Asshole – a Sophomore he thought was named Glenn – was already swaying from side to side.

Some kind of techno song was pounding out of the speakers and Steve wandered down the hall to the den. There was a group of seven or so people in there watching the Mariners-Yankees game on the big screen TV. From all the cursing he could only draw the conclusion that the Yankees were losing; he wasn't interested enough to stick around and find out.

He went back to the living room and found the sliding glass doors that led outside. It was chilly, but there were a couple of space heaters doing their best to keep the patio at least semi-warm. There was a glass table with four metal chairs, and other lawn furniture scattered around. At a folding table just at the edge of the patio a group of people were playing beer pong.

"Hey, Steve! Wanna play a round?" One of the girls, Sherrie something, waved him over. "You ever play before?"

"Nope."

There was some good-natured smack talk as two new teams were assembled, Steve playing with Sherrie against two guys he didn't know. She handed him a ping pong ball.

"So, you have to get this ball in one of their cups on only one bounce. Easy peasy."

Steve chugged the rest of his beer and set it aside. "Easy peasy," he nodded. His first ball bounced straight up and rolled off the table when it came back down. His second almost stayed on the table but didn't come anywhere near the opposing team's cup.

"You suck at this," Sherrie said as they drank from the cups the other guys had sunk their balls into; thinking that made Steve chuckle.

They played until Steve's team had no cups left and he was feeling pleasantly buzzed. Sherrie mocked his lack of beer pong sportsmanship as he headed back into the house in search of something to drink. He knocked into someone on his way through the kitchen doorway and winced when he saw who it was.

"Oh, hey. Sharon."

"Steve." She frowned at him, but then looked thoughtful as she gave him a once over. "How's it going?"

He just shrugged, inching past her to get another can of beer out of the rapidly emptying bucket. "Surprised to see you here."

"My parents wouldn't let me go to prom," she said with a sigh. "They worry I'll lose my virginity."

Steve choked on his beer and wiped it off his chin. "Oh, uh…what?"

"They're overprotective." Sharon wrapped herself around his arm. "You know, I wish you'd called me after the Valentine dance. I thought we were having a good time."

"Yeah. I don't, uh…I don't really…date."

"I never said anything about dating."

Steve blamed too much beer on the fact that he let Sharon drag him into the living room just as _Angel Eyes_ came on. They danced a little awkwardly, since he still had a can in his hand, and Sharon pressed herself right up against him. She was wearing too much of something vanilla and musky; it was giving him a headache. Or maybe that was the beer. He wasn't so sure.

"You're so hot," Sharon whispered and then she was kissing him. She tasted like fruit punch and vodka, but Steve went with it. He'd been so wrapped up in the question of his sexuality that it seemed like a good way to test it out. He'd always like kissing in the past, kissing with girls, but in his head he saw Danny kissing with Dave, and then Danny kissing him that same way.

"I'm so fucked," he muttered, pulling back.

"That could be arranged." Sharon licked her lips and slid her hand down to squeeze Steve's ass.

"Sorry, but you're not my type."

"What?"

Steve extricated himself from Sharon's grasp. "Sorry."

"You really are an asshole." She smacked him on the chest and stormed off. Steve tried to feel guilty but he was too relieved to work up the effort.

He moved out of the main dancing area, until he was standing near the fireplace. It wasn't lit, but he found himself looking at the family photos ranged across the mantle. Tammi had two older brothers and there were lots of pictures of the three of them posing together, and a professional studio photo of the whole family.

Steve's gaze lingered on Mrs. Kowalski, the way her hand rested on Tammi's shoulder, and all of a sudden it was like he couldn't breathe. He remembered that feeling, his mother's warm, firm hand squeezing his shoulder as she passed behind him while he did his homework. Just a casual touch, one of a thousand things he'd taken for granted when his mom was still alive. His chest tightened, his skin flushed hot, and he fled.

The next thing he knew he was on his way up the stairs, bottle of Jim Beam clutched in his hand. There was a couple sitting on the landing, making out in a noisily obnoxious way, and it took him a minute to recognize Steph and Joe. He tried to get around them, heart hammering in his chest, but Steph snaked out a hand and wrapped it around his ankle.

"Hey, you okay?" she asked, a little breathless and flushed.

"Fine," he replied tersely. "I'm fine."

He shook his leg free and kept going until he found an empty bedroom. He closed the door, shut the light, and slid down the wall until he was sitting there with the bottle between his legs.

How could he have forgotten? He was making out with Sharon and playing _beer pong_, for God's sake. Like the day meant nothing. He hastily unscrewed the cap on the Jim Beam and took a drink that burned his throat all the way down, matching the burn behind his eyes.

The noise from downstairs was muffled, though he could hear the steady bass of whatever new song was playing. Steve took another pull from the bottle, waiting impatiently for everything to just get numb. There was a tentative knock on the door and he thumped his head back against the wall.

"Go away, Steph" he muttered.

The door opened, letting in a sliver of light from the hallway and Danny. He closed the door behind him and sat next to Steve without turning the light on; there was enough ambient light coming in from the street that he could see Danny but not make out his exact facial expression.

"What's up, McGarrett?"

"Nothing." He took another drink and then Danny reached over and pulled the bottle out of his hands.

"The hard stuff, huh? How much have you had?"

"What are you, the alcohol police?" Steve tried to grab it back but Danny held it out of his reach and honestly he just didn't feel like putting in that much effort for it.

"What's going on with you, Steve? You've been acting weird for weeks." Danny fumbled around until he found the bottle cap, and sealed the Jim Beam up. "Is it your dad?"

"No offense, but I don't feel like talking right now."

"Then let me take you home. You can't drive." Danny's tone was sympathetic and understanding, and for some reason it infuriated Steve.

"Why the hell can't you leave me alone?" he snapped. He lurched to his feet, his head spinning a little, and stumbled forward towards the bed, sitting down heavily on it. "I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to talk to _anyone_!"

"Then why the hell did you drag your sorry ass to this party?" Danny sounded angry and he'd started with the big hand gestures.

"I don't know! _Fuck!_ This day's been wrong from the start, and I didn't even know why. I didn't _remember_, and you know what that makes me? A shitty son." Steve flopped on his back and threw his arm over his eyes. There was more he could've said, he could feel the words jamming up in his throat, but as always Danny knew.

"Your mom died today," he guessed, voice hushed. "Shit."

Steve's breath hitched when he heard the words, but he refused to let it turn into more. He'd already cried once in front of Danny, he didn't need to do it again; it didn't stop tears from sliding down his face.

"It shouldn't be this bad," he said, words thick with emotion. "It's been a year, shouldn't it be better?"

"Ask me that on July ninth."

Steve frowned. "What?"

"Matty died on July ninth. It'll be four years this year and you know how I'm gonna spend that day? Looking after my little sisters because my mom won't be able to get out of bed, and my pops will make sure he's working overtime at the firehouse so he doesn't have to come home. Rose will go wherever she goes, for the whole day, and I'll be the one having to hold it together."

There was unaccustomed bitterness in Danny's voice, which surprised Steve. The Williams family always seemed so together, so strong. If they could be felled by their grief even four years later, what did that mean for him?

"I'm sorry," he said, not sure what he was even apologizing for.

"The first year is the hardest," Danny said softly. "And this day will always be bad for you, but never as bad as right now."

Steve rubbed at his face with both hands but made no move to sit up. "Why the hell are you so nice to me?" He immediately bit his lip; he hadn't really meant to ask that.

Danny sighed. "You're asking me? You're a huge pain the ass, McGarrett, and that's coming from a guy with three sisters. Honestly? I don't know. You suck at video games, and you have the emotional range of a hamster with a lobotomy."

"Wow, thanks for the great pep talk," Steve replied. Still, the corners of his mouth twitched up; it was just like Danny to tell him exactly what was on his mind.

"You asked," Danny reminded him. "Okay, truth. You're fun to hang out with, when you're not being a jerk. And it's like…I don't know. Like I can be myself for the first time because you know my deep, dark secret. Incidentally, is that the reason you've slipped back into the whole Lone Wolf thing? Cause I thought we'd moved past that."

Steve sighed. He wasn't ready to have that conversation, maybe wouldn't ever be. If he didn't deserve Danny as his friend, he doubly didn't deserve him as something more. At the same time, the temptation to touch him was _so_ strong. Despite the fact that Sharon had been more than willing just twenty minutes ago, that wasn't the kind of touch he wanted. It was embarrassing and mortifying, but he really just wanted someone to _hold_ him. He thought he must be gay, if he was having thoughts like that.

"Look, I just want to understand," Danny said. Steve saw movement out of the corner of his eye and turned his head to see that Danny had stood up and was pacing. "If you don't want to talk about it, fine. But I can't keep doing this with you, pal. You're either in this friendship or you're not, there's no revolving door."

"Is that an ultimatum?" he asked, aware of how he sounded.

"If it has to be."

Steve sat up and got off the bed, staggering just a little as he did so. If Danny wanted honesty, well, that was fine. That was more than fine. He could take his ultimatum and stick it where the sun didn't shine.

"I can't stop thinking about you kissing that guy. Can't get it out of my head no matter what I do." He hadn't meant to sound quite so accusatory; after all, it wasn't Danny's fault that he was obsessing.

"I _knew_ it! I _knew_ you wouldn't let that go, no matter what you said. That's a pretty lame reason not to be friends with someone, Steven." The hurt in Danny's voice was louder than the words he spoke. "I trusted you with that, trusted you to know I'm still the same person."

Steve moved closer, his chest tightening. He _wanted_, so much. Danny kept talking, kept flailing his arms around while he told Steve exactly what special kind of jerk he was. Steve blamed it on the alcohol, at least partially, when he reached out and wrapped his hands around Danny's wrists, stilling them. His friend actually looked afraid, like he was scared of _Steve_ which was just ridiculous since Steve himself was absolutely terrified.

"Don't…" Danny started to say, and then Steve leaned in and kissed him. It wasn't much of a kiss, just a quick press of lips, but Steve felt like his heart was going to pound right out of his chest and his palms were sweaty against Danny's wrists.

"What the _fuck_ are you _doing_?" Danny reared back, pulling out of Steve's grasp. "Are you out of your tiny little mind?"

"I guess I must be," Steve said, hands shaking just a little. "Because I can't stop thinking about that kiss on New Year's and wishing it was me. I never looked at guys before, but I can't stop looking at you."

He was glad the light was still off, so that Danny didn't have a clear view of the misery and helplessness he was sure was on his face. Of course, he couldn't get a good read on Danny either, though maybe that was for the best. He bent down and picked up the discarded bottle of Jim Beam, intent on drowning his sorrows, but Danny slapped it out of his hand and it slid across the floor and under the bed.

"No. No more drinking. You've had enough, if you're making with the…with…what the _hell_, Steve? What _is_ this?" Danny ran a hand through his spiky blonde hair.

"I'm a mess," Steve sighed. "I'm sorry. I just…well, now you know."

He made to move for the door, intent on escaping the room, the house, possibly the planet. Danny blocked his path, standing so close that Steve could see his face, could see the confusion in his eyes.

"Is this the liquor talking?"

It was an out, and a good one. Steve could blame his ridiculous behavior on too much beer and Beam, then go home and crawl into bed and wish he could go back in time and take it all back. His mom had _died_, and here he was having a fight with Danny about his goddamned _feelings_ like it was so much more important. But it would be a lie, and he didn't want to lie.

"No."

Danny bit his bottom lip, clearly indecisive. Then he shook his head. "I'll take you home."

Steve sighed, disappointment and relief warring for control until his stomach roiled with it and he was afraid he'd be sick. "Yeah. Okay."

Steph and Joe were sitting out in the hall, and as soon as Steve and Danny came out of the bedroom Steph hopped to her feet.

"Is everything okay?"

"Steve had too much to drink," Danny explained. "I'm taking him home."

Steph ignored him, getting all up in Steve's personal space. "Steve?"

"I'm not feeling great," he said, and it was lucky he probably looked like hell because she nodded and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek.

"Call me tomorrow, okay?" Steph moved out of the way so they could get by, and Joe just watched them head back down the stairs.

Steve moved on autopilot, following behind Danny as he sought out Tammi to say thanks and goodbye. Several people tried to talk to them on their way out, but Danny kept them moving until they were outside and headed for the minivan.

"We'll come back tomorrow for your aunt's car, okay?" Danny opened the passenger door for Steve and then stood there, waiting for him to get in. But Steve looked at him, really _looked_ at him standing there on a random sidewalk with the night air chilling their skin, and was suddenly afraid that if he didn't do or say the right thing _right now_ he'd miss his chance and he'd never get another one.

He crowded Danny against the open door, one hand gripping his shoulder tightly as he mashed their lips together. It was a much more definitive kiss this time, if a bit sloppy and too full of teeth. When Danny opened his mouth, protesting, Steve slipped his tongue in; kissing was something he'd always been pretty good at and just because he was kissing a guy instead of a girl didn't make much of a difference. At least until Danny finally started kissing back, more aggressive than any girl Steve had made out with and that included Sharon.

Steve felt light-headed. He was a guy. _Kissing a guy_. And not just any guy, but his best friend. The weird thing about it was that it wasn't weird at all, and maybe it was just all the time he and Danny had been spending together, or all the thought he'd given to the subject of guys kissing in general. A part of him was outraged that he was doing this, feeling happy today of all days, but it was trampled by the bigger feeling of having someone who really, truly cared about him kissing him like it was the most important thing in the entire world.

When they finally moved apart, Danny had his hands fisted in the back of Steve's shirt and they were both nearly panting. Steve kept his eyes closed, wanting nothing more than to wallow in the moment. The tightness in his chest had dissolved and he waited for regret to take its place, but he just felt…good.

"I'm so screwed," Danny muttered. He pressed a quick kiss to the corner of Steve's mouth, surprising him, and then went around the minivan and got into the driver's seat. "Let's go, McGarrett."

Steve got in and buckled up. The alcohol consumption was catching up with him and he dozed against the window during the short drive back to the house. He wanted to ask if he could sleep over at Danny's, just so he didn't have to sleep alone, but something told him that particular request might not be well received. And he didn't want to look like a pansy.

Danny shook him awake. "We're here."

"Thanks. For the ride. And, uh…everything."

"Don't thank me, because we're going to have a nice, long talk tomorrow when you're sober. And, if there's _any_ justice in the universe, you'll have a nice hangover too."

"Thanks a lot." Steve wanted to kiss him again, but he just got out and trudged up to the house; Aunt Leigh and Uncle Tommy were still up, he could see the flickering light of the television through the front window. He turned around once he had the front door open and saw the minivan was still idling at the curb, Danny watching him. Steve gave an awkward little wave and went inside to find a bottle of Tylenol and his bed.

*o*o*o*

"You look like shit," Danny said with a particularly gleeful grin.

Steve just flipped him off and pushed past to sit on his bed. He'd had a rough night of it after Danny had dropped him off; a large portion of it had been spent sitting next to the toilet, and when he'd finally been able to go to bed the events of the party just kept looping around in his head.

He winced, holding his head when Danny slipped a Springsteen tape in his boom box and turned it up loud. "Turn that off!"

"No. It's only Rose upstairs but I don't want her listening in." Danny sat on the opposite end of the bed, keeping a careful cushion of space between them. "Now you can tell me what the hell that was last night."

Steve scowled. "You know what it was."

"No. I don't. Because the McGarrett I _thought_ I knew was straight as an arrow, and then there you were throwing yourself at me."

"I didn't _throw_ myself at you!"

Danny pointed a finger at him. "You most certainly did! And I want to know why. Was it the booze or your retarded emotional response to a bad day or what?"

"No!" Steve snapped, running a hand through his hair. "Or, well, I don't know. It wasn't _just_ that."

"Well that's really helpful. Not."

"Look, you weren't exactly protecting your virtue either." The best defense was a good offense, and Steve had no problem trying to deflect this uncomfortable conversation. Danny glared.

"No, we're not talking about _me_. And we won't be until I find out if you're just reaffirming your heterosexuality, or playing at being gay, because I'm not here to help you experiment, McGarrett."

Steve was honestly hurt by that. How could Danny think he'd use him that way? He cursed himself for acting so impulsively the night before and promised himself that he was done with alcohol of any kind; nothing but trouble came along with it. Something of what he was feeling must've shown on his face, because Danny's expression softened a bit.

"Steve. Have you ever thought about guys like that before?"

"No." But now something occurred to him. "You know what, though? I never thought about girls like that either, until I got a crush on Kea Mahelona in the fourth grade. Maybe this is the same thing."

He felt righteous vindication when Danny looked surprised, and then thoughtful. "I'll give you that one, Steve. That's actually a good argument. Okay, so you've just decided that you like guys too. So…you're bisexual."

"What? No!"

"Steve, if you like guys _and_ girls, that's kind of the definition of being bi." Danny grinned at him but Steve just scowled back.

"I'm not some kind of…of slutty gigolo."

Danny's grin turned into an outright laugh, until he was gasping for breath. Steve tried to be annoyed by this blatant display of mockery but, despite the headache pounding at his temples, he chuckled a little at his friend's obvious mirth. The whole conversation was bizzare, but that seemed to be par for the course for the two of them. Amusement abruptly changed to affection and Steve had to fight the urge to touch Danny.

"Okay," Danny said when he'd regained a modicum of control. "Being bisexual does _not_ make you a slutty gigolo. It just gives you more options."

"If you say so."

"I do." Danny turned serious. "That being said, I'm not sure I'm the right person to introduce you to the whole gay thing. You're my best friend, Steve, and if things went south between us…I just don't think it's a good idea."

"You didn't seem to mind it last night." Steve's stomach was starting to hurt again. He honestly hadn't thought that Danny would reject him, and he knew he hadn't said the right thing, but he was serious too.

"Last night was…"

"Last night was good. I _liked_ it. Not because it was just some guy, but because it was _you_." Steve hated this, hated putting it out there so plainly, but he had to make Danny understand. "I'm not playing around and I'm not experimenting. I like you. More than just friends. And maybe you think I can't handle it…"

"That's not…"

"But I at least want to try. There's stuff I bet my mom wanted to do that she never did. I don't want that to happen to me. I don't want to miss this."

Danny just stared at him and Steve had trouble reading his expression. If he told him no again, that was it; he wasn't going to beg or make a further idiot of himself. He also knew things would never be the same between them, not after that kiss. Lines would have to be redrawn and the easy way they had with each other would be gone.

Finally Danny seemed to come to a decision, and he narrowed his eyes as he jabbed a finger in Steve's direction. "If you wreck this I'm going to kick your ass."

Steve barely had time to process that, barely time to feel a knot loosen in his chest, before Danny was all up in his personal space, hands cupping his face. This kiss was completely different from the one they'd shared by the minivan the night before; now there was gentleness and promise and care.

_Fuck you, Dave_, Steve thought, smiling against Danny's lips.

* * *

_**AN:**__ This chapter really got away from me, I didn't mean for it to run so long. I wasn't going to include the after-kiss discussion but I thought maybe you guys wouldn't be too happy with me. ::grins:: Hence the supersized chapter._

_Thanks to hubby who helped with the last scene, which was giving me fits. He's so good a redirecting me! LOL!_

_Four more months to go! Coming up, some new family drama for Steve. And more smoochy goodness for our boys. Yay!_


	9. May 1993

**May 1993**

It was the bottom of the eighth and the Trenton Tornadoes were ahead by five runs. The stands were full; school spirit was high and even the geeks came out to support the team. Of course, Steve only had eyes for Danny. His black Jersey was covered in dirt and grass stains, ditto the gray pants, and he had a smudge of something across one cheek; Steve found that embarrassingly appealing.

Danny was fast. He was a bunter, but that was because he had wings on his feet; he _never_ got tagged out getting to first. In the field he was surprisingly graceful, and he had a powerful arm. He could bend, scoop up the ball, pivot and throw in one smooth motion. It made Steve fidgety with unfocused lust and an odd sense of pride.

He was up at bat again and Steve couldn't help himself. "Hit it out of the park, Williams!"

His voice was just one of many, but Danny looked over and grinned at him, giving the bat a practice swing. The first pitch went wide, and Danny just watched it sail by. The second was too low and he ignored that one as well. But the third pitch he met with a resounding crack of the bat; no bunt this time, but a full-on home run.

Steve got to his feet with the rest of the crowd, screaming and clapping, as Danny and the other runner at base made their way across home plate. Seven runs ahead now, but the next batter struck out and that was the end of the inning. When Steve sat back down he found that Steph had joined him.

"You're late," he said.

"I had a thing."

"So I see." Steve nodded at the very fresh hickey on her neck. She didn't even have the decency to blush.

"I've got my priorities. So how we doing?"

"Up by seven. Danny's doing really good." Steve's eyes followed him as he took the field, baseball cap tugged low over his eyes.

"Probably he's showing off since you finally decided to come to a game," Steph said, her disapproval clear. "Are you finally back from your trip to Assholevania or is this just another stopover?"

Steve rolled his eyes. "Let's just say I got an extended visa."

"Lame," Steph replied, but she grinned to let Steve know he was temporarily off the hook. "Hey, batta-batta-batta! No hit! No hit!"

"Oh, geez. You're one of those?"

"One of what?"

"Loudmouth sports fans. You're the worst kind of…_Yes!_ Nice catch, Danny!" Steve shouted as Danny whipped the ball to third and the runner got tagged out.

Steph laughed. "Yeah. It's just me."

Together they jeered the opposing team, cheered on the Tornadoes, and ragged on each other mercilessly. It was the most fun Steve'd had in a long time, not counting sucking face with Danny.

The Tornadoes won, 15 to 11, and most everyone had cleared out by the time Danny emerged from the locker room looking freshly showered and grinning like a madman.

"We kicked their asses!" he said when he caught sight of Steve leaning against the wall by the door.

"Not bad. For a shortstop."

Danny slugged him in the arm and they walked to the parking lot together. Some of the other players were straggling out as well, including Dale; he nodded at Danny, who nodded back, and then walked away without saying anything to or about Steve.

"So now what?" Steve asked when they reached the minivan.

"Now we go back to my place and get something to eat. I'm starving." Even so, once they were in the car Danny didn't turn on the engine right away. Instead he watched as everyone cleared out.

"Everything okay?" Steve asked nervously. As much as he was enjoying the changes to his friendship with Danny, he kept waiting for something to go horribly wrong. Either he'd screw something up, or Danny would come to his senses and realize Steve was too much trouble. Silence was always a bad sign.

Danny didn't answer right away, which just made Steve more apprehensive. It wasn't until the last car had pulled away that he turned in his seat, a smile on his lips but a serious expression in his eyes.

"I, uh…just wanted to say thanks. For coming to my game."

That surprised Steve, and made him feel like a heel for not coming sooner. He shouldn't have been so worried about what Dale, or anyone else, would say; it's not like they really knew anything.

He opened his mouth to apologize, and then Danny was kissing him, one hand on the back of Steve's neck to hold him in place. Not that he was in any danger of running off. It was a short kiss but it still left his heart racing and his skin prickling.

"So…dinner?" he asked a bit breathlessly.

"Dinner," Danny agreed with a grin. "Then maybe…more of that?"

"I'll clear my schedule," Steve assured him earnestly. Danny laughed and put the key in the ignition. Steve had to keep his face turned to the window for the drive back to the Williams house, just so he wouldn't get caught making goo-goo eyes at his boyfriend.

*o*o*o*

Steve was home alone, struggling with an English essay. He didn't care about the plight of women authors in the 1800s, and he couldn't force interest long enough to get the stupid thing written. When the phone rang he was more than ready for a distraction, and he hoped it was Danny. It wasn't.

_Steve?_

It was Aunt Deb and she sounded anxious; Steve immediately tensed in anticipation of bad news. "What's wrong?"

_Have you heard from your sister?_

"Not since last week. What happened?"

_She ran away. I've called all her friends…I was hoping she's called you._

"She ran away? What the hell?" Steve clutched the phone tightly, countless worse-case scenarios running through his head.

_Mary's been having some trouble at school. Her grades are down, she's been fighting. She's not herself._

"Did you check the bus stations? Does she have any money to use for tickets?" He wasn't a cop's kid for nothing, he knew where they needed to start.

_Your father is coordinating a search. We've contacted bus stations, the airport, the train station, even the cab companies._

"So she didn't call Dad either?" Steve heard a perfunctory knock on the front door and knew it was Danny.

_No. She hasn't called anyone in the family, and her friends don't know anything. Or they won't tell._

"Did she leave a note or anything?"

Danny's face popped into his field of vision, looking concerned. Steve just shook his head, so Danny plunked himself down in a kitchen chair and waited.

_That's how I knew she was gone_, Aunt Deb said. She sounded exhausted. _Mary said that she couldn't live here anymore, it wasn't the same, and she apologized for any trouble she caused_.

Steve didn't know what to say, and he gave Danny a desperate, helpless look. He felt like he should be out there looking for her, but where would he start? It wasn't like he could just zip over to Indiana.

_If you hear from her, please call me._

"I will. I promise."

Aunt Deb hung up before he could say anything else, and he just stared dumbly at the phone in his hand until Danny pried it from his grasp and hung it up.

"Steve? What's going on?"

"Mary ran away, and they don't know where she is."

Danny grimaced, his hand on Steve's shoulder. "Is there anything we can do?"

"No. I don't know. My dad's on it, so probably not." Steve leaned against Danny, his stomach twisting with guilt. "I knew something was going on with her, I _knew_ it. And I never asked. I was too caught up in my own shit to even _care_."

"Stop that!" Danny said sharply. "This isn't your fault."

"I've been a lousy brother."

"And what were you supposed to do from this far away? Steve, whatever trouble she's in, nothing you did could've stopped it."

"Maybe." But he was full of doubt. If he'd asked the right questions, if he'd been a better listener…maybe he could've helped her. He was the older brother, he was supposed to watch out for Mary. Hell, he'd seen how thin she was at Thanksgiving but he'd never once brought it up.

"Hey, McGarrett. They'll find her. You dad is like a super cop or something, right?"

Steve huffed out a humorless laugh. "Yeah, sure. Aunt Deb said she was having trouble in school, but not what kind."

"You thinking drugs or something?" Danny put his arm around Steve's waist and led him out to the living room, where they both sat on the couch. Steve slouched down so he could rest his head on Danny's shoulder.

"I'd normally say no. But now…I don't know. So much changed after…"

"Yeah. I know." Danny ran his hand up and down Steve's leg. "Do you think she'd try to get back to Hawaii?"

Steve shrugged. How the hell was he supposed to know? At that moment he felt like he didn't know anything. Maybe she'd joined a cult, like those people in Waco that had gotten themselves blown up last month. Or maybe she'd be one of those runaway kids they sometimes made movies about, living in alleys and sewers and stuff.

"Stop it," Danny said, slapping him on the leg. "I can hear your brain churning and whatever you're thinking, stop it. She's a McGarrett, right? She's not stupid."

"She's just a kid."

"Yeah, well, technically so are you. So give yourself a break, okay?" Danny shrugged Steve off and reached over to get his notebook off the coffee table. "You haven't finished this essay yet?"

"It's stupid." Steve knew what Danny was trying to do but he didn't want to be distracted. He needed to think of something to do, some way to help.

"Steve. Hey." Danny turned Steve's head, forced him to focus. "There's _nothing_ you can do. So let's see if we can't get your homework done, and hopefully we'll get an update soon. Okay?"

Steve sighed but he reluctantly got with the program.

*o*o*o*

Three hours later Steve was over at Danny's, playing Legend of Zelda. It had taken forever to get the essay busted out, and he couldn't have done it without Danny needling him and providing comical commentary on the otherwise boring topic. Aunt Leigh had come home and been advised of the situation; she'd kicked them both out of the house, promising to call as soon as she heard anything.

It was something of a relief for Steve to lose himself in the game, and all the trash-talking he did with Danny. It was comfortable and familiar, sitting shoulder to shoulder on the bed, with the added benefit of playing footsie while their fingers flew on the game controllers. Of course, Danny could only hold his tongue for so long.

"You ever think about running away?"

"No." It was an easy question for Steve to answer. McGarrett men didn't run from their problems, they faced them head on. That's the way he was brought up, though that certainly didn't account for his father's behavior these last few months.

"I did," Danny confessed, never taking his eyes off the TV. "Things were so hard after Matty died. Everyone was just so miserable, and for a while I used to dream about just going away."

"Where would you go?"

"I don't know. Down south, maybe. I have cousins down there, in Florida and South Carolina."

Steve supposed he couldn't blame Danny for wanting to get away; he'd only had Mary depending on him, but Danny had three sisters. He wondered where he'd go, it he decided to leave home. He couldn't really imagine being anywhere but Hawaii – who wants to leave paradise? There were plenty of islands he could hop to, but to really, honestly leave it all behind?

"I think I'd go to California," he said.

"Yeah? Why there?" Danny asked.

"I don't know. Same kind of weather, good surfing."

The silence drew out again for a few minutes, and Danny hooked his ankle over Steve's. "If you could live in a whole other country, which one would you pick?"

"Hmm. I don't know. Maybe Australia."

"Really?" Danny sounded surprised. "That's like the other side of the world! And it's all desert and weird accents and stuff."

Steve grinned. "It's interesting, not weird. And I hear they have good surfing there."

Danny rolled his eyes. "Of course, Nothing matters to you but surfing. That's an excellent way to plan out your future, McGarrett."

"It's not like I'm really going."

"Yeah, well."

Danny sounded so disgruntled that Steve turned his head and pressed a kiss to Danny's temple. At which point the game was abandoned in favor of more physical pursuits. Steve really liked the kissing, even though a little part of him was frustrated by it. He knew there was more, was starting to think he might want a little more, but at the same time it scared the crap out of him.

"Hey, Steve!" Rose called down the stairs. Steve and Danny sprang apart so fast that Danny almost fell off the bed. "Phone!"

Without so much as a backwards glance Steve took the stairs two at a time, almost bowling Rose over in his haste to get to the phone. He hoped it was good news.

"Hello?"

_They found her_, Aunt Leigh said. The relief in her voice was palpable and Steve let out the breath he'd been holding.

"Where was she?"

_Hitchhiking. She was on her way here, Steve._

He didn't know what to say to that. The idea of his little sister thumbing for rides was terrifying; there were so many wackjobs out there that she could've disappeared forever and no-one would've known.

"She didn't tell me she was doing that, I swear!" His father would kill him.

_I know, Steve. She told your Aunt Deb that she didn't want to tell you because you'd be mad._

"She was right," he muttered. "So…uh, she's okay? Right?"

_She's fine, honey. Your dad is flying in, hopefully he can get her squared away._

"Dad's coming?" Jealousy shot through him, which just made him feel like a jerk; it wasn't a pleasant combination. He knew he should be grateful that his father cared enough to come out, particularly since Mary really needed him. And maybe…maybe he'd see what a bad decision it was, splitting the family up, and he'd take them home.

_He's coming here, too. He said to expect him by the end of the week_. Aunt Leigh didn't sound particularly excited about it, but it made Steve's stomach knot up painfully. His dad was coming.

_Are you coming home for dinner?_

"Oh. Uh, yeah. I'll be there in a little while."

_You can invite Danny if you want. We're having meatloaf._

"I'll ask. Thanks." Steve hung up the phone and just stood there for a long moment, trying to figure out exactly how he was feeling. Relieved, certainly, that Mary was okay. Grateful she was trying to get to him, which meant she still trusted him despite how neglectful he'd been of her. Nervous about seeing his father, about what that might mean. And angry that it had taken something like this for him to leave Hawaii.

He turned to head back to the basement and saw that Danny was standing there, his face so completely shuttered that he might've been a mannequin. Steve felt guilty, seeing him like that; in all his hopeful dreaming about going back home he'd forgotten about his best friend. His _boyfriend_. He really was a selfish asshole.

"Mary's okay?" Danny asked, and there was no emotion at all in his voice. Steve felt like he'd wandered into an emotional minefield; he didn't know why Danny was acting weird or what he could do to make him stop.

"Yeah. She's fine."

"That's good. I told you it would work out."

"Danny, are you…?"

"I gotta run. It's a thing. For my mom. Talk to you later?" For a change it was Danny who was acting strange and running away from Steve; it wasn't any better being on the other side of things.

*o*o*o*

Danny became a ghost in the days before John McGarrett came to town and Steve was at a loss to explain why. Things between them had been fine until that phone call from Aunt Leigh, and as often as he replayed the conversation in his head he couldn't pinpoint any reason for Danny to be keeping his distance. It hurt especially because Steve really needed him right now; he was in an emotional tangle over seeing his dad and the only one he had to turn to was Steph.

"No," she said, holding up her hands when he approached her between classes. "I'm done. I hate the both of you and I'm wiping my hands clean."

She mimed the action, scowled at him, and turned back to her locker. Steve kept from banging his head against the wall, but only barely.

"Come on, Steph."

"What part of no was unclear?" She slammed her locker door closed and turned on him with a scowl. "You two are the most needy, emotionally repressed idiots I've ever known. And I date _Joe_, for goodness sake! You two clearly need marriage counseling, and that person isn't me. I'm not your therapist, your mom, your referee or anything else."

"But it's not my fault this time!" Steve protested.

"This is me, not caring," Steph replied. "You two don't have issues, you have whole subscriptions, and I'm just not the person to help you deal. I'm sorry. Goodbye."

Steve watched her stride purposefully towards the stairs and sighed. He knew she'd come around eventually, but by that time it could be too late. There was nothing else to do but walk home – again – and hope that Danny would man up and tell him what he did wrong.

It was his intention to go home and mope for a while before he did his homework, but his plans changed as soon as he saw the strange car in the driveway with the Avis rental plates. His dad was early. Steve hesitated out on the sidewalk; he was afraid of what his dad would say. Or wouldn't say. If Danny hadn't wigged out on him he'd go there instead, try to get some moral support at the very least, but he was on his own.

Steve found everyone in the kitchen, sitting around the table and drinking coffee. The ubiquitous coffee cake was out on one of the fancy plates; company food. John McGarrett looked up when his son came in, his expression revealing nothing. Steve stared back at him, striving to achieve the same bland look and feeling like he was failing horribly.

"Steve."

"Dad."

Aunt Leigh looked between the two of them and shook her head. "Come sit down. You want some cake?"

"No, thanks." Steve dropped his backpack and took a seat at the table. He didn't know where to look, so he kept his gaze on his hands. The silence became oppressive and Aunt Leigh nervously tried to fill it.

"Steve's being doing very well in school, John. His grades are good, and while we haven't been able to convince him to join any of the sports teams he goes swimming at the Y a few times a week."

_Think about that, Dad_, Steve thought to himself. _You took away my ocean and now I'm making do with chlorinated pool water._

"How long you staying?" Uncle Tommy asked. Steve shot a quick glance in his direction because he sounded mad; he was looking pretty mad, too, eyes narrowed.

"I'm catching a flight out of Newark tomorrow night."

There were no apologies for the short visit, no excuses made about why he had to go home. And clearly he was leaving alone. Steve was torn between feeling completely betrayed and just a little relieved; he was more than ready to go home, but he wasn't ready to leave Danny. The whole thing made him feel sick to his stomach.

"So you're leaving me here," he said, finally look at his dad. John looked back at him, face still impassive if a little pinched around the mouth, and Steve felt his anger boil over. "Why did you even bother coming?"

"Steve…" his dad said warningly.

"Let's not…" Aunt Leigh started to say at the same time.

"No! You don't get to just sit there and not explain yourself!" Steve smacked his hand on the table, making the silverware clatter.

"Don't raise your voice to me," John said. "You don't know…"

"Because you won't _tell_ me anything!" Steve's hands clenched into fists and he pushed back from the table. "Why stay at all? Just go home!"

"He's right, John," Uncle Tommy said, and Steve was surprised to find that someone was actually on his side. "You won't tell any of us anything. Now, I'm not complaining about have Steve here with us, because he's a good kid. Hasn't given us any trouble. But you owe us – _all_ of us – something."

John scowled. "You doing me a favor doesn't entitle you to my personal business."

"_What_ business?" Steve shouted. "What could possibly be important enough for you to send us away from home?"

"I'm trying to keep you safe!"

"From _what_? Jesus, Dad, do you even _listen_ to yourself?" Aunt Leigh put her hand on his arm but Steve shrugged her off. "When Mom died it affected _all_ of us, not just you. You don't get to be the big, tragic figure here."

"It was a mistake, coming here," John said. If anything he looked even more pinched now, and beneath that incredibly fatigued, but Steve didn't care. He'd never felt so unwanted in his whole life and it made his throat tighten painfully.

"It was a mistake _sending_ me here," he managed to say. "But I guess you're gonna keep making it."

"I want to transfer you out of Trenton," John said, abruptly changing the subject. "I can get you into the Army and Navy Academy Boarding School. It'll help you with Annapolis."

He pulled a manila envelope from the pocket of his coat and tossed it on the table. "I have your application and letters of recommendation."

Steve stared at it, his mouth hanging open. He barely heard the argument that Uncle Tommy started on his behalf. He'd almost forgotten about Annapolis; they'd need his application before the end of the year if he wanted to make the deadline. His goal of joining the Navy hadn't changed, but he'd only go so far to achieve it.

"No."

Everyone turned to look at him but he looked directly at his father.

"What?"

"No. I'm not going to California. I have friends here, really good friends, and I'm not giving them up just to pad my application."

Aunt Leigh beamed at him, but his dad only glowered. "Don't make a bad decision just because you're angry."

"No, that's what _you_ do," Steve shot back. He'd had enough. He got up without another word and made straight for the front door. He couldn't be in the same house with his dad, not when he was so angry and when his father refused to listen.

He almost ran right over Danny, who was sitting on the front steps. "Danny?"

"I was gonna come in," Danny said, getting to his feet. "But…there was a lot of yelling. I didn't want to interrupt."

"Oh. Yeah. My dad's here." Steve shrugged, vaguely embarrassed. "Do you mind if we…?"

"Sure. Yeah." Because of course Danny understood what he wanted without him having to say. They walked side-by-side to the park, which Steve would always think of as their place. How many conversations had they had there?

"You still mad at me?" Steve asked once they'd settled in on their usual table. He felt close to tears, which was of course mortifying, but he was still edgy from arguing with his dad and the realization that he wasn't going home. Having Danny still angry would be the straw that broke his back.

"I wasn't mad at you, goof," Danny said, nudging him with his shoulder. "Just…I don't know. Worried."

"About what?"

"About your dad. Taking you home." Danny flushed. "It's stupid."

It wasn't stupid. Steve felt ridiculously pleased that Danny was so worried about him leaving, and scooted closer to him. "He's not taking me anywhere, so you can stop worrying."

"Yeah, I overhead. I didn't mean to."

"It's okay." Steve ran a hand over his face. "I really hate him."

"Me too. I wanted to come in and tell him off, but I wasn't sure that would've been appreciated. You know."

It occurred to Steve, quite suddenly, that he might actually love Danny. He didn't even know what to do with that knowledge, so he decided not to think about it and instead kissed Danny for all he was worth.

When they finally came up for air Danny was half in Steve's lap, his head on Steve's shoulder. "I'm sorry you don't get to go home, but I'm glad you're staying. That makes me a jerk, doesn't it?"

"Nah. Not talking to me? That makes you a jerk." Steve tightened his hold on Danny as they both chuckled. "Nice to know I'm not the only one."

"You may be a jerk," Danny agreed. "But you're _my_ jerk."

Steve grinned. "You say the sweetest things, Williams."

Danny poked him in the side and snuggled in a little closer. They stayed there in the park until darkness fell, talking about everything but John McGarrett, until Steve finally felt a little better. As long as he had Danny, Jersey was the next best thing to home.

* * *

_**AN:**__ This chapter really didn't want to be written – I had to do a lot of wrestling with my muse. Real life has also been fairly intrusive lately, in time-consuming, soul-sucking ways. Hopefully the remaining three chapters will be easier to wrangle. Thanks so much for hanging in there with me, faithful readers!_


	10. June 1993

**June 1993**

Steve stared in open admiration. "It's _awesome_."

"It's rusty," Danny pointed out.

"It's black."

Danny gestured widely with one arm. "Passenger door is silver."

"Gives it character."

That earned him a snort in response. "It's a death trap."

"It is _not!_ Look, the bed is lined."

"You'll have to load it with sandbags if you want to drive in the winter."

Steve tore his gaze from the truck that was sitting in his uncle's driveway and glared at his boyfriend. "Seriously?"

"Sorry." Danny sighed, crossing his arms over his chest. "It's a great truck. Wonderful. Very masculine."

"You're jealous."

"Oh, yeah," he admitted with a grin. "Truck versus mom's mini van? No contest, my friend."

Steve slung his arm around Danny's neck. "Don't worry, Danno. You're the manliest man I know."

_Danno?_ Danny mouthed. He gave Steve a shove. "So your uncle just bought this for you out of the goodness of his heart?"

"Nope. Well, yeah, I guess that too." Steve reached out to touch the side of the truck. "We had a long talk the other day, about how I don't want to use Dad's money anymore. So I'm gonna look for a summer job."

"What?" Danny pulled away, frowning. "Why didn't you say something?"

"I'm saying something now. Besides, I know how much you hate it when I talk about my dad." Almost as much as Steve hated thinking about him; it hurt, having a rift between them, but John McGarrett had chosen solitude over family and that was all on him. "I don't want to rely on him for anything, you know?"

"Yeah. I get it." Danny cast a surreptitious glance around before pressing a quick kiss to Steve's mouth. "You got a line on a job yet?"

"No. I didn't want to start looking until I had a way to get there." It hadn't been an easy decision, getting a job. It would mean having less time to spend hanging around with Danny, but his independence was just as important to him. He didn't want to be beholden to his father for anything anymore.

True, the '82 Dodge had seen better days. But Uncle Tommy had bought it for him, it was his very first vehicle, and he couldn't believe his good fortune. If he wanted to he could drive right out of Jersey and never look back. Steve looked over at Danny, who had his head through the passenger window so he could check out the interior, and he knew that wasn't true; he could never leave now.

"Let's take it out," Danny said, pulling back from the window. "We can go to the movies. You still want to see Jurassic Park, right?"

Yes, Steve did, but he shook his head dejectedly. "I won't get my permit till Wednesday."

"I thought you drove Crazy Sharon to the dance that time."

Steve shrugged. "Yeah, well. Aunt Leigh let me take the car. I was really careful."

"Lucky for you I already have my license, then." Danny moved around him, clapping him once on the back, and headed for the driver's side of the truck. Steve hurried after him.

"Oh, no you don't! You don't get to drive it before me!"

Danny waved him off with one hand as he slid behind the wheel. "Think of it as payment for all the rides you've mooched off me."

Steve gaped at him. "Are you bent? Get out of there!"

"Come on, McGarrett. The movie will be my treat. Don't be a baby." Danny gave him a patented you're-being-a-moron look. "Don't you want to see how she handles?"

"Fine. But just this once!" Steve started around the front of the truck just as Aunt Leigh came out the front door.

"Steve! Mary's on the phone."

He looked at Danny through the windshield, torn, but Danny just waved him off. "Go talk to her. I'll call and find out what time the movie starts."

Steve hurried inside. He'd been trying to do better at staying in touch with Mary; her running away had scared him and he wanted to make sure that didn't happen again.

"Hey, Scary Mary! What's up?"

_You're not as funny as you think you are._

"Nope, I'm even funnier."

_Har har._

"How are things at school? Everything okay?"

_Yeah. I haven't burned the place down yet or anything._

"That's good," he said, craning his neck to look out the front window; Danny hadn't come back yet.

_Aunt Leigh said you got a truck. Is it cool?_

"Very cool, for a ten year old truck. I'm going for my permit this week and then I'll be fully mobile."

_You're so lucky. I can't wait till I'm sixteen._

"Danny wants to drive it, even before I get a chance to. Can you believe it?"

_But you're gonna let him, right?_

"Well, yeah. I mean, he's been driving me around all year. It's only fair." He waited, but there was just the sound of Mary breathing on the other end of the phone for a long minute or two. "Mare? Something on your mind?"

_I want to ask you something, but I don't want you to get pissed at me._

"I won't get pissed at you."

_Promise?_ Mary sounded really worried and Steve's stomach twisted. Was she in some kind of trouble? Had something happened?

"Spit it out already. I promise not to be mad."

_Do you like Danny?_

That was the last thing Steve had been expecting and he was confused. "What? Of course I do. Why else would we be friends?"

_No, I mean _like_ like. Like, a boyfriend._

His mouth instantly went dry. Why would she ask that? Had he said something? Given something away? He tried to be so careful. "Mary…"

_It's okay_, she said hastily. _I don't care. Honest. And I won't tell anyone, I promise. I just think it's nice. You know. That you have someone. That you're happy. You deserve to be happy._

Steve thought his heart was breaking, just a little. "You should be happy too. Mom would want us both to be."

_I'm trying. The therapy is helping, it really is._

"I'm glad. And you know you can talk to me about anything, right?"

The front door opened and Danny came bouncing in, making hurry-up motions at Steve, who scowled back at him.

_I know. You're a good big brother, Stevie._

"You're not so bad yourself, Squirt."

_Hey, I have to go. Will you call me on Friday?_

"You bet."

_Love you, Steve._

"Love you too." He hung up the phone and just stared at it. He didn't know how Mary guessed that he and Danny were more than friends, and he wondered if anyone else suspected.

"Everything okay with Mary?" Danny asked, even as he started pushing Steve towards the door.

"Yeah. She's doing good." Steve dug his heels in and forced Danny to stop just shy of the door. "Hey."

"We have to get going, McGarrett, or we're gonna miss the _mmph_…"

Anything else Danny had to say was lost when Steve kissed him, hard, pressing his whole body up against Danny's.

"Wow," he said, wide-eyed and flushed when they finally moved apart.

"Let's go," Steve said with a grin, and this time he was the one dragging Danny out the door.

"What was that for?"

"Nothing." Which was a lie, but he couldn't just come out and say _thanks for making me happy_.

"Well, let's get a move on then. We're going to miss the start of the movie otherwise." Danny slid behind the wheel and grinned at the roar of the engine when he turned the key in the ignition. Steve couldn't help smiling himself as he opened the silver passenger door and got in.

"Listen to that!"

"I know. It's pretty badass. Strap in and let's go."

"Pushy," Steve complained. He'd barely clicked his seatbelt home before Danny was pulling out of the driveway and speeding down the street. "Hey! Slow down! You're gonna get pulled over and they're gonna impound my truck before I even get to drive it."

Danny laughed. "They don't impound cars for speeding violations, you goof."

"Well, what if they pull you over and run the VIN number and this truck belonged to a drug dealer or something?" Steve leaned over and winced when he saw the speedometer. How was he even maintaining that speed with all the stoplights?

"Okay, first of all you need to chill out. Second, and no offense meant to your manly vehicle, but this isn't something a drug dealer would drive."

"How do _you_ know?"

Danny shot him an incredulous look. "Really? I live in Trenton, I've seen my share of deals. And this truck isn't tricked out – at all. No self-respecting dealer would be caught dead in this thing."

Steve felt oddly offended on behalf of his new wheels. "It would be perfect for keeping a low profile," he insisted.

"For moving bodies, maybe."

"Jeez, will you just _slow down_?" Any second now he was sure there were going to be flashing lights and a siren behind them. Danny sure as hell never drove his mom's van so fast.

"Fine." Danny relented, easing up on the gas pedal. "There. Grandpa Williams, out for a Sunday drive with Old Lady McGarrett."

"Hey!"

"You know, it's a good thing you're cute. I'm willing to overlook your obvious character flaws." Danny winked at him.

"You think I'm cute?" Steve felt a flush work up his neck. He was both flattered and embarrassed.

"_Everyone_ thinks you're cute. Don't you have a mirror?"

He wasn't sure what to say to that, so he fell back on humor. "Do you write about my cuteness in your diary? 'Dear Diary, Steve is so cute he makes me swoon.'"

Danny snorted. "Men don't swoon. Men pass out."

"And you know this because you're so manly."

"Need I remind you that I'm the one who watched hockey during the Olympics, Mr. Figure Skating?"

"That's a very athletic sport," Steve pointed out. They'd been having this argument for months and it was very familiar territory. He warmed to his subject. "You don't see hockey players doing all those jumps and spins and landing on a narrow skate blade."

"You don't see them wearing spangly costumes and makeup, either. Male figure skaters are a bunch of homos who couldn't cut it at real sports."

"_You're_ a homo," Steve challenged, flushing even more as he said the word; he hoped he hadn't crossed a line. Of course it didn't faze Danny in the least.

"Yeah, but I'm a manly homo."

"The manliest," Steve agreed, and suddenly all the humor was gone. Danny shot a glance in his direction and whatever expression he saw made his eyes widen. There was a long moment of awkward silence, during which Steve couldn't help picturing what his boyfriend might look like completely naked, and then they were at the theater.

"We're here," Danny said, sounding relieved.

Steve was fairly relieved himself, but part of him wanted to go back home with Danny and take the next step in their relationship. He wasn't even sure what that was, exactly, but he knew he was ready for it. The question was, was Danny?

*o*o*o*

"This is officially my favorite movie of all time," Danny said as they left the theater, blinking in the bright sunlight. "I always knew dinosaurs were badass!"

Steve just grinned at him. He'd enjoyed the movie too but not just because of the killer special effects; he and Danny had held hands in the dark, which sounded goofy but had actually been really, really nice.

"My favorite part was when you jumped when that raptor smashed into the door." Danny looked positively gleeful at that. "I was waiting for a girlish scream, so that was a little disappointing."

Steve slugged him in the arm. "Shut up. Almost everyone in the theater jumped for that."

"Not me."

"That's because you're dead inside."

They shoved each other a bit, and then Danny looked up and down the sidewalk. "You want to go to the arcade or something?"

Steve shrugged. "If you want to."

Danny shook his head. "Don't be passive aggressive. If you don't want to go there, what would you rather do? Come on, McGarrett. Don't keep me in suspense."

What he really wanted to do was go back to Danny's house and get him naked. He'd been on edge for the last couple of hours, thinking about things that should have terrified him but only filled him with a kind of unfocused lust.

"Steve? You okay?"

Feeling suddenly reckless, Steve leaned in close so he could whisper in Danny's ear. "I want to get naked with you." He could feel himself blushing at his admission, but he didn't break eye contact.

Danny just stared at him, his own skin flushing red, but his eyes darkened and a little electric jolt shot up Steve's spine. "You did _not_ just say that to me."

"Pretty sure I did." Steve stepped back and crossed his arms. Challenge issued. Danny's eyes narrowed.

"Are you _daring_ me? Is that what this is? Right here on the street in broad daylight?"

"What, are you a prude or something? Wow, I've been reading you way wrong." Steve smirked. "It's not like I'm gonna jump you right here, you know."

"But we can't go back to my house," Danny said, and the hint of desperation in his voice just made Steve grin even wider. He knew that Danny had been taking things slow with him, but he was honestly ready to get things moving in a new direction. It was time to stop being a virgin.

"Seriously," Danny insisted. "My ma is home and anyone who steps in the door has to help her cook. She's gone crazy making food for Rose's graduation party. Our freezer is packed full, and now she's got stuff at the neighbor's too."

"So let's go to my house." As soon as he said it, he pictured the two of them on his bed and it seemed like all the blood drained out of his head. He didn't know if anyone was at home today, but he didn't much care; his bedroom door had a lock.

The drive back took forever; as fast as Danny had driven to get the movie, he now seemed to be creeping along at slower than granny speed. It gave Steve time to have second thoughts, to wonder if maybe he was pushing for something that Danny wasn't ready for. He had no idea how far he'd ever gone with Dave, though he recalled something about there being no booty call involved. Whatever the hell that meant. The farthest Steve had ever gotten with a girl was second base, his hand down Susie Makala's panties during one of their post-game football parties on the beach. It would've been third base if she hadn't passed out in his lap.

"Are you sure about this?" Danny asked after the silence had become oppressive.

"If you don't want to, just say so," Steve replied irritably.

"No, no, I do! I do. I just…you know, you've never…"

"Well, have you?"

Danny blushed again. "Yeah. Just…uh…you know. Hands."

Steve shifted uncomfortably in his seat at the image Danny's words put in his head. The only hand that had ever been on his dick was his own, but he could imagine all too well how Danny's hand might feel.

"If I wasn't ready, I wouldn't have said anything."

"Okay, jeez, chill out man," Danny snapped back at him, but he started driving faster just the same.

There were no cars in the driveway when they got back to the house and Steve had to move slowly so he didn't embarrass himself by falling over his own feet getting out of the truck.

"Anybody home?" he called when they walked through the door. There was no answer. He and Danny stood looking at each other for a long moment, and then Danny nodded his head towards the stairs.

"So, uh…you wanna?"

Steve nodded and took the lead. His head was full of white noise, the same phrase repeating over and over in an endless loop: _Having sex with Danny. Having sex with Danny_. It was a wonder he didn't fall down the stairs. As soon as they got into his room he locked the door and then stood there with his back pressed against it. Danny smirked at him.

"You need to loosen up, McGarrett."

Steve wanted to tell him there was no way in hell that would ever happen; nothing about him felt the slightest bit loose at the moment. But then Danny was kissing him, pressed up against him, his hands running up and down Steve's sides, and Steve stopped worrying. He kissed Danny back with fervor and for the first time he let his hands drift down below the waist, running them over Danny's ass; the little groan he received in return went straight to his dick.

"Take your shirt off," Danny murmured in his ear.

Steve hurried to comply, tossing the shirt on the floor. Danny immediately ran a hand over his bare chest, his touch warm, and then proceeded to take off his own t-shirt. They'd seen each other shirtless countless times, but this was different. This time Steve touched the light sprinkling of blonde hair that covered Danny's chest, waiting for it to be weird, but it was Danny and that made it everything _but_ weird.

He jumped when Danny palmed him through his shorts.

"If you want to stop you tell me to stop," Danny said, his other hand cupping Steve's face. "Okay?"

"I don't want to stop."

"I knew you were smart." Danny grinned, and they were kissing again. This time Danny rubbed up against him and Steve could feel the hard line of his erection; he was almost dizzy with lust and want and need, and he pressed right back, grinding his own erection against Danny's.

Danny pulled back, red faced and gasping. "Stop that! You're gonna make me come in my jeans." He backed up towards the bed, pulling Steve with him, until his knees hit the mattress and he sat down.

Steve looked down at him as his shorts were being unbuttoned and pushed down his legs. He didn't think he'd ever had such a raging hard-on, and having Danny's face practically pressed against it only made it worse. He was absurdly glad he was wearing clean underwear.

Danny looked up at him, and the expression on his face made Steve catch his breath. He looked…hungry. And maybe a little scared. "Do you have any idea how ridiculously hot you are?"

Steve just shook his head. Danny tugged on him at the same time he fell back on the bed, so that Steve was half lying on top of him. The press of bare skin against bare skin had him surging against Danny, wanting more. In response Danny frantically tugged at his own jeans, shoving them down with his underwear in one move. And then all Steve could do was stare.

It wasn't that he'd never seen another guy's dick before; none of the guys on his old football team had been particularly shy in the locker room. He'd looked, but then he figured most guys did to see how they measured up. This time, though, he had plans to do more than just look.

"You're making me a little self-conscious here, Steve," Danny said.

"You're big," Steve said without thinking. "I mean…uh. It's nice."

That made Danny laugh. "Wow. Don't keep piling on the compliments, you're gonna give me a big head."

"You already have one," Steve said seriously, which only set Danny laughing harder. He pressed his face into the curve of Steve's neck and held on to him. It made something catch in his chest, and he knew it, knew it as certainly as he knew his own name: he was in love with Danny, and it took everything he had not to just blurt it out. He was pretty sure that even gay guys didn't just say stuff like that.

While Steve was pondering his feelings, Danny started working him out of his underwear. He was immediately self-conscious; it was the first time another guy would be looking at him with intent – that he knew of – and even though he knew he shouldn't think it, he wondered how he measured up to Dave.

"You're just…I don't know how…" Danny stammered.

"Deformed?" Steve prompted. "Hung? Crooked?"

"Perfect," Danny clarified. "Just like the rest of you."

Steve opened his mouth, but then Danny's hand wrapped around his dick and he lost the capacity for speech. He made an embarrassing noise and rested his forehead against Danny's, closing his eyes. He thrust into Danny's hand, and it was nothing like jerking himself off; it was so much better. And then it got even better than _that_, when Danny shifted beneath him and pressed both their dicks together with his hand. He didn't even know that was a thing!

"Guh," Steve said. It felt like every inch of skin on his body was prickling with electricity.

"Oh, yeah," Danny moaned.

"Steve!" Aunt Leigh called from downstairs. Steve and Danny froze, staring at each other wide-eyed. "Steve, are you home?"

"What do I do?" Steve whispered.

"Answer her, or she might come up," Danny whispered back.

"I'm in my room!" Steve called out.

"Do you want something to eat?"

"I'll be down in a few minutes!" he shouted back. He waited, but there was no further response, and he could hear the distant sound of cabinets opening and closing in the kitchen. "Way to kill the mood," he muttered.

"It's not dead yet," Danny said. He squeezed his hand around Steve's dick and it was enough to draw his full attention.

They found a rhythm, though it wasn't long before Steve's movements became erratic and jerky. He bit his bottom lip to keep from making noises as he came all over Danny's hand and stomach.

"Oh, yeah," Danny moaned quietly. "Oh, God."

A moment later he arched up beneath Steve as he came, his face screwed up in an expression that was almost pain. Steve caught his lips in a kiss and for a moment felt he might devour Danny whole. He hadn't known that the experience of having an orgasm could change just by having someone else involved; it was amazing, and he was so glad it had been Danny there with him.

"Wow," Danny murmured. He had his arms flung out and looked incredibly boneless stretched out on the bed. Steve looked down at him, admiring the view. He wouldn't mind seeing it again and again.

"You know what? I…"

"Steve?" Aunt Leigh knocked on the bedroom door. Steve dropped down on the bed, feeling horribly exposed, at the same time that Danny rolled off the side and on to the floor, grabbing a pillow as he went to cover himself with.

"Hey!" Steve hissed. "You're getting your stuff on my pillowcase!"

"It's yours too, asshole," Danny hissed back at him.

"Steve? Is everything okay?"

"Just fine!" Steve shouted. "Just…uh…hanging out. With Danny. Danny's here."

"Oh, that's nice. Danny, would you like some lunch? I stopped at the deli."

"That would be great, Mrs. McG." Danny sounded pleasant enough but he was shooting daggers at Steve.

"Okay. Come on down boys."

"Be right there," Steve called through the door.

Danny threw the pillow at his head. "Why did you tell her I was here?"

"I think she'll notice when you come down the stairs. Unless you plan on climbing out the window and scaling the drain pipe."

"Shut up," Danny said. He grabbed Steve's discarded t-shirt and used it to clean himself up.

"Thanks a lot," Steve complained; it didn't stop him from using it when Danny was done.

They quickly dressed themselves, but when Danny headed for the door Steve stopped him with a hand curled around the back of his neck. "Thanks, Danno. That was…intense."

Danny's aggravated look softened and he gave Steve a quick kiss. "Just wait till next time."

*o*o*o*

Father's Day came and went, and Steve ostentatiously ignored it. He didn't get anything for his father, though he did treat Uncle Tommy to lunch with part of the salary from his job at the Casino Supermarket; now that school was out for the summer he was able to work a few days a week stocking shelves, and weekends on the cash register. He felt really good having his own money, which meant he also now had his own savings account.

Steve looked forward to the days when he didn't have to work, because then he could spend more time with Danny. No further opportunities had arisen for them to have sex, but Steve was always on the lookout for events to align in their favor. Which wouldn't be happening anytime soon because Rose's graduation was on Saturday and there would be a big party afterwards at the Elk's Club; Steve would have to miss the actual ceremony, but he'd been able to get the afternoon off for the party.

None of which mattered at the moment. Steve and Danny were ensconced on Danny's sofa, riveted to the news broadcast. Toni-Marie was sitting on the floor, and so they couldn't do much more than hold hands behind one of the little square pillows that were scattered around.

"This is gross," Toni-Marie said, making a face. "I'm gonna help Ma with the baked ziti."

As soon as she was gone Steve scooted just a bit closer to Danny. "She's right. That's nasty."

"Best argument for being gay," Danny said, shaking his head. "No guy would do that to another guy."

"Do you think they'll sew it back on, like when you lose a finger?"

Danny shrugged. "I don't know. That would be weird. Franken-pecker."

Normally that would've cracked Steve up but he was still trying to wrap his mind around the idea of a severed penis. It made him want to curl up and protect his own. There could be no greater pain known to man.

"Would it work, you think? If they did that?"

"I don't know. There's all kinds of nerves and things that would have to be hooked back together, I think." Danny's hand rubbed briefly at his own crotch. "Maybe he'll never be able to get it up again."

They both shuddered at the thought of it. Steve didn't know what this Bobbitt guy had done to his wife but surely nothing justified severing the guy's manhood.

Danny turned the TV off. "You know, everyone's gonna be at the Elk's Club on Saturday. Like, all day."

Steve shifted so he could look at him. "Yeah. I know. I'll be there too."

Danny rolled his eyes. "_Everyone_ will be there."

"I _know_."

"Are you being deliberately dense?" Danny whacked him in the arm. "Read my lips. If everyone is _there_, it means no-one will be _here_. We could come back early and be _alone_."

A light dawned and Steve couldn't help grinning wickedly at the idea. "Just the two of us? Well, gee, what would we do?"

"You're such a…"

"Danny!" Toni-Marie came running in, left hand clutched to her chest and eyes glimmering with tears. "I burned my finger and Ma said you could put the stuff on it."

Danny shot Steve a look that seemed fraught with meaning, but he dutifully took his sister to the bathroom to put cream on her burn. Steve stretched his arms out on the back of the couch and thought about all the things he and Danny could do on Saturday; he had a long list.

*o*o*o*

When Steve finished his shift at the supermarket he stopped home for a quick shower and change before heading over to the Elk's Club. Technically he wasn't supposed to be driving without someone licensed in the truck with him but he took it nice and slow. Later he'd have Danny in the passenger seat and then he planned on driving extremely recklessly and quickly to get back to the house.

The party was well underway by the time Steve arrived. There was a DJ set up in one corner of the big banquet hall, and the moderately-sized dance floor was full of people shaking their butts to _Baby Got Back_. He hung back by the door, scanning the crowd until he saw Danny; he was wearing khaki slacks and a dark blue button-down shirt with a black tie, and was laughing as he danced.

There were Williams relatives all over the place; Steve recognized some of the cousins, and enough people knew him to wave when they saw him. When Sir Mix-A-Lot switched to En Vogue Danny left the dance floor and weaved through the crowd until he reached Steve.

"Hey! You made it!"

"Nice booty-shaking out there," Steve replied with a grin.

"You only wish you had an ass as nice as mine." Danny gave it another little shake and Steve decided that would have to be replicated when they were naked; his boyfriend _did_ have a very nice ass.

"How was graduation?"

"Usual. Goofy speeches and a gazillion awards. Rose did pretty good, though." Danny's sister was the Salutatorian and Steve knew she'd been agonizing over her speech. "Ma cried, of course, and so did Little Grandma. I did too, but only because she'll be out of the house soon and I'll have one less obnoxious ball of estrogen to deal with."

They laughed, and Danny dragged him over to the tables that were loaded with food and made sure he filled up a plate. There were trays of baked ziti, chicken cutlets, green salad, chicken wings, baked beans, macaroni salad and potato salad, brownies, Italian cookies, and a huge platter with deli meats and cheese.

"Wow," was all Steve could say. He knew Danny's mom had made most of it, had been working on all that food for weeks, and he was suitably impressed. He'd just started scooping out some ziti when Mrs. Williams appeared, resplendent in a blue and silver pants suit, and put an arm around his shoulders.

"Steven, this is my very best friend Kay Silverman. We were college roommates once upon a time."

Steve dutifully shook Kay's hand, juggling his plate so as not to drop it. "It's nice to meet you."

Mrs. Williams beamed at him. "Steve is my son from Hawaii."

He looked at her, startled and a little surprised. She'd never said anything like that before and he was embarrassed to feel his throat tighten up at the words.

"Retta's told me all about you," Kay said with a smile. "Good things."

"Ma…" Danny said, a warning in his voice, and that seemed to clue her in that Steve was five seconds from losing it. Mrs. Williams simply took the plate from him and handed it off to Danny, and then wrapped Steve in a hug.

"You're a good boy, Steven," she murmured in his ear. "You're good for Danny, and I think he's been good for you too."

Steve just nodded, blinking back tears. He missed his mother so much at that moment, it was overwhelming and painful. And he was more than grateful to Mrs. Williams for the way she'd taken him in and made him feel like part of her family, even in the early days when he was so angry all the time. He wished he could find something to say but his throat was too clogged to let the words out so he just hugged her tighter.

"It's alright, _cara_." Mrs. Williams patted him gently on the back. "You and Danny enjoy the party. And if you want to leave a little early, that's okay too."

Steve pulled back, surprised, but she only smiled at him.

"Mothers always know, Steven. Do I need to talk to you about safety?"

"No!" he hastened to say, blushing.

"Alright then. Danny, make sure he eats."

"Okay, Ma," he replied dutifully.

Mrs. Williams patted them each on the cheek and then tucked her arm through Kay's and dragged her off to meet some other people. Steve stared at her retreating back and shook his head.

"You okay?" Danny asked sympathetically.

"Your mother just basically told me to make sure we have safe sex."

It was pretty comical how wide Danny's eyes were when Steve looked back at him. "What?!"

"Pretty sure she knows. You know. About you and me." Steve grinned, and suddenly he felt a whole lot better. Mrs. Williams liked him, and didn't seem to mind at all that he and Danny were…well, whatever she thought they might be doing. It didn't mean they could start making out in public, but it was nice to know she was on their side.

"I think I'm having a heart attack," Danny groaned. He thrust the plate back in Steve's hand. "How do you know if you're having a heart attack? God, my head might explode. We're never having…_you-know-what_…again!"

"Now who's the drama queen?" His appetite renewed, Steve set about filling the rest of his plate up with food. Danny trailed along behind him, insisting that he was having chest pains.

They found an empty table to sit at, though it didn't stay that way for long. Several of Danny's cousins came over and joined them, immediately regaling Steve with stories from their youth, particularly those that Danny would find embarrassing. Steve had heard some of them during previous family visits – his favorite was still how they'd worked together to get Mrs. Williams stuck up a tree when she thought she was rescuing a much younger Danny; Mr. Williams had tanned a lot of hides _that_ day.

After Steve finished eating he was dragged out to the dance floor despite his protests and forced to dance to YMCA. He and Danny immediately exaggerated the arm movements so they could whack each other, and then Danny hip-checked Steve right into his Aunt Maggie, who snapped her hip right back at him to push him the other way.

"Your family is crazy!" he shouted at Danny over the music.

"You fit right in!" Danny shouted back.

Steve couldn't help the big, goofy grin that he knew was plastered on his face. There were far worse things than belonging to the Williams clan, and if he was a little reluctant to leave hours later, well, he could hardly be blamed for having a good time.

* * *

_**AN:**__ I decided to take some pity on Steve and keep him mostly angst free this chapter. He's earned a little respite, don't you think? LOL!_

_Hope Danny and Steve's first time wasn't too weird. I wanted it to be a bit awkward, particularly for Steve who had no experience at all to draw from and no Google to do research with. ::winks::_

_If I didn't have good personal hygiene this chapter probably wouldn't have been written. I got so much dialogue in the shower! ::grins:: The magic of water. Only two chapters left to go!_


	11. July 1993

**July 1993**

Steve wasn't sure if being a fast and competent grocery bagger was something to be proud of, but he couldn't help feeling a little smug about it. He really liked running the register at the supermarket, chatting with the people who came through his line, but even more he liked eyeballing a mixed-up pile of groceries and quickly setting it to order in paper bags, like a game of Tetris. It wasn't his life's work, but he figured it was okay to enjoy it at least.

Of course it wasn't all peaches and cream. Sometimes the customers could be crabby or downright rude, or they could be really obnoxious classmates who clearly had nothing better to do over the summer.

"Hey, McCheckout Boy!" Joe and Steph came through Steve's register with several boxes of Rice Crispie cereal, marshmallows, and a bag of chocolate chips.

"You making crispie treats?" Steve asked, running each item over the laser reader. "Cause I like those."

"Everybody likes those," Steph said, flipping idly through the Enquirer. "How's the application coming?"

Steve shrugged. "Okay, I guess. The essay is harder than I thought."

Steph and Danny had been helping him with his Annapolis application, even though Danny hadn't understood the need to do it so early when it wasn't due until January.

"Do you have all your references?" Steph asked, handing over some cash.

"Yeah." In the packet his dad had dropped off during his visit there'd been recommendation letters from both Governor Waihee – John McGarrett was good friends with the deputy governor, Pat Jameson – and also from Admiral Kenney at Pearl-Hickam. All Steve had needed to add to those were character references. In his essay he'd mention how his grandfather had served in WWII aboard the USS Arizona, and his dad in Vietnam; legacies were important.

Steve handed back Steph's change. "Thanks for shopping with Casino. Have a nice day."

"Dude," Joe said, with a shake of his head. Steve shrugged.

"I know it's dorky, but I have to say it."

"Yeah, well, you're totally rockin' the smock." Steph grinned at him and handed the groceries to Joe to carry. "We'll see you later."

"Bring the crispie treats!"

All he got in response was a hand wave. Steve rolled his eyes and turned his focus on the next customer. Just three more hours and then he could go home and hang out with Danny. They were busy planning a trip to New York City, for which Steve had been saving money, and it was fun to see Danny get so excited to show him around.

"Young man, is this on sale?" An elderly woman with enormous glasses shoved a bottle of Mylanta under his nose. "I don't want it if it's not on sale."

Steve plastered on his best the-customer-is-always-right smile and got back to work; there'd be plenty of time later to hammer out trip details.

*o*o*o*

It was an unfortunate coincidence than when Danny took Steve to the city it was during a massive heat wave. The temperatures were in the triple digits during the day and the high eighties at night. It did little to diminish Steve's excitement about the trip. Since coming to New Jersey he hadn't had a chance to do any traveling, not counting the trip to Indiana at Thanksgiving, and New York City was one of those places he'd always wanted to see. Danny visited his Aunt Maggie there every summer and she'd readily agreed that Steve was more than welcome to come as long as he didn't mind sharing the pull-out bed with Danny. He really, really didn't mind.

They took the train to Penn Station, and from there the subway to Aunt Maggie's apartment in the East Village. Steve learned to stay away from empty subway cars because either someone had just died in there or the AC wasn't working. He found the whole process fascinating and a little exciting, even standing down on the platform waiting for the next train where it was so hot and there were so many people crowded in together. Danny stayed close to his side, pointing out everything he needed to be careful of like he was worried Steve might jump in front of a moving train or offer himself up for a mugging or something. It was kind of cute.

Aunt Maggie lived in an old Brownstone, what Danny called a terrace apartment because it had a narrow balcony cluttered with wrought-iron chairs and a tiny table. It was a second floor walk-up, a one-bedroom decorated in warm browns and reds. There was a brick fireplace in the living room and a sectional sofa that opened up into a queen sized bed.

"It's so nice to see you boys!" Aunt Maggie fussed over them, tossing their bags in a corner and enveloping each of them in a hug. Like Danny's mom she was petite and busty, with long blonde hair she wore in two braids. Unlike Danny's mom she wore lots of flowing, diaphanous outfits that somehow seemed perfectly suited to her environment.

"Thanks for letting me come, Ms. Paterno."

"Please. Call me Aunt Maggie."

Danny made a beeline for the compact kitchen. "You got anything to eat? I'm starving."

"I just picked up cold cuts. Pull it all out, would you?"

They made sandwiches thick with salami, ham and provolone cheese and ate out on the terrace. The heat was suffocating, even in the shade, and Steve had never been happier to see a pitcher of iced tea.

"So what do you boys have planned for the week?"

Danny propped his feet up on the balcony railing and fished an ice cube out of his glass to run along his forehead. "I'm gonna take Steve to all the usual tourist spots. Empire State Building, Statue of Liberty, the museum. We need to broaden his horizons; poor guy's been stuck in Hawaii his whole life."

Steve snorted. "Yeah, poor me. All those white sandy beaches and sunny days. I've really suffered."

"Well, there's no greater city in the world," Aunt Maggie said with a laugh. "Just remember, when you're out there walking around to do it with confidence. Try not to look too much like a tourist. Keep your money in your front pocket, don't make direct eye contact with anyone but Danny, and just try to enjoy yourself."

Steve wasn't sure if he could help from looking like a tourist but he certainly took her advice to heart. He'd heard a lot of things about the city and most of them were bad – muggings, high murder rate, crazy angry people on every street corner, hookers in Times Square. But he trusted Danny to show him the good parts, and just the fact that they'd be on their own together meant more to him than seeing any landmarks.

"Why don't you boys relax, take a walk around the neighborhood if you want. I'm taking you out for dinner tonight, so whatever you do you need to be ready by five. Okay?"

"Sounds good, Aunt Mags. Thanks."

"Alright, boys. I'll be in my office if you need anything."

Aunt Maggie gathered up their plates and slipped back in the terrace doors, humming something.

"Her office?" Steve asked.

"She's working on a novel. Has been for as long as I can remember." Danny closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "You smell that?"

"Uh…exhaust fumes and rotten garbage from the dumpster?"

"Fresh pretzels and hot asphalt. That's how the city smells."

Steve knocked Danny's foot off the rail. "You're deranged."

"No, I'm deep. And discriminating. I've always loved that city smell." Danny hooked his ankle around Steve's. "My second favorite is the old Farmer's Market that we used to go to when I was a kid. It burnt down a couple years ago. As soon as you walked in there you got hit with two smells – bananas and dill pickles."

"Gross."

"No, it was awesome. Trust me, those two smells combined to make one really interesting one. I miss going there."

Steve chuckled. "I had no idea my boyfriend was so bizarre."

The smile slid off Danny's face and he gave Steve an intent look.

"What?"

"You. You never called me that before."

"Bizarre?" Steve asked, though he knew what Danny meant. He'd embarrassed himself again, letting his mouth get away with him.

"Boyfriend, retard."

"Yeah, well. Sorry?" Steve wasn't sure what the protocol was but then Danny reached over and took hold of his hand, tangling their fingers together.

"I like it."

"I like it too," Steve confessed, flushing.

"_My_ boyfriend is a ridiculous goof."

His face was flaming now, but he couldn't help grinning; he was sure he _looked_ like a goof in addition to acting like one. He leaned over and pressed a quick kiss on Danny's mouth.

They ended up spending the rest of the afternoon sitting on the terrace, holding hands and discussing important things like the relative merits of sidewalk food vendors, which flavor of Snapple tea tasted better, and why _Beavis and Butt-Head_ was both incredibly stupid and hilarious at the same time.

*o*o*o*

Saturday dawned ridiculously hot, and Steve lamented the fact that it was too steamy to get a good snuggle in with Danny on the sofa bed; even with the fan on and the terrace door open he'd slept in a puddle of sweat. Aunt Maggie left them bagels for breakfast, leaving early to go to an art exhibit with some of her girlfriends. It was probably silly, but Steve liked the feeling of playing house with Danny. They poured tall glasses of orange juice and ate out on the terrace.

"Stay close," Danny said when they headed for the subway station. They each had a pocketful of tokens, and Steve was getting annoyed that no matter how long he studied the subway map it seemed hopelessly complicated.

"You'll get the hang of it," Danny assured him.

They took a train from the East Village and then had to switch trains to get to the red line, and the Chambers Street stop. During the trip they were entertained by one drunk guy who was singing for money, and a heavy set woman who shouted at everyone that they were going to Hell.

They walked to Battery Park, where the wind blowing off the water offered some respite from the oppressive heat. Danny of course took all the credit for that.

"Excellent planning on my part," he said with a grin. "Free air conditioning."

Steve just rolled his eyes but he was glad to be so close to the water, even if it was just the harbor. They had a really good view of the Statue of Liberty, which filled him with patriotic pride. He honestly couldn't wait to join the Navy and serve his country the way his father and grandfather had before him; not a lot of his friends understood that drive but Danny, who was similarly driven to become a cop, knew how he felt.

They boarded a Circle Line ferry, and the six dollar round trip ticket seemed more than fair to Steve, though Danny grumbled about it like he always did when he had to fork over money for something. It was much nicer out on the water, especially from their seats on the open-air deck.

"How many times have you been out to see the statue?" Steve asked.

Danny shrugged. "Maybe twice?"

"She doesn't seem as big in real life as she does in the movies." In _Superman_ the Statue of Liberty had seemed enormous.

"You can't believe everything you see in movies," Danny said. "Hey, smile."

He produced the little Olympus camera that Aunt Maggie had loaned them for the duration of their visit. Steve pulled a funny face and made the shaka sign with his hand just as Danny clicked the shutter button.

"Oh, that'll be a nice one."

"I know," Steve agreed with a grin. He snatched the camera and took a couple pictures of Danny with the Statue of Liberty in the background, and then tried to take one of the both of them.

"Can't wait to see how that turns out." Danny pocketed the camera. "You keep being goofy and we're gonna need way more film."

Once they arrived at Liberty Island Danny pulled Steve away from the tour group that was forming. "You don't need to listen to that guy. I can tell you everything you want to know."

There was a concrete path that ran around the whole statue, and Danny took them in the opposite direction from the tour group. There were actually several tours going on, and lots of people just milling about. And while the actual statue didn't seem quite so large it was still pretty damn impressive.

"This used to be called Bedloe's Island," Danny said. "They renamed it in the 40s or the 50s or something. And the base, with all the pointy walls? That used to be a fort."

"That's pretty cool. And you can climb all the way up to the top?"

"_You_ can," Danny replied with a grimace. "There's over three hundred steps. The only time I climbed it, it took like half an hour. I'm not doing that again."

"Aw, come on Danno," Steve wheedled. He wanted to see the view from up in the crown.

"Don't whine at me McGarrett. And what's this Danno stuff, anyway?"

"I don't know. It's just a nickname." Steve tried the pouty lip, which he knew for a fact Danny couldn't resist. "I want to go to the top with you. Come on."

Danny rolled his eyes, but Steve knew he'd won. They made the arduous trek up all those stairs, and he realized he hadn't taken into account the crazy heat, or the fact that they were packed in there with a group of other people. By the time they made it to the crown he was sweating and his leg muscles were burning.

"You owe me," Danny muttered, pulling at his tank top. "I'm gonna need a shower."

The view was worth it, though. They could see all of Manhattan from way up there, and Danny pointed out Jersey City in the distance. It was windy, which was refreshing, and Steve really wished he could give Danny a kiss while they were up there; the best they could manage was a bit of clandestine hand holding.

When they finally made their way back down to the main level of the pedestal Danny disappeared into the gift shop while Steve looked around at some of the exhibits in the museum. Portions of the statue had been reproduced, like the feet and the face, to give a better idea of scale. He paused for a long time in front of the plaque that held the infamous "New Colossus" poem.

_Give me your tired, your poor/your huddled masses yearning to breathe free/The wretched refuse of your teeming shore/Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me/I lift my lamp beside the golden door._

Those lines made him think of Danny. The whole Williams family, really, not to mention Aunt Leigh and Uncle Tommy. They'd taken him in, given him a home, loved him when he was at his most unlovable. It put a lump in his throat, which only got worse when Danny found him and presented him with a pocket-sized metal version of the Statue.

"Your first New York City souvenir," he said with a grin.

Steve bit his bottom lip as he took it. That was so Danny, always giving and giving even when he didn't get anything in return.

"Hey. Steve. You okay?" Danny looked at him worriedly, and put a hand on his arm.

"This is great. Thanks."

"Well, it was either a little statue or a foam crown; I figured I'd protect your dignity."

"Thanks for that."

"You're welcome." Danny gave his arm a squeeze before letting go. "Come on. Next stop is Ellis Island. My great-grandparents have their name on the wall."

Steve let himself be dragged off, happy to look at anything Danny wanted to show him.

*o*o*o*

For the next four days Danny gave Steve an exhaustive tour of New York City. They did Times Square and the Empire State Building, Hayden Planetarium – which had a Star Trek exhibit that Danny pretended not to be a big nerd about – and the Museum of Natural History. They explored the East Village, went to Tower Records, had eggrolls in Chinatown and Stromboli in Little Italy, and hit all the tourist spots in Central Park without being mugged. Every night they returned to Aunt Maggie's place exhausted and sweaty, too tired to even stay up for Letterman.

Everything they'd done and seen was really cool, but Steve's favorite was a tour of the Intrepid Sea-Air-Space Museum. The aircraft carrier was interesting in its own right, but was also home to an A-12 Blackbird, a 1936 lightship, and items from the Persian Gulf war, including Patriot missiles.

"I knew you'd like the weaponry," Danny said with a grin. "Was your grandpa on a ship like this?"

He'd been helping Steve with his application, so of course he knew all about Steve's grandfather. The elder Steven McGarrett had been an ensign aboard the _USS Arizona_ during the bombing of Pearl Harbor, his earthly remains a part of the memorial like so many others that died that day.

"No. That was a battleship."

"Oh. Do you think you'll be stationed on one of these things once you graduate the academy?

"Maybe. I might try to get into the SEALS."

Danny just stared at him. They were standing out on deck, at the rail so they could look out at the harbor, and there was breeze enough to push some of the heat out of the air.

"What?" Steve asked irritably. "What's that face for?"

"A SEAL? Do you know how many of them _died_ in that movie?"

"Movie? What movie?"

"The one with Charlie Sheen. The one where they all _died_."

Steve shook his head. "That was a movie, Danno. You know, make believe?"

Danny just huffed and looked away, and Steve nudged him with his shoulder. It was kind of sweet, and kind of dorky, that Danny was worried about him. Like being a cop was a safer occupation. But he knew, just as well as Danny did, that it didn't matter what you did or didn't do because people died every day. Mothers and brothers and countless others who were going about their very ordinary lives. The least he could do was try to make a difference before his own time was up.

He wasn't sure how to express that to Danny without getting all tongue-tied and sounding like an idiot, though, so he reached out and took hold of his hand, which was on the railing.

Danny looked startled, but pleased, and twined their fingers together. "What if someone sees?"

"So what if they do? I don't know any of these people." He wished he'd thought of it sooner, because Danny beamed at him and pressed a quick kiss to the corner of his mouth.

For the rest of their vacation they indulged in public displays and held hands almost everywhere they went – except the Yankees game, because Danny somehow felt intimidated being surrounded by baseball fans. Steve told him afterwards that maybe the Yankees wouldn't have lost to the Oakland A's if they'd done some necking. Danny just slugged him in the arm and pouted.

On the train back to Trenton, though, Danny fell asleep with his head on Steve's shoulder and their hands clasped tightly together. And Steve couldn't sleep at all.

*o*o*o*

Steve was still riding the high from his trip when the announcement came, via a presidential press conference. Normally the status of gays in the military barely blipped across his radar. Why would he care what happened to _them_? Only now, he _was_ one of them, and the new Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy felt like it was aimed directly at him.

This time when he went into brooding mode, Danny knew exactly why. They sat together on Danny's bed, the only light coming from some pirate movie playing on the TV.

"It gets easier, you know," Danny said, bumping his ankle against Steve's.

"What does?"

"Pretending.

Steve made a noise of negation. He didn't want to pretend. He didn't want to have to be something he wasn't.

"I know," Danny said. "I know it sucks. But that's just how things are. You think anyone wants to work with a gay cop?"

"Doesn't have anything to do with the job," Steve muttered.

"No shit. It's all perceptions, McGarrett. So we have to suck it up and pretend, so we can still do what we need to do."

Steve slouched down so he could lay his head on Danny's shoulder. It didn't feel right, being singled out just because he'd rather kiss Danny than some girl. He was tired of being different – the one whose mom died, the one from Hawaii that didn't belong in Jersey. But he wasn't about to turn his back on Danny either. Nothing was worth that.

"It's not so bad." Danny rested his head against Steve's. "We're already doing it for school. But, you know. If you decide you don't want –"

Steve cut him off before he could say anything else, using the simplest method: he kissed Danny, hard. "I'll always want, okay? Some stupid rule isn't going to change that."

"Okay," Danny said agreeably.

Steve leaned in for another kiss and let himself sink into it. He was tired of worrying. For now, he just wanted to enjoy being with Danny. The one person who let him be himself. Between them there was no pretending, just feelings that Steve was too afraid to name.

* * *

_**AN:**__ There's only one chapter left to go and I hope to get that out soon. ::crosses fingers::_


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